


Lost and Found

by wingswinger



Series: Treasures of the Galaxy [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)
Genre: Accidental Use of the Force, Adventure & Romance, Awkward Flirting, Awkwardness, Big Gay Love Story, Blushing, Bounty Hunters, Character Development, Coming Out, Dreams, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Freckles, Friendship, Frottage, Green Eyes, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Jedi Training (Star Wars), Lightsabers, M/M, Meditation, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Relationship(s), Post-Game(s), Rebels, Sexual Inexperience, Slow Burn, Teasing, The Force, Touching, True Love, Trust Issues, Virginity or Celibacy Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-18 08:15:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 65,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21991063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingswinger/pseuds/wingswinger
Summary: Have you ever wanted to read about a Cal Kestis who falls in love with a guy? Yeah? Come see this. ;)After the events of the game Cal Kestis and his team finds a new adventure cooperating with a rebel group.Cal meets Syle Metri, another lightsaber-user who survived the purge (though he was never a jedi knight, only a jedi guardian)Syle has his own demons to fight while he has the key to help uniting the rebel groups around the galaxy.Also, this cocky guy takes an interest in our favourite innocent jedi who still has a lot to learn.
Relationships: Cal Kestis/Original Character, Cal Kestis/Original Male Character(s), Cal Kestis/Syle Metri, Cameron Monaghan/Original Male Character(s)
Series: Treasures of the Galaxy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1690321
Comments: 94
Kudos: 152





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Everyone,
> 
> First of all, I am happy that you are here and love this game at least as much as I did!  
> Secondly, I might be dumb but since the game is out I can't find not only a decent but rather... any Cal/Male Character fics that are longer. So not to frustrate me any longer I decided to write one mostly for myself - because there might not be anyone to read it.  
> But still, if you are anything like me and have been searching for a slow burn romance between two Force-user guys, search no more! ;)
> 
> Oh, and I intentionally left Merrin out of this. It's not that I don't like her, I just can't really find her character in my head so far so she won't be around until I collect the Merrin in me. But she'll have an explanation for not being there. Sorry.  
> One more thing: I am not a die-hard fan of Star Wars. Yeah, I know. Drop me into a hole and cover me in blurrg saliva (yes, I had to look up that creature too). But I am eager to learn and have my bf as my help. Just don't eat me for breakfast for my mistakes - but please do tell me in the comments how I can correct them. Thanks!
> 
> Uhm, have fun then?  
> Happy reading!

Vrogas Vas

The crowd. Something I am not used to around here. Vrogas is not a planet for a lazy picnic or a crazy festival. Only those come here who have a purpose, mostly strongly connected to money.  
Look at all the people in the Inn at evening, filling their guts with food and beer. 90% of them are travelling merchants, smugglers, mercenaries or just people transporting some goods from one end of the galaxy to another. Huh, see how fast they keep stuffing their heads? They are in a hurry, always late from a meet-up. Very freaking familiar.  
Just like the bastards I have been waiting for all afternoon. I sigh, because this is the way it always happens. And I get bored, sit up on a barrel to examine these folks, and after some minutes Hiren comes out of her hideaway and shoves a cache of junk food painfully into my ribcage, urging me to get the hell down to business already. 

’Alright, alright. No rest for the wicked, guh’– I growl and do as she says. After I packed the boxes where they belonged and locked the store room, I see Hiren at the entrance, greeting some weird looking folks who wouldn’t fit in the 90% that I have mentioned.  
I had thought this business would be an official one, but now that Hiren waved at me as an invitation into the back room for the meeting, I suspect it’s not gonna be that legal. A smirk crosses my face when the info lands. It is rebel business, then. Finally.

’Okay, please, everyone take a seat.’– Hiren tells the guests as I pass through the door. It’s an older woman dressed in a fighter’s outfit, a little droid that wouldn’t even reach my knee and a red-haired guy just around my age with too innocent face for his own good.  
As I step forward and our eyes meet I’m suddenly flooded with a splash of energy all over my body, and nope, I’m not turned on, though those leather pants could sooner or later do that work too. But now, it’s actually something even more instinctive for me, something I have not really felt for years. It’s the Force. And he must be a user.  
I can’t help but stop and my facial expression hints not really subtly at my surprise. Well, I’m not the kind to easily hide the things I feel. But fortunately the boy misinterprets it as some reacton to whatever Hiren is actually telling them, then I catch up with the conversation too.

’From our side we only have one person who is capable of reaching the destination. And it’s him, Syliah Metri.’– both of them are looking at me so I nod. Then, Hiren interprets them too. –’Syle, these are our friends, Cere Junda and Cal Kestis. Cal is a jedi knight. And both of them have done a lot for the rebellion. Now, I told you about our plans involving the fuel storage.’

’An explosion’- I recall the last unofficial rebel meeting when our discoverer, Mars Camral came back with the blue print of the Vrogas Vas Fuel Station. 

’Yes’– Hiren nods–’And I told you I wanted you to place the bomb in there.’

’Sure thing’– I shrug as if I was talking to my mother. Hiren was the closest I ever had to that, actually. 

’But I told you also that you cannot go alone. Two people are needed to activate the panel to the storage. This is where our companions enter the picture. I would like to ask you, Cal to accompany Syle on this mission. For an experienced fighter like you this should cause no problem.’

’Absolutely. I’ll be ready whenever I have to be.’– he says, eager. A small smirk tugs up one side of my face but I cover it up with scratching my nose. 

’That would mean you should be ready in an hour or so. The station closes soon’– Hiren announces. Cal’s eyes widen, but he nods, Cere remains very focused and unaffected. I really don’t think I’d like to be her enemy anytime soon.  
So we agree to meet up at the back door of the Inn 50 minutes later and meanwhile we all can get ready with our stuff. I fish for my safety pack under my bed, and take a blaster too because I have an ugly feeling we shall make good use of it soon. Hiren then enters my room with a short knocking, holding something I originally hid in the cellar behind a wine barrel.

’Take this too.’– she holds out my long forgotten lightsaber to me. I almost even forgot the color of the grip on it by now. 

’Hey, are you… sure?’– I blink at her in disbelief. Hiren was the first one to tell me after the purge that I should never ever consider using that in public again. And she was right.

’I trust them, Syle. It’s time to start fighting again.’– she says it the way every soldier should hear it before going into battle. Hiren was always like that: a warrior, a blood born leader. And with that half-proud, half-hopeful smile on her face she was every rebel’s mother too on Vrogas Vas.  
I nod and take it from her. I am ready.  
Half an hour later we are studying the blueprint like students before an examination. The area seems simple enough. We should climb up two levels on the outside, then get in. That floor should be empty, or almost empty after closing time. The guards don’t really expect an intruder from the top floors, right? So there we need to look for a sign that looks like a triskele, and use the elevator that has this sign –because there actually are 3 elevators on that floor. We should reach the lowest level and use the panels to get into the storage. Probably there would be a fight. But not if we can be sneaky enough. I knew I could do that but can not say anything about the redhead. He honestly looked like he would confess stealing a candy from the shop.  
Speaking of him…

’Can I see that?’– I already knew he arrived but decided to ignore him until now. 

’Sure’– I hand him the blueprint now and take a look at him as he studies the area. His appearance didn’t change much and now I can see all the little tools he carries around, secured to his belt. These seem repair tools. 

’What do you need those for?’– I ask and he slowly lifts his gaze from the paper.

’Huh? Ah. Well things may need to be fixed here and there’– he shrugs.

’Like, what?’– I press, absolutely not being satisfied with the vague answer.

’Like BD-1’– he says and I see the little droid climb higher on his back right up to his shoulder. It beeps a ’Hello’ or a ’How are you?’. I never really had the talent to learn droids’ language.

’Hi, BD-1’– I greet him for the polite man I am but I instantly want to ask why he wants to bring that little beeping sod with us. It’s not like the thing could fire a gun or tackle an enemy.

’Alright, younglings. Time to go’– Hiren walks up to us with the woman Cal arrived with. I forgot her name but I was sure we would never see them again after the mission. Which I would consider a shame, actually. And not really for the lady.

I don’t really stress myself over the whole mission. I trust my weapon training and trust my instincts to lead me if the time comes to get away. The jedi –Cal, on the other hand seems a little nervous.

’So you think it will hold us if we climb?’– he asks at the side of the building. It has quite some bumps which seem good enough for me, but he inhales deeply. 

’Why are you freakin’ out? It’s me who has the bomb, remember?’

’Well, that makes it much better. If it goes off it won’t really matter who carried it.’

’Yeah, we’ll be jam on the waffles’– I try to joke but he only swallows hard and the little droid on his back squeaks something like ’Not really calming’. –’Okay, I’ll go first then…’– I decide.

’No-no-no! I’ll go’– Cal places a hand on my shoulder and I feel it again, the heavy surge of power rushing through me. It feels like jumping off a cliff, like an adrenaline flood. Just fuller, deeper. A shiver runs up my spine. I wonder if he feels the same, or even something because he doesn’t give any sign of it. He just releases my arm and starts climbing. I go after him, following right over his path as I keep an eye on his moves (no, still not for those leather pants, but wow).  
Cal Kestis proves to be a talented spider though. He doesn’t trip or miss once, climbing after him feels the safest thing in the galaxy, and soon we reach the opening that we can use to get inside. As the blue print indicated, that level of the building really is empty, but also, it’s dark as hell.  
I almost want to reach for a torch when I hear a distantly familiar sound of a lightsaber being switched on and suddenly the area lights up in green.

’It’s handy’– I note as we start looking for the sign. Cal makes eye contact with me but doesn’t really react. ’Why green?’– I try making a conversation again.

’What color is yours like?’ – the question suddenly freezes me. I left mine in the pack on my back, it was impossible for him to see.

’Ehh, yellow.’– I chuckle in frustration. – ’So you felt it too, right?’

’Yeah’– he nods with a slight smile. –’But yellow is for guardians’

’Exactly’– I kind of feel relieved that I can finally talk to someone who knows one thing or two about the order. I mean, who experienced it. –’How did you escape?’ –as soon as I ask the question that bugs me the most I already regret it. Too soon. And, Cal finds a way to avoid answering it.

’Uh, I think I see it. A triskele?’– he lifts the source of light to a panel on the right side of the hallway. BD-1 boops in enthusiasm. And it surely is the right sign over the buttons. We call the elevator and I wonder when exactly is the plan going to fail. Because it never goes according to them. Not in my case.

’My master died to save me. He made it possible for me to survive the purge’– Cal suddenly says during our ride down to the storage. I almost forget to react, I’m so shocked he actually did answer.

’Something… similar happened to me too.’– I tell him very quickly before the elevator slows and stops.

’I advise you to keep your weapon close to reach’– Cal’s tone suddenly changes, his volume drops to a serious whisper. I put my hand on my blaster but remain still until the door opens.  
As we step outside we can see them in the distance. We are lucky though. Around us there are no stormtroopers which is great and it remains wonderful if they don’t notice us using the panels on the left side of the hall. Cal leaps forward and hides behind a stock of something that smells awfully suffocating. I suppress a cough though tears swell in my eyes from it and I urge Cal to go ahead. We reach the two sides of the entrance and use the code Camral gave us. We have to push right at the same time and we look up at eachother to nod in unision before pushing the opening button. And, it would be just that easy… if the panel didn’t gave us then a huge red exclamation mark indicating we fucked up.  
Cal looks at me in question and I shrug because I only remember the instructions vaguely. Crap, I should have paid more attention. But, the last number is changing, he said. So all we have to do is… try it. 

’Let’s try changing the last number’– I tell the jedi and he nods before frowning.

’How many times can we try before the alarm goes off?’

’Dunno. Three or five.’– I want to remember really hard but I’m not even sure the discoverer told us that.

’Well, it’s not exactly the same thing!’ – Cal starts to panic only a little. Then, BD-1 slides over on his shoulder and beeps something about ’the next number’.

’Good idea, Buddy’– Cal says and I feel a flush cover my face when I ask back.

’What… what did he say?’

’That we should use the next number that comes after the last one. It is an 8, so let’s try 9. They might just go in order.’

’Alright’– I agree because we don’t really have a better plan. So we give the code again, ending it with 9 instead of 8 and push the green one. For a long moment nothing happens and I risk a look over my shoulder to see the troopers, but thank goodness they even got further away from us. 

’Yes!’– I hear then Cal’s relieved cheer and the door slides open before us. –’You’re a genius, BD-1!– the little droid showers in the praise while beeping around a couple of times.

’Yeah, the little guy is useful after all’– I admit, but that earns me an offended ’doot’. –’Uh, very sorry.’

’Wait, do you understand BD then?’

’Eh, well. Mostly. I was never good at languages.’– I shrug.  
So, we are inside the fuel storage, and the place is huge and full of tanks and containers. This is going to be the greatest firework the planet has ever seen, I realize.  
I take the bomb carefully out of the backpack and secure it to a pipe. Cal is shifting from foot to foot behind me, swallowing so hard I can hear it. Before I press the countdown button I ask him once more if I know the plan correctly.

’So now we head out and use the elevator to get to the top level where your ship is waiting for us. And then you guys take me home and we never heard of this whole crap, right?’

’Ye-ah’– Cal’s voice is shaky but he nods confidently.

’And how do we know your team is already up there?’– I ask him and like they magically heard us Cal’s comm stirs to life and his companion’s voice is to be heard from it.

’Cal, we are ready. Where are you two?’

’We are ready too, Cere, the bomb is in place. We are heading up’  
Okay. It’s easy from here. I exhale heavily because of course I feel a little pumped up from the thing we are about to do, but it’s cool. I nod and press down, standing in a hurry to leave.  
Remember though, when I talked about all of the plans involving me having to go off the rails? Yeah.  
As the door opens we find ourselves surrounded by more than 20 stormtroopers looking at us, and I’m not sure who is more shocked, them or us.  
After that all of it happens so fast. They draw guns, Cal uses his lightsaber and deflects, two of them fall, I take the blaster and eliminate three more, then I hide behind a large box and watch Cal fight like an absolute pro. I notice one who actually manages to get behind him and I shoot him. Cal gets rid of almost all the others and I run up to the elevator panel to use it. By the time it arrives, Cal is ready too and walks up to me, but unfortunately the fight is not over yet.  
The elevator opens and more guards emerge, using guns. I almost have one shoot my ear off and Cal is fighting three at the same time so I feel like I have no other choice, I draw my lightsaber too and try to remember everything I once learned. I cut one in half when he jumps at me, then turn to Cal and I get one off of him to equalize the fight. Now we both have to deal with one-one which is managable and before we can get in the freaking elevator finally I spot a hiding bastard who tries to shoot us so I use my right hand to take the blaster and I finish him off before the door closes.  
Holy shit, huh.  
We keep trying to regain our normal breathing but when we look at eachother I have the strongest need to grin and Cal is laughing too so we end up giggling from the sudden adrenaline haze, then calm slowly. 

’Where did you learn to shoot like that? You must have been too young before the purge’– Cal asks before we reach the top.

’Uh, ya know… here and there. The bright side of being an orphan among rebels. You learn some things… You are not half bad with that saber yourself’– I allow myself a wink at him and Cal huffs out a smile.

’Uh, thanks…’  
At the top level we instantly see the ship and a couple of stormtroopers lying around it motionlessly. 

’Hurry!’– Cal’s companion urges us to run faster even though we both feel a little worn out from the surprise attack. We speed up though, and as soon as we land on board the ship rises from the ground.  
From a safe distance, we can see the whole place blow up and it gives me mixed feelings. While for the rebellion it is a great victory, I never feel satisfied if I have to end a life. Now, we ended lots, and for that a part of my chest is aching.  
But for a short ’beep’ I look up and beside me, and I see two new friends in a similarly poor condition as myself, and I smile softly. Cal pets my shoulder friendly and the feeling is getting better.

’Syle?’– I hear the voice of her, the fighter woman who I owe my life now.

’Yes?’

’Can I talk to you for a moment?’

’Sure’– I turn and she sits me down inside the ship in a common area. Her expression looks serious but that shouldn’t mean anything, since I have never seen her smile or something.  
But now I still get a bad feeling for some unexplainable reason.

’Syle…’– she stops. –’There was an attack on the Inn. Stormtroopers.’  
At her words my heart sinks, but I know I can still hond onto the facts. There is a hideaway underground. Hiren showed me when she took me in.

’They destroyed the Inn’– she tells me but I hardly pay attention anymore.

’So they are going to be in the shelter for a while? I need to help them get food!’– my brain is spinning with all the things they said about the shelter. Until she shuts me down completely.

’None of them made it’  
…  
Silence. Blunt silence comes. I only hear the outlines of the noises. It’s like I’m in a bubble. Or underwater. I only hear my own hard swallow. This is not true. This can’t be true. No…


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Syle is dealing with loss, Cal tries to help.  
> They go to planet Rishi to find Saw Gerrera but find something else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everyone, and Happy New Year ;)
> 
> I'm glad that there were people who are interested, and I'm still completely in love with this game, so here is Chapter 2.
> 
> The fight scene was a pain in the... neck. But I really hope you enjoy it.
> 
> And, I couldn't keep Syle from noticing how beautiful this ginger jedi is. Sorry, or not so sorry.
> 
> Happy reading!

I scratch my face, sensing a two day old stubble there that I usually never have. I’m not sure I care now, though.   
’Hey… uh. I brought you some food. It’s not very tasty, but… –Cal opens the door to my cabin hesitantly. He sounds desperate, I must be giving them a headache by now. But I can’t really bring myself to look at any food still. Besides, the pile of yellow trash on the plate isn’t really inviting either. So I let go of my upheld knees and straighten on the bed, looking up at him from upside down with the most bored expression.  
Cal raises his red brows and he walks in, placing the plate on the desk I inherited with the room. The former owner was said to be a nightsister they travelled with. Quite odd these folks are, I would say.  
I sit up and give room for Cal to sit down on the edge of my bed but he keeps standing there, leaning against the desk with folded arms.

’I’m sorry… ’bout your friends.’– there he says it. Oh, crap. I wish he just didn’t. There are rare moments like this, when there is anything else on my mind, and I’m so freaking grateful for these times and so fucking disappointed when my memory strikes and fall back into that dark pit of sadness.

’It’s like a fucked up joke. Repeating. Huh’– I chuckle at the irony of it while all I want to do is just sobbing. How likely is it to lose everyone you have… twice during a lifetime? Great, now he just saw that tear rolling down my face. Ugh. Anyway.–’How the fuck do I forget?’– I could just actually say what I’m thinking now that he is looking at me like that. He can’t possibly pity me any more than this, right?

’You don’t.’– he reacts and finally takes a seat in the chair next to my bed. He leans on his knees with his elbows, his hair falls into his face. I kind of like the way it looks.–’But’– he goes on– ’there is always something you can do.’

’Like what?’

’Keep fighting?’– I know that he really is thinking about it, his eyes are focused. But the cliche he suggests is not nearly enough. Not now.

’How?’– my growl is not hiding my mood.

’Well’– he takes a deep breath and turns to the desk –’One step at time. First, eat.’ – he takes the plate and he even reseats himself on the edge of my bed now. I can’t really protest this way as he shoves the thing at me, so okay. I take a bite. He is waiting with anticipation so I already know it was him who made it. But I ask, just to make a conversation.

’Did you make this?’

’Yes.’– he nods.

’It tastes… even worse than it looks.’– I grin at him in hopes he won’t be very offended. 3 seconds pass and his face twitches, failing myserably at holding in a laughter. Seems like it’s contagious.  
After we are done shaking with it he shrugs casually.

’Yeah… well. They never really trained me to cook.’

’I can give ya some hints.’

’Yeah?’ –he kinda seems doubtful.

’Of course! Who do you think makes the best sivana in the galaxy?’– I probably overact it. But he just wrinkles his forehead, asking:

’What’s a sivana?’

’Oh goodness. You still have a lot to learn, Cal Kestis.’

After I take Cal’s ’first step’ and eat his messy food, I agree to show my face to the others before they have a heart attack in worry. In the common area in front of the kitchen there is Cere, reading something on a panel. I almost trip in an old guitar and she startles, but her face quickly changes back into her usual calm self.

’Oh, thank goodness’– she sighs in relief as she sees me. I react with a slight smile. –’How are you feeling?’

’Better than I look’– I answer, and it’s not a lie, thanks to Cal who is standing behind me with a proud face.

’That’s great news’– Cere nods and looks back at the panel.

’What are you doing? Still looking for the message?’– Cal asks as if he knows something.

’Yes, I can’t believe I deleted it. But I probably did.’

’Message?’– I decide to participate because why not, now that I’m out of the room after 2 days I can as well start to act like I’m alive, right? Even though, I still feel far from it.

’Saw Gerrera was the one who directed us to you. He might want to know about what happened…’– Cere’s voice trails off like she would be walking on broken glass with this topic. 

’Still couldn’t find the location?’– Greez, the guy who owns the ship walks by grabbing a drink from the kitchen, never even stopping for a moment.

’It has to be here somewhere’– Cere replies with a slight hint of frustration in her left eyebrow. Then out of nowhere the little guy, BD-1 rolls over beside me to Cal and beeps ’rice’? Or… something like that.

’Rishi? Do you remember his location then?’  
It beeps a simple ’yes’ then.   
Hey, I can easily identify a ’yes’… Just believe me, okay?

’Oh, I knew it’– Cere stands and goes after Greez who already disappeared back to his seat.  
I feel a little weak from the starvation I involuntarily put myself through in the past days so I sit down, grabbing the guitar, slowly playing a tune: just anything, but nothing in particular. It sounds soothing, though.

’This is nice’– Cal notes, standing from one foot on the other, arms crossed at his chest, meanwhile BD is climbing up his back again.–’What is this?’

’Nothing’– I shrug.

’You just made that up?’

’Yeah, sure. Just… ya know, fooling around. Do you play?’

’Rarely’– Cal tells me and I sense a story behind his hesitant voice, but I don’t push.   
He fastens a strap on his jacket, and I can hardly get over the sight how his red locks fall to the front to cover his freckled face. I kind of want to ignore my evolving attraction towards him but a part of me is grateful for finally feeling something other than sorrow.  
Before we land on Rishi, I take a shower and pull my shit together, getting rid of my uncharacteristic stubble and I even collect my hair into a loose bun to get it out of the way. By the time we land Cere already has the coordinates as she found the message Saw Gerrera left them – though I might have been able to locate the rebels as well. Once I accompanied Hiren here to meet them on this planet. It was on my first week with her.  
They had a camp on the silent part of the planet, they built their hideaway inside the ruins of a gigantic ship that should be there for quite some time. It was a perfect place for them: they were out of sight and still had roof over their heads to protect them.  
Hiren often had business with them. For food supplies they repaired our machines, droids or anything we needed. The bomb was partially built by them too, and a gun smuggler did the finishing moves on it on Vrogas.   
Bet he escaped in time before all that happened, the guy was a resourceful son of a bitch.  
We are about to leave when Cere steps up behind me and places a palm on my shoulder. I almost jump but my instincts are still exhausted so all I can do I give her a questioning look.

’You can stay here’– she offers. I’m not sure why, but I don’t want to stay. It’s probably Greez, the dude with the too many arms. He looks decent enough but still he’d scare the hell out of me if we stayed here together.

’No, I’m okay’– I shake my head.

’You sure?’

’Yeah’– I try to sound as sure as I am actually not. Nope, I’m not prepared or willing to talk about what happened on Vrogas to the other rebels here. But I need to just do something. 

’Then don’t leave this thing here’– Cere hands me my lightsaber and I can’t help but grin at her.

’I left it under my dirty socks’– Who knew the woman was a freaking detective! By the way the lightsaber was hidden for a reason. I didn’t feel ready to just slip back into being a jedi just like that. 

’Don’t look at me like that. BD-1 took it for you’– Cere nods at the little thing screeching on Cal’s shoulder who steps up right next to us.

’Gross’– I roll my eyes at it and the droid agrees. I shrug and decide to take the weapon with me.   
The planet is a little warmer than I remembered. After like 10 minutes spent off-ship I feel like I want to jump out of my clothes. I can see the discomfort on Cere’s face too, but Cal takes it like a freaking champion. He isn’t even sweating, the guy’s body must be inhumanly hot. Ooops. Eh, warm, I mean. His temperature, on the inside. Yeah whatever.  
So the ruins are close to where we parked the Mantis, but I remember how much we had to walk with Hiren inside the destroyed ship to find the gate that protected their hideout from the outside world.  
My feet move now on their own as I rely on my earlier experiences and although I only have been here once, some visual details bring back some sharp memories that stab into me like knives.  
I almost can hear Hiren say my name.

’Come on, Syle. Don’t you dare pouting at me. We are halfway there!’  
After I lost the life I always knew, I became, as they would say, a problematic teen at the age of 15. It was hard to deal with all the suffocating feelings of being trapped somewhere new, so I started to disagree and fight whenever I felt unsure about anything. As a jedi I never complained, nor did I question orders. But as a new member of the rebel group I was no longer that boy. I didn’t need to stay away from the dark side because I never intended to use the force again. I was free, and at the same time, a prisoner too. It was a fucking lonely feeling, like now.

’Hey, you okay?’– Cal walks closer to me. We can already see the gate so I keep my stare forward.

’Yes, I am’– I spit. I don’t intend to offend him but the timing is off. I surprise even myself at how worked up I became at the thought of my first days after the purge happened. Cal seems uncertain but doesn’t talk again.   
The gate is closed so I try to remember the way we used to get in but I don’t even know what I expect to recall, it was almost 5 years ago.

’I can’t remember how we opened it last time’

’You’ve been here?’– Cere’s brows rise.

’Yeah. Hiren took me with her when I was still 15. But since that was 5 years ago…’– I bite my lip in concentration and search through my mind, forcing it. Nothing. Cal is looking at me the whole time, lost in his own thoughts before his head jerks up slightly, moving closer to the metal plate of the door.

’You can’t just push it open, I’m sure’– I just announce but he doesn’t try to. Instead, he reaches for the surface of the door and softly presses his fingertips against the hard material. His eyes fall closed and his chest rises with a slow intake of a breath. Suddenly my arms and legs break out in goosebumps and I feel the surge of the Force again, tingling in every part of my body, but I still can’t place the scene in front of me anywhere, while the jedi seems to know what he is doing.   
I don’t even have to turn to Cere for her to know how confused I feel so she begins to explain.

’Cal has a rare ability as a jedi. He can feel the history of certain objects he touches. He uses the Force to learn that history.’

’I never knew anyone who could do that!’– I blink at Cal, stunned. His hand slowly withdraws, and his odd Force-studying comes to an end.

’Wow, man. Did you…’– I want to ask if he found something but he raises his hand again, stepping to the side of the door, sliding his fingers into a dip on the wall, and we can hear a clicking sound. I suddenly remember just one vague picture from my past when Hiren made the exact same move here before the rebels greeted us on the inside.  
And as Cal does it, the door begins to open up before us.  
In there the design of the ship is completely the same as before, but it’s a lot darker… and kind of looks empty. Strange. In my memories there were at least 3 guards waiting at the gate to greet the arriving guests in one way or another. Maybe it was just for us, when we were expected. Now we aren’t.

’Where to now, Syle?’– Cere glances over at me, and I half-regret telling her about my earlier experience here. How would I know? I’ve just proved useless in opening the damn thing.

’Ehm…’– I try to think but I see BD jumping off of Cal’s back to scan some bumps and holes on the wall. Cal walks closer and we follow.

’Fweep-doot’– the droid beeps quietly. That would mean ’laser gun’, if I understand well. Which is not very likely. But Cal’s eyes widen suddenly, brows indicating panic on his face.

’Just what we needed now’– Cere groans and reaches to her belt for her gun.

’A trap? Really?’– I only mouth to myself and I’m quite grateful for the little droid digging up my laundry for my lightsaber.  
And as we turn away from the wall, there is a guy holding a laser-bladed bent dagger in his hand to which I have never seen anything similar before. 

’Finally. I thought you’d never reach this pathetic pit.’– he talks from behind his very stylish dark helmet. At the condescending tone he uses I almost feel like I have met him before, but I surely would remember an encounter with an asscheek who is too skilled with that weird dagger of his for our great sadness.  
He takes a leap forward to reach Cal but he parries with his lightsaber, gaining the advantage as he attacks back. Cere aims to his knee with the blaster but as she takes a step to the left, her whole body jerks and collapses, shockwaves going through her suddenly. My gaze shifts to Cere’s right ankle that is trapped in a loop that keeps giving her the electric shocks so I step up and cut the trap off her with my weapon. Now she is out of the picture, she can’t even lift her head. This bastard made a good move by setting traps. We need to be careful. That thought occurs, and when I stand, the purple laser of the dagger almost reaches my shoulder anyhow while Cal fights the stranger. It is time for me to step up and do something.  
I jump forward to attack the guy from his side, but he evades, moving so fast it is not natural. He gets further away and takes out a gun from his robes, aiming at me. I deflect the shots and almost feel proud of myself but he then deflects them again with his left hand that still holds the dagger and I need to roll on the ground to not get hit. When I look up I see how the attacker tosses Cal into the wall forcefully, eliciting a strangled yelp from him. That’s it, Filth! Now you will taste my anger.  
I don’t even think before I’m rushing towards the guy, and I really want to make sure I get to him before he can react – and I have a pretty good chance because generally an enemy would expect the blow from the right side, however, I swing my lightsaber from the left. My fingers are holding onto the grip with my every strength, and yes, this could be it, but he suddenly turns away from Cal and with that single move he lands a hard-ass hit on my left arm. Sharp pain shoots through me as I fall to the ground, letting go of the lightsaber. He shouldn’t have been prepared for me like that. I am shocked at his skills, and I’m actually in a great trouble since I lost the grip on my weapon and now he is going for it.  
I want to get up but the pain is still there, it’s almost blinding and my arm is probably broken. That’s when I see Cal go, now the jedi stands with grace and before the fucker could reach my weapon he is Force-pulled into Cal’s proximity only to be kicked in the stomach. The guy falls beside me and Cal steps next to him, immobilizing him by his heroic green laser aiming right at his chest.   
Now you are where you should be, ya show-off little shit!  
Half of me wants Cal to just drive it through him and get this over with, but we surely need the guy to find out what the hell is happening. Cere meanwhile pulls herself together and reaches us. Cal looks up at her for further instruction. I watch them as Cere nods in pride and a small smile tugs up Cal’s lips. I never saw these dynamics before between them but now I sense it. She is like a master to him.

’Who are you?!’– Cere leans down to the guy, voice cold and demanding.

’Hffsh’– he hisses which sounds like a chuckle– ’Did you really think he would let you go like that? With no consequences?’– he explains spitefully. I don’t understand it, but surely they do. 

’WHERE ARE THEY?!’– Cere is starting to lose her temper here.

’Oh, the rebels? You want to meet the WHOLE group? Collect their pieces inside and put them together’– I can’t believe it, the fucker really wants to joke right now. And, he goes on– ’ You must know I’m not the only one weapon he has against you. Listen’– and as he spits the last word I hear something nearby, moving. Like steps.  
We share a look and I find it better to ready my lightsaber again. The defeated man doesn’t move, we wait, but the sounds disappear… before ten or twelve stormtroopers emerge from behind the corner of the dark hallway. We are forced to defend ourselves as they open fire and deflecting does help as much as bringing in some blows and losing two or three of them, but they are still a lot for us to take, moreover now that the bounty hunter gets up to join the fun.

’Back to the Mantis! NOW’– Cere orders and it’s not my place to question her choice. We defend our way back to the gate that we pass and Cal uses the Force again to close it, gaining a little advantage for us to run really fast now. The structure of the hallway works in our favour too because it has a lots of turns and their shooting can’t reach us. But it’s early to celebrate the success. The moment we step out of the ruin, two tie fighters ready themselves to come after us.   
Just wonderful.

’Run to the right side!’ – Cere yells and she talks to Greez through the comm to bring the Mantis closer. They start firing at us and that slows us down, as we keep trying to deflect and evade every shot. 

’Hold on, Cal! Greez is almost here’– Cere gives the enthusiasm speech which I’d really appreciate myself as well.   
The time is not on our side now as the machines don’t tire like we do, and now we are both sweating and suffering, not like the first time we stepped on the planet.   
The heavy bullet-shower only subsides when the Mantis appears because they start shooting our ship instead. The entrance opens and we couldn’t be more grateful for the save as we head inside as quickly as we can. 

’For fuck’s sake, what the hell could go wrong here?’ Greez curses as the ship starts to rise.

’Whatever goes wrong everywhere. The Empire.’– Cere replies, panting. Cal is leaning against the kitchen counter and I find myself sitting down on the stairs leading up to it.  
We feel the quakes that are caused by the shooting but I feel quite safe as we reach space. I try to catch my breath until the jump and try to will my adrenaline levels down but Greez is giving me trouble calming down when he says:

’Oh, no. We have trouble.’

’What happened?’– Cal moves to the front to look at the monitors. 

’The engine is damaged. We need to land somewhere.’  
As I hear Greez’s words, my pulse jumps back into overdrive. Oh, crap. Now, when I finally almost started to feel the throbbing pain in my arm again. How nice would that be, compared to constant freaking threat of death.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Syle finds out how he can help the rebels. He also is getting to his breaking point which was expected after losing his loved ones... but this also means new beginnings.
> 
> And new beginnings mean flirty times ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys,
> 
> This is a long one, contains a little angst but nothing unbearable because I'm a sucker for fun times and happy endings.   
> I'm really glad that many of you seem to enjoy the story so far.  
> Don't be shy to comment, please :) I'd like to chat with if you you have an opinion on anything :) 
> 
> Happy reading!

’What are the options?’– Cere walks closer too and I am still sitting on the stairs, hoping this is not serious.

’We are currently close to Leritor or Rodia.’

’Let’s go to Rodia, then’– Cere decides. I have never been to either before. But I honestly hope we have had enough surprises for the day.

As soon as we get close to the land my senses start to tingle weirdly. I lied down after Cere checked on my arm and told me it was not broken. Still could hurt like hell, though.   
As I walk out of my chamber I hear silent talking from the kitchen. Almost whispering.

’Why so secretive now, Guys?’– I ask without any sense of politeness because I’m too exhausted to pay attention to that. Cere and Cal look at me with raised brows.

’We thought you were sleeping’– Cal explains. He looks so much better than half an hour ago while I still feel like I’ve been puked out twice.  
I make my way to the holo-table and sit. Cal and Cere keep looking at me like they were waiting for me to find out they put glue on the seat or something. 

’What?’– I frown with irritation.

’You’re feeling it too?’– Cal raises a brow.

’The Force?’ –I realize kind of immediately what he refers to. Cal nods. –Yeah, I’m feeling it too.

’Cal says you were a jedi guardian’– Cere steps forward, leaning against the table.

’Yes I was.’

’The galaxy needs as many Force-users on our side as we can have. During the fight I saw your moves, they were quite rusty. I want you two to train together. What do you think, Syle?’

’Woah, what?! Rusty?’– I can’t believe my ears. Did she really just call me a shitty fighter?

’I don’t mean to be offensive. But your reflexes are too slow, your moves too unpracticed for a jedi. It would do you good if you refreshed the memories of your training.’  
My eyes wander to the redhead’s green pair and he looks okay with the idea.

’Sure thing, sounds good to me’– I reply.

’Good. You’ll have some time to start until Greez and BD-1 fix the Mantis.’– Cere suggests.

’Cere, you know I can help too…’– Cal claims, but his master shakes her head.

’They will manage. You train the new team member.’

’Okay, understood.’  
The way she put it gives me a momentary warm twist inside my chest. 

’And help him with his injury’– Cere adds before she disappears into the cockpit.  
Oh, yeah. My arm. I was almost getting used to the dull pain above my wrist where that cocky bastard hit me with his purple thing. Guh.

’Hey, do we know anything about the guy who tried to kill us?’– I ask Cal standing up.

’Not really. He was a bounty hunter, sent by the Empire.’

’Oh. So you guys spat in their soup before?’

’You could say that’– Cal shrugs with a grin before he nods his head towards his sleeping cabin. –’Hey, come with me’–he says and I follow him. I’m trying but failing badly at not having any dirty thoughts, at all. But, come on. You can’t really influence the way you feel, right? And it’s been a long time. Does that make me a perv? Well, have you seen his legs? He’d probably blame those muscles on Jedi training but NOBODY looked like that when I was training… so yeah.  
But I don’t let my eyes linger for long because I know he is the unsure type to look back and check if I’m still there. And he does. And at that, I smirk because I am just a freaking genius at figuring people out.

’What are you hiding here? Drugs? Weapons?’ –I ask as we step inside the room.

’Now that you’re putting it this way… I think the answer would be Both.’– Cal laughs as he walks up to his desk at the end of the room. He has lots of repair tools on the surface and, if I can see it well, his lightsaber too.

’Hey, what are you trying to make out of your poor lightsaber?’

’Oh that here? I’m adding some tweaks to it from time to time.’

’Like what?’

’Like changing the grip for something more practical. I’ll show you later’–he promises and there is anticipation in his voice– ’But now’– he turns to me and before I even get my head around the situation I feel a little sting in my left shoulder as Cal touches me. I blink confused, rubbing my skin through my clothing at the slight pain. I feel my heart speed up a little and the heavy exhaustion I’ve been feeling so far is suddenly nowhere, it’s like I could run a mile, moreover I almost crave running. – ’Is it better now?’  
He is holding a little stimulant canister between his long fingers and is grinning like an idiot. Ohh, right, he just injected me. Very fucking nice move.

’Hey, man, what the hell?’– I snarl at him and Cal’s smile turns into confusion.– ’You really just drugged me?!’

’This is medication. A healing stim.’

’Healing stim my ass, my heart is pounding!’

’Because you are working yourself up…?! Hey, but is your arm still in pain?’– he raises his hands for the impact. And, huh. I kinda feel fine… but still!

’It’s better, isn’t it?’– his voice turns deep and cocky as the jedi raises his red brows and puts his hands on his hips smugly. I force out a puff of breath and roll my eyes at him in an attempt to calm my nerves before I turn and leave. I can hear his laugh inside his cabin. This guy is going to be the death of me…  
Or Rodia will.  
I am just getting fed up with warm planets, with sweat sticking my locks to my face and that nobody seems to be affected by it just me!  
I am waiting, leaning against a weird looking tree with my arms crossed while my new master is talking to HIS master about what the hell we should practice. My grey button-up top piece is stuck to my sweaty skin and I want nothing more than a puddle of cold water. A big-eyed frog jumps off of the tree I’m leaning into and I swallow hard.

’You will need your weapon’– Cal handles me my lightsaber with a gentle smile. He thinks I forgot about his evil stim-attack. Well, I didn’t. But looking back at the weird blue amphibian I couldn’t be more grateful for my weapon by my side.  
We walk into the forest, not so deep, only to have a little privacy for the training. I wouldn’t say I am ready but I have little choice.  
Cal is standing there, thinking.

’What now? Am I going to lift stones with the Force, or what?’

’That’s not a bad idea.’– Cal nods and searches the area for an optimal piece of rock to use. He finds a black stone that fits his palm perfectly and places it on the ground in front of me. –’That will do’– he claims. 

’Should I lift it?’

’Yes’– he says –’Cere told me to practice focusing with you. This task is actually very good for that.’

’Okay’– I shrug. I remember doing it during our trainings when I was a child. There was a time when it came easily to me like cracking eggs. I just closed my eyes and focused the energies to slide under the object and lift it up into the air. The simplest thing, really. Except, now it doesn’t move a single bit. I take a glance at Cal, at the way his emerald eyes radiate trust and hope and I feel a pang of shame wash through me.  
My eyes fall closed and I breathe through my nose. I can feel it, the Force, it’s everywhere. I remember when it first happened to me. After my 11th birthday. A late bloomer as always, that I was. Mori Mate, who later became my best friend’s master was very proud of me when I finally could carry out this task. I can remember the bright look on her face, she always knew how to make you feel appreciated. As the memory of her smile starts slowly shifting in my mind, I can see her expression flatten out… her eyes widen, she is now in panic. I have seen this moment too… in the last seconds of her life before she was slain.  
I swallow hard and shake my head to get rid of that image. It’s not the time, I just need to lift the stone. I want this to happen. The Force is with me, the energies are inside me, and around me, I can do it.  
Another memory pops up in my head without invitation. It’s Hiren. I can hear her talk.

’You saved us! Thank you!’

’Syle, you know that I trust you with my life…’

’It’s time to start fighting again.’ – and it just happens on it’s own now, without my control. The memories are mashed together, my mind is playing a trick on me.

’I trust you with my life…’

’You saved us…’

’I trust you’

’You didn’t save us, Syle! You didn’t save us and I trusted you with my life!’  
A part of me knows I’m only imagining the end of it. But it hurts and another part of me wants to be stabbed again by it. But it’s not the time. I need to lift this freaking thing. So, LIFT. Rise!  
RISE YOU FUCKING SHIT!!!  
I hear a silent thump from the real world and I slowly open my eyes, not even knowing how long I have been standing there – but long enough that now the actual daylight is hurting my eyes. And, though I know this was not the most elegant way to accomplish my task: but it moved! I can see how the stone’s position has changed on the ground. I let my eyes meet Cal’s and expect some appreciation, but the jedi does not look satisfied, not even a little.  
Instead he is scratching his neck and biting into his bottom lip in frustration.

’What? I lifted it.’

’You did it out of anger. We don’t use the Force with anger. We trust in the Force, and don’t…’

’Oh, come on, give me a break! I DO trust in the Force!’

’But you do not trust yourself.’

’What?!’

’I… I saw something when I touched your lightsaber before we started…’– he starts and I already can tell this is not going to be pleasant. – ’I saw you chasing somebody, another jedi… who was causing destruction in his way. He was using the dark side of the Force. And you chose to save the civilians instead of catching him… That was during the purge, right? That’s how you ended up with the rebels. You saved them.’  
I did. And then, I didn’t. Maybe I shouldn’t have in the first place. What benefit did I gain from it? I just lost everybody again. WHY?! I should have let the stormtroopers kill me. And, Yastel. I shouldn’t have fought him. It was just foolish…

’Syle?’– the jedi reaches out to touch my arm but I jerk away furiously.

’What the FUCK do you know about me, Cal? Huh?! You think we are alike because you and I come from the same place? Well, we aren’t. You are a jedi, and I am NOT! I’m not…’ – I yell and turn, but I the image of his innocent hurt face still burns into my mental screen.  
And now I’m just running with nowhere to go, deeper into the forest, not paying attention or caring about the creatures under my feet or over my head, I’m just getting away… from those people… who could still be hurt because of me.  
When I feel like I’m far enough, I stop to catch my breath. I’m panting and sweating everything feels like shit. But something deep inside me stirs again, like when we landed, only so much stronger now.  
I can feel it: the tingle, the energies rushing through my every part from head to toe. It’s the Force, and it’s concentrated here for some reason… I decide to listen to it this once. I can’t get any more lost than I already am. So I follow the pull of it, and start walking, from tree to tree, stepping over bushes until I reach the absolute center of it, where an old gravestone stands in between the trees. I get closer, watching carefully the mysterious thing. It has nothing written on it, it must be too old. Is this a jedi’s final resting place? I have never heard the story of the solitary grave on Rodia, but now I sense the power that it holds, and it is crazy. My arms go all goosebumpy. Probably my head too.  
So, I need to touch it. It whispers to me, and not in a frightening way. I step up to it and satisfy this need by placing my palm against the cold stone. The rush of images and memories in my head is sudden and overwhelming. I can see all of them clearly, the faces belonging to the people I lost. They are talking to me, I hear it like when I practiced with Cal, but more clearly. I re-live when I received my lightsaber from Mori, when I woke up at Synaga Orma Medical Center and I first saw my new prosthetic right hand, when Yastel gave me a crystal for my birthday, when Hiren shoved the pendant into my hands and said that I should protect it at all costs.  
The pendant!  
My hand parts from the gravestone and I fall back onto my butt. It all breaks and the real world penetrates my brain, the fog clears and I take shaky breaths, holding onto my chest, feeling the outline of something under my clothes. I reach up to my neck immediately and pull on the leather that holds the only piece of jewelry I ever had: a pendant, that Hiren gave me. She said it was a map.   
I was half asleep when I heard them outside in the hallway, I just turned 16.

’There are many of us in the galaxy, more than you’d imagine!’ – her voice sounded tense which she never was.

’And what would we be enough for? How can we even locate the others?’– Golji asked with disbelief.

’I made a map.’ – Hiren explained.– ’A map that shows the location of all the hideouts of the rebel groups in the galaxy.’– I mutter her words to myself now.   
She later came into my room and asked me to protect the pendant at all costs.   
Holy shit. I had the map this whole time! This is important!  
I jump to my feet as I keep staring at the triangular piece of metal. It has bumps all over and I run my fingers over them to find one bump on the underside that is too smooth to the touch compared to the others. I push it down and the bump moves under the surface of the pendant. Suddenly a blue light appears out of the hole and a holo-map pops out, showing the whole galaxy in front of my eyes. My mouth falls open and I hold it up high to be able to see the whole thing. It’s truly amazing. Every planet, every important space object and memorable ship can be seen on it, and green dots indicate the locations Hiren mentioned to me. The rebels… It even shows the number of people hiding in one place or another. The map couldn’t have been updated for years, but still… this information would be valuable to any rebel leaders. If they ever want to unite the hiding rebel groups to make a strong resistance this is the key!  
Oh my goodness. Why did you give this to me? Shit, Hiren, what I would give for a talk with you right now…

’Syle?’– I suddenly hear my name and I almost drop the pendant in shock. It’s Cere, and in her tracks there is also Cal, following her. My heart would sink remembering my earlier behaviour any other time, but not now. They just need to see this.

’Hey, I found something important!’– I announce, but they already are looking at the holo-map.

’It’s a map’– Cere notes, correctly.– ’What does it show?’

’Rebels’– I explain with enthusiasm – ’It shows rebel hideouts throughout the galaxy!’

’Really?’– Cal steps closer, eyes widening. 

’Where did you find that?’– Cere asks still carefully.

’I had it the whole time around my neck. I only forgot. Hiren gave it to me years ago to protect it. This place made me remember…’

’It’s buzzing with the Force here’– Cal claims. –’Strange.’

’So Hiren wanted you to protect it?’– Cere steps closer and I touch the bump again so the holoscreen closes. And now it’s back to being a simple old-stylish pendant on a necklace.

’Yes, she said that.’

’Great. Finally something we can work with’– Cere tells me and a slight smile appears on her face. –’Now let’s get out of here.’

As we head toward the Mantis, Cere tells me that she heard about this map from other rebels already and now we will have a chance to help the others. It gives me hope, and I’m really glad that something is actually working in our favour now.  
Some minutes later Cere is already some steps ahead of us while Cal and I keep walking side by side, in sheer silence for some time until he needs to evade a protruding tree’s trunk and he bumps into my shoulder in the process.

’Ah, sorry’– he smirks and I sigh a ’No probs.’ Then, it seems the right time to just spill it.

’Hey, I… I am sorry for being a jerk. Ya know, back there. I had a lot on my mind… but still.’– I push my lips together into a straight line, I’m not very good at this. I really hope he appreciates my effort here.  
But I think he does. Cal nods and gives me a heart-felt smile. The part of my chest that felt cramped and frozen now starts to melt and relax.

’It’s okay. Really.’– he tells me and BD-1 squeaks on his back, repeating Cal’s words keenly.

’Ya know, if you’re still willing to teach me, I’m ready to learn, Master.’

’On one condition. Don’t ever call me Master. It makes me nervous’– he half-jokes.

’Try again’– Cal instructs back behind the Mantis the next morning. He set up a practice-table and he placed empty cans on top of eachother in three lines. My task is to Force-push the pile apart, or at least move it. On my first 4 tries they only moved slightly, or not at all. In my defense though, the guy is wearing those freaking tight leather pants again and his hair is still wet from his shower. He is annoyingly hot, a simple glance at him gives me shivers. Like the heat on this freaking planet wasn’t enough!  
I roll my eyes at him and then close my eyes.

’Focus. Ignore all distractions…’– he recites the words a real master would tell a padawan. 

’Then shut it, you are distracting me’– I grin without opening my eyes. He has no idea on how many levels this is true.

’Me? I’m helping’– he wants to clarify with a half-offended huff.

’Not in those pants, you aren’t’– I let it slip and with the inaproppriate comment I make myself laugh.

’Huh? My pants?’ – Cal looks down at himself with a confused frown, his wet hair falling into his face. Shuhh I really hope he is not Force-eavesdropping on my rushing heart. – ’You find them distracting?’

’Stop it and let me focus on my task now, you fool’ – I giggle and fuck me if I’m not red as a tomato now.

’Eh, sure’ – Cal is grinning at me with a surprised head-shake but he actually looks… pleased? I can’t believe he is biting his lower lip now, looking at his feet, blushing. Wait until I bite you, you freaking fake-innocent bastard.  
Well, now that we have this out of the way… I turn away to take a very deep breath and lock everything out to only focus on the pile I need to deal with.   
I shut out Cal Kestis, my fluttering heart at the thought of him being pleased with my flirty comment and the hot way he got himself flustered over it. Okay, done.  
I feel the Force, I interact with it, I control it. And with a simple push the cans will fly off the desk. Three… two… one! My fingers flex and my palm moves sligthly forward and I hear clanking which is a good sign.  
I open my eyes finally, grinning with self-satisfaction which turns even more that when I see the still blushing and fidgety Cal Kestis standing beside me.

’Easy job’– I shrug casually, raising one eyebrow.

’Not bad… but could still improve.’– Cal breaks off my pride.

’What? Why?’

’There is still fear in the way you use the Force. It should solely come from hope, enthusiasm. Positive emotions. Like, wanting to save someone.’– Cal suggests and I feel a slight figurative punch to my gut at the associations I have with the word ’save’.  
He can see it, I know because he always does this. He steps closer and touches my arm above my elbow. 

’You know, it’s amazing how you found the map today.’

’Huh. It was here all this time. I’m an idiot for forgetting it in the first place.’

’But the Force reminded you, because you needed to know it. We needed it.’

’Are you saying something cheesy like it’s my destiny to be here?’ – I laugh it off. But I’m interested in what he has to say. 

’All I’m saying is… she gave it to you for a reason. Hiren trusted you to survive even if they wouldn’t. And, you did. Remember, I told you to keep fighting. She’d want that too. And, she’d be proud now.’

Oh, wow, that reached deeper than what I was prepared for.

’Uhh, fuck you, Cal Kestis!’ – I laugh while a teardrop flees my left eye and I immediately rub it off of my face.  
I can see him softly smile at me and this is the first time that I want to kiss him for the person he is and not for his looks. I won’t though, but it crosses my mind that maybe, only probably once he will not mind me doing so. And this possibility is something new and awfully exciting.  
But I shouldn’t get distracted again, so I get into training position instead, taking a glance at the table which has still three cans standing. Then I ask the jedi:

’So if I knock them down, I save a life?’

’Yeah, sure’– Cal nods and turns to watch my performance.

’Alright. Just get behind me now’– I say and for my surprise, he does move away. I inhale deeply and focus. My hand lifts, the muscles flex… and the Force-push sends two cans from the three off the table.

’Yes! That is it!’– Cal walks back over to me, grabbing my shoulder, grinning proudly. I involuntarily lean into his touch. –’Perfect. But why did I have to go away?’– he asks, his eyes searching me. 

’Well. I can’t imagine having to save ya if you’re just standing in my sight with that smug face of yours!  
Cal’s brows rise as his expression softens.

’So, me, huh?’

’I don’t have many friends left to be saved.’

’Well, you just saved me. Well done.’ – he winks at me and I already suspect that this man is going to give me my biggest trouble soon enough…


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Syle has to face not only his past, but his attraction to Cal as well.  
> They land on Dantooine and meet a rebel group for real this time. But Syle can't hide from his memories from 6 years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Cal-fans :)
> 
> Sorry for slowing down, work happened. But I kept writing all week to make it bearable ;)
> 
> This chapter contains a somewhat smutty scene, and more than one heated moments. So hope you still like it, but why else would you still be here if not for the big love story? 
> 
> I really appreciate your presence and I if you stick around I can promise you some serious smut to come (around chapter 6?) that I have already written, just isn't fitted into context yet.
> 
> Meanwhile I'll grant you pieces like this, and the adventure goes on as well.
> 
> Happy reading,   
> and hugs to all of you who like Cal Kestis / Cameron as much as I do :)

We agreed with Cere that we should find a rebel leader to accomplish my mission with the map, and Dantooine seemed a perfect spot for that because the holo-map showed a big number of rebels hiding out there.   
Dantooine was a place I knew before, too. I accompanied Yastel and Mori when the jedi master had business there. It was the place where we fell into a cave's opening and the two of us were trapped for a whole night. We didn't mind it that much, tough...  
Yastel. I knew he was most likely dead by now. But you never really forget your damn first love, right? Even if he betrayed you, and everything you believed in. Or, especially then.  
Cal has been working on fixing the Mantis all day. Greez finally admitted that he'd need his help after all so he could once again make use of his repair skills and those stylish tools attached to his belts.  
And while my favourite training partner works, covered in nasty oils and dirt I decide to cook something interesting. Since I promised a sivana, I decide to give it a go. As we lack some ingredients I change the recipe I knew slightly, using more fruits than usually, and a different kind of milk. The result is still impressive, even for myself. So I place the ready food on the edge of the kitchen counter, when I am suddenly startled by Greez.

’What the hell did you do, Kid? The whole ship smells like burnt pancakes!’ 

’Eh, more like sivanas. Ehm, not burnt either.’- I clarify.  
Greez's eyes go wide (as they can) and he shakes his head violently.

’No way... I can't believe you just wasted our food supplies for something even cantina cooks can't get right!’- he pouts, staring at the plate, then back at me in anger. I can't help but laugh, shrugging defensively.

’Why don't you taste it before you decide to hate it, Captain?’

’Nah! My stomach is ah, well. Ya know. A sensitive thing. I don't want to upset it by your... experiment food.’

’Your loss’ -I laugh and since I need to be dramatic I take a bite from it, visibly swallowing the piece, all that with a proud grin. His expression is still somewhere between shocked and disgusted.  
Then Cere comes in and sits me down at the holo-table. She opens a panel that seems to be some kind of a list. She asks me to check it and collect the names which seem familiar to me. It sounds like a bad joke. It actually isn’t. She is trying to find connections with rebels she heard of. But holy fuck, it’s really a lot.  
There are a million people listed and I’m not sure I recognize any of them. After the first twelve minutes I’m starting to think Cere gave me this job to test me, or fuck with my brain. There are so many better things I could kill my time with. Like, sleeping for example. Last night I didn’t get much of that, to be honest. Too many things has happened recently, and the adrenaline was still working my motors, no matter how long or hard I tried to count purrgils. But I didn’t mind it. Something just fell into place and my chest felt freed of a weight. And, I started to get the feeling again that I’m among friends, which thought made me smile. I was just lying there in the dark, my lips sometimes curling upwards with an emotion wave. Felt awfully idillic and a little crazy.  
Too bad that the surge of energy runs out. Now I constantly have to slap myself to not pass out on the holo-table. All for nothing because I doze off anyway. When I find myself startled awake by a noise, Cal is already in the Mantis and he looks painfully drawn-out. He exhaustedly slicks his sweaty hair back, his slightly sunburnt skin glistening. The guy’s working t-shirt and baggy pants are covered in dirt and oil stains. 

’Haaaahh.. ’- Cal lets out a sigh as he leans against the wall, his chest rising and falling. Then, his left eye opens and notices me sitting behind the table. His lips curl into a curious smirk. 

’What? Don’t you like what you see now?- his voice sounds actually seductive and I almost laugh out loud at the daring tone. How in hell would I not like how he looks now? Doesn’t he see me drooling over him? It’s alright, I can play dirty if that’s what he needs. 

’Want to find out? Come closer then’– I shift to the edge of the couch, when he steps right in front of me with a lustful grin, his face flushed. I can’t simply believe it. When did he become so... naughty?   
Did I really corrupt him with only one flirty compliment? Well what kind of a jedi are you, Cal Kestis?  
Though, for sure I am panting now too with an open mouth while watching him. My face is in line with his stomach, so close I could reach it with my tongue, but now I just glance up instead. He is staring back down with that smirk.

’Does it bother you that I'm not clean? Why don't you wash me then?’- he cocks his head to the side in anticipation.  
Alright, this is not funny any longer. By now my hands are shaking when I carefully lift my fingers up to touch his thighs and I stroke at them upwards. Cal hisses through his teeth and his eyes fall shut in pleasure keeping the smile all along. Before I could reach the hem of his shirt though, he suddenly grabs the material and rips it off of his body. I mean, the thing actually tears and falls to the ground while he is standing there half naked!  
Well if I was shocked before now I'm having a flash.

’Woah...’ - I blink up at him, letting my eyes take in all the dips and bulges on his abs - and he is even fitter than I thought on my dreamless nights when he accidentally somehow came to my mind.  
And now, I haven't even mentioned the way his skin glistens under his collarbone, it's almost artistic. I didn't think his chest would be covered in freckles either but it is, and fuck me but it looks beautiful. I bet he knows, he senses it, he can hear my heartbeat or whatever, but he is aware of his devestating effect on me, because he is slowing down.  
The jedi keeps watching me with his emerald eyes and strokes one finger over my jawline, only slightly touching my skin.

’Holy shit, C-Cal...’ - I can hardly get out the words and my voice cracks like a teenager's would. Fuuck.  
I'll just simply go crazy if I can't touch him so I suddenly press my lips against the dip over his hipbone and that finally earns me my control back when he moans my name loudly. About fucking time!   
Now that I have the upper hand I start covering all of his exposed bits with little bites, sucks and kisses.

’Syle!!’ - I can hear him again, but somehow it doesn't sound like pleasure this time. It's like a... calling?

’Hmpf?’- I jerk awake suddenly, realizing where I am. 

Holy fuck, was that a dream? As the daylight penetrates my eyes it almost hurts at the back of my head. I groan because it's not a very pleasant feeling, especially not after the setting I'm just coming from.   
Then I hear steps getting close and I'm suddenly too aware of myself, the possibility that I drooled over my chin and that my hair is tangled and stuck to my forehead. Oh, and I'm having a tent in my trousers as well. Shit.

’Hey, you're here? I didn't even see you.’ -Yeah, it's him. Of course it is. But this time, he is not half-naked, isn't dirty, moreover, he looks like he just had a relaxing bath and a whole week of calm sleep. Really, I sometimes wonder what this guy is actually made of...

’Y-yeah, I was just... chilling’- I say trying to sound casual, but my voice sounds like I've been shouting at a rock concert all night.   
I see a slight, held-back smirk on his face and I want to check if the table is still blocking his sight to my lap. Yeah, still.

’Did you fall asleep?’- he asks with that smirk still going on.

’Why?’- I try to evade playfully.

’Em, because you look like it’- he shrugs.

’I look that bad?’

’What? I didn’t mean… no.’- Woah, is that a blush? I grin at the boy who bites his lower lip flustered, adorably, and turns away towards the kitchen.- ’Ah, is... is that for me? The... food.’

’It's for whoever is brave enough to take a bite’- I wink, enjoying the moment of control, but he gets over his fluster quickly. He places his hands on his hips.

’Well, someone has already been very brave today, then. There is only a handful left.’

’What?!’- I jump up to see, but instantly sit back because, huh. Problems.  
Cal makes a confused face at me.

’Uh, sure, have it. That's called a sivana, by the way.’

’No. It's called a bloody masterpiece!’ -Greez walks in, pieces of fruit stuck to his moustache. –’From now on, the new boy is going to be responsible for cooking, I’m telling you that.’

’Okay, I really need to try it now’- Cal jumps back into the kitchen and I can't help but feel overly proud. More so, when my favourite jedi lets out a surprised yelp with his mouth still full. 

’Woow, thiff iff delicious!’

Cere is knee deep in the rebel map, zoomed in and very attentive. 

'Are you trying to learn their faces?' - I joke when walking over to it. Looking at the pendant still gives me a bittersweet twist in my chest.

'Not exactly. I'm looking for the leaders I've worked with or met before. Tani Fadd is a good friend of mine. And you highlighted her name too. When did you last see her?'

'Couple of months ago. She was a recent visitor in the Inn.'

'Great. So she is most likely still reachable.' -Cere concludes and I want to argue because last week all of my mates on Vrogas were still reachable, then, they aren't anymore.

'Go, get some sleep now. Greez said you fell asleep out here in the afternoon.'

'Greez saw me? Of course, he had to walk over there to eat my food.'

'I mean it, you need rest. How is your injury?'

'It's better... the bruise is almost gone.'  
BD rolls between us and chirps something strange. 

'What did it just say?' - I frown at Cere.

'You didn't learn the language?'

'Languages are not my strong side'

'BD wants to give you a stim.'

'Ohhoo, no way, man. Sorry.'

'Cal said it helped you'

'I'd rather sleep it off, thanks.'

From my sweet and this time dreamless sleep I am roused by the same cocky redhead as last time. He is so careful and innocent-looking that I can be 100% positive this is not the beginning of another wet dream.   
I hear the sound of the door sliding open, then a forceful whisper hits my ear while the light slowly enters the room.

’Syle? Hey, we are landing... you awake?’

’Now I am’- I shift to face him. Cal makes a regretful face like he is about to apologize.

’It's okay, man... where did we land actually this time?’

’On Dantooine. We are meeting the rebel group...’

’Oh, crap! Dantooine... right.’

’Is everything... you know, okay?’- Cal is pacing at the door back and forth, seeing my panic.

’Sure, I just... I have been here before. With... a jedi and his master. I accompanied them when I was... like 14.’  
An uncomfortable silence settles for a moment, I can hear Cal's gulp.

’Was it a pleasant visit?’- he finally asks tentatively.

’Yeah... yeah it was.’- I decide. At the time it was the best thing ever.- ’Are ya trying to say I should focus on the good things no matter what happened afterwards?’

’Something like that, yeah. And, it's a way to get in a closer connection with the Force too.’

’Sure’- I nod and follow him out. 

Based on our earlier experiences I am definitely taking my lightsaber with me. The little droid proposes that I should change the grip because it's overused. But I like it messy so I shrug and say no. Then it beeps something like, I could visit Cal to do it for me and for a brief moment I feel like even machines are getting pervy these says. But then I realize it's only me.  
The entrance is already open when we step out and Greeze is carrying some big foodholders off the ship.

’Is it some kind of a harvest here or something?’– I ask with wondering eyes.

’Shut it, Kid. What do you plan to use for cooking with no supplies, anyway?’

’So we are coming here to milk the rebels. Nice.’

’That image is quite unpleasant’- Cere shakes her head. –’No. Our priority is to meet one of the rebel leaders. I figured that Tani Fadd or Saw Gerrera should be here. If they received our message they will be waiting for us.’  
This time we don't need to walk miles inside a maze to find the destination. As soon as we get off the ship I see wooden houses, and people running around from point A to B in a hurry. The place looks like a village or a small city. They can allow themselves this comfort because the planet is in the middle of nowhere. The temperature is warm here as well, but nothing compared to a Rodia-heat wave. So, first impression is not bad, after 6 years.   
While Cere and the others move forward to initiate contact with the guards my eyes drift to the left because a memory crosses my mind. Wow, yeah. There it is. The jedi temple in the distance... I remember that.

6 YEARS AGO

’Have you ever been here, Yastel?’- I asked looking up at him as we left the ship. I was getting almost as tall as him but he still had half his head above mine. He rolled his eyes as he usually did when I was bugging him. But i still loved to push.

’Course I have, for my crystal.’-He pulled his robe to the side to nod at his lightsaber at his hip.  
I got mine as a gift from Yastel’s master, Mori not so long ago.  
Yastel had a blue one, though. He was a jedi padawan while I was only training to be a jedi sentinel. The masters suspected I didn’t have that strong of a connection to the Force before as well, but after my test the choice was crystal clear. I never felt jelous though, not at Yastel. This way I had the opportunity to travel around with him and his master, Mori who I grew really fond of.

’Master Mori allowed us some freetime until she talks to Kahide. Walk with me?’- as he said it, he had that troublemaker smirk on his face he always had before we got into some waist-deep shit. I should have expected it by that time, but I was blinded by crazy teenage hormones and was grinning at him from ear to ear like an idiot, then I nodded 4 times enthusiastically.

’You keeping up?’ - Cal steps up to me when he notices I am missing. He follows my eyes to the temple. –’You been there?’

’Just visited it once. Never went inside...’

’We could later, if you want to...’- Cal hesitates a little and he seems different... almost shy around me since my flirty slip on Rodia. For the first time I feel unsure if my actions were harming our forming relationship. I wouldn't want to make him uncomfortable, not for the world. 

’Thanks Cal’- I say and follow him with a smile.   
The rebel base looks huge and very busy. Every kind of people work together against the Empire. At the thought pride floods my chest as we walk after a couple of guards; a wookie and two women are leading us into a simple triangular building. They let us into a smaller chamber where people are looking at a holo-panel, and among those people there is at last no other than Saw Gerrera.  
The guy seems to remember all of us. The last time he saw me I was almost half of my current self, as the skinny teenager I was. He instantly recognizes me though.

’Syle Metri. I'm very glad to see you alive. We heard about the events on Vrogas Vas, I'm sorry about it. But what you two did with the fuel station is beyond heroic, you earned us a great victory. Thank you for that.’- He squeezes my arm hard enough that I wince because my injury still isn't 100% healed. Still, his words bring some relief. I didn't even ackowledge the tension this meeting was placing on me until now. Talking about the attack does still not feel easy, maybe it never will be.

’We have something that could earn more than one victory, Saw’- Cere begins and makes eye contact with me. I reach inder my button-up vest and pull out the pendant, removing it from around my neck.  
The leader looks down at it with a recognizing stare. 

’I know what this is!’ -His tone indicates excitement and a deep interest. He reaches for it and I think about it before I let it slide out of my grip. –’Hiren made it, didn't she? It's the map.’

’Yes. Yes, it is’- I reply silently. So he knows about it. I wonder if he knew it was with me for years. I wonder if he knew about the attack when it was happening. He probably could have helped Hiren. Just the thought clouded my mind with doubts and anger, all for something my brain might just have made up. I try to relax and meditate while watching them from the corner of my eye. He starts to study the map with Cere and they talk. I can’t perceive the words, though. I'm feeling this uncomfortable pull inside me and all I want is to leave. Cal senses it, I realize from the way his gaze shifts to me with concern. When I can't bear it any longer I turn to get out of there. Cal stops me, carefully touching my back.

’Can I help you somehow?’- he only asks this, nothing pushy, nothing painful. I appreciate it but I must be alone now.

’I just need some air. I'll be back soon, okay?’

’Yeah, sure. I'll reach you through the comm if you're not here when we're ready to leave.’

’Right’- I nod and walk out. I know he's looking at me as I go... he is not the only jedi feeling the other's discomfort here.

Huhh. I am in a lot better mood when I'm halfway to the jedi temple. By this time I almost wish I brought Cal with me, because we talked about it earlier. But it's healthy to take some me-time now and then. And, though this place is bringing back some painful memories, it kinda feels refreshing in a way to experience this nostalgia.   
Around the temple there are less of these tropical high-ass trees and I start to sweat. But it's still worth it, because this building is epic.  
It's like nothing has changed since the last time. 

6 YEARS AGO

’I want to go inside again’- Yastel sighed, almost overwhelmed by his memories.  
’We can't. You know that’- I enlightened him about the rules he often chose to forget. And as always, he rolled his eyes at me.  
’Have you never wanted to break the rules, Syle?’ - he asked with a suggestive grin and my heart skipped a beat at that.  
’Sometimes I do...’ -I claimed to gain his approval.  
’Then, we climb’- he smiled and found a part at the back of the building where the stones sticked out enough to grab. Yastel lifted himself up and continued to climb until he was on top of the wall. My insides started to jiggle with nerves and I wasn't sure if I was feeling Yastel's excitement through the Force or it was only my own. Of course I knew it was a bad idea. Master Mori would give us punishment, like an extra training day or two in a row if she found out. But now it was just the two of us. 

’Hey, you comin' up, Boy?’

’I'm not a boy. I'm a jedi guardian!’- I growled. He called me that most of the time and I couldn't figure out if he thought of me as a kid or it was just his way of talking. He was 2 years older than me, that's not such a big difference. But maybe at 14 and 16 it is.   
Yastel was laughing while I started climbing. It wouldn't have to be so hard to reach the next stone but my prosthetic right hand didn't feel my own yet sometimes. I had received it almost a year ago when I failed my test and lost my hand. The basic movements were coming together already, but climbing a stone wall was not something I practiced a lot on Coruscant.   
My gloved fingers slipped once, twice, and when I tried for the third time I fell back on my butt in the sand. 

’Uhh, crap’- I groaned, though it didn't hurt that much, only my pride.

’Something wrong?’- the jedi padawan asked.

’My hand is not ready for this...’- I admitted, staring at the fingers as I moved them back and forth. I heard a thud as Yastel jumped off the wall and he rushed up to me. 

’Show me’- he almost ordered. I wished I could feel more with it when he held my gloved hand softly.

’You should use it more often for delicate things...’- he said, eyebrows raised. I felt heat spreading inside me from my heart down my spine as I listened and watched him. –’I can feel it, you know. You can't keep secrets from me. You are liking what I’m doing, am I right?’ 

’I... I never said I didn't.’ -I took a shaky breath.  
He suddenly leaned very close, his nose brushing mine, his black locks touching my skin.

-Do you want to experience something the jedi never feel?  
Holy crap, I thought. Breaking the rules never seemed so appealing before.

I walk up to the wall where it all happened. The stones are still sticking out but not so prominently as I remembered. A strange surge of emotions runs through me when I touch the first one. Nothing magical, only the dramatic flashy memories in my mind. I grab it and push myself, then the second above it, and my feet is lifted from the ground. I follow a trail I'm planning along the way, only paying attention to the next move, and soon enough I am pushing myself up over the edge of the wall.   
I just did it.  
6 years ago I never thought I ever will, but I am there, at the top of it. The view inside is as spectacular as I always imagined. All the caves and pillars that keep the temple together are visible from here. In the other direction I can see the rebel village and the Mantis as well. A smile ghosts over my face and I let out a calming sigh.   
That's when a bullet randomly hits my right leg.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going deeper.  
> Syle is attacked while swimming in nostalgia.  
> Cal opens up a little and their bond is getting stronger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everyone.  
> I hope there are still people out there who want to read smutty Cal M/M because I'm getting there very soon.  
> One adjustment I must make, though. It might be in chapter 7, not 6. But to be fair, I'm posting chapter 6 tomorrow to be closer to it! :D Forgive me. [EDIT: Shoooot me, I need one more day to edit chapter 6, but it's written and almost ready. Bear with me please because I want to give you something goooood <3]
> 
> And, this chapter happens to be a little deep and romantic. Hopefully not too cheesy, but let me know what you think.
> 
> Happy reading, Buddies :)

The pain strikes later than the realization: we have a fucking tracking device on the Mantis!  
And none other than one familiar helmet - on our old friend, the bounty hunter's head- is getting closer from the left side of the temple. I react as quickly as I can in the heat of the moment, but jumping off the wall only seemed a good plan in my head.  
As the pressure of the landing and the bullet-caused injury meet inside me with a sharp shock, I yell out in pain and fall to the ground, but I still draw my lightsaber. I'm waiting for the next shot and I'm ready to evade, even hope for an attack because deflecting is something I'm usually good at.  
However, the guy chooses to walk up to me, his movements rather casual than threatening. I'm sitting on my ass but am ready. He stops just far enough away not to get hurt by my weapon. The man laughs under the black helmet. 

’You really think I'm that stupid?’  
The tone of his voice is sort of familiar, or I just met too many douchy bastards of his kind. Well, stupid or not, I don’t really care. I only need one quick leap forward and I could reach him just enough to get a blow in, then we could interrogate the guy or just feed him to the rats. At this point both scenarios would satisfy my agitated soul.  
Can't say I'm the patient type which is a big flaw of a jedi of any kind, but I'm just wired that way. I try to take 3 calming breaths, while he takes a step to the side and then back. 

’What now? Cat got your tongue?’  
It's done. I burst with a growl and jump up, pain shooting through me but I know I will strike him and that keeps me going, angling the lightsaber just perfectly to cut into his side, Then I am stopped mid-air and am thrown into the ground with a hard shove.  
Oh, crap, no. I have been feeling this weird sinking in my stomach for a while now but I thought it was caused by the nostalgic shit I've dwelling on at the temple. Not the Force! Fuck... So this guy is a Force-user. And, a bounty hunter at the same time. I get confused. He could just be an inquisitor if he sides with the Empire... Right? Doesn't really matter, though because now he'll likely kill me.  
My saber is in the sand too far away from me and he is aiming the blaster at my head. Sure, it’s not how I imagined my day when I woke up. But life sometimes just finds a way to kick you in the butt.  
My goodness, I wish I took Cal with me. He'd easily smash the idiot into pieces and we'd be alright to go on and bugger eachother while we chase some adventures. I think of him for a moment, the way he tucks back a strand of hair from his handsome face. Huh. As my head fills with the jedi I remember our training and the thought occurs to me that I might be able to Force-push the attacker though I have never done that before.  
I just need to concentrate... He said, it should be epic and positive. I have to save someone... Save him. This clown will get him too if I don't handle this scene well. But fuck, who am I kidding? Cal is gonna kick his ass even without me. Guh, self-esteem is something Cal can’t teach me so easily. 

'Now you' re coming with me, move!' - the guy suddenly yanks me up from the ground and I lose the train of pout in my head. Wait, he won't kill me? 

'What? Ugh, shit!' - I groan as my right leg moves and it hurts like hell. I never thought I'd crave a stim this badly. 

'Move, I said. You are not my target.' 

'Who is?!'  
He tries to push me forward by my shoulder and then I make the quick choice to turn, and with that movement I elbow him in the face (helmet). When he falls to the ground, I kick the blaster out of his grip and before he could pull it back, I jump on top of him and ignoring the pain inside my calf, I just hit him as hard as I can, one punch after the other. We struggle and kick and yell at eachother, then he turns us and wants to suffocate me in the sand, but suddenly the weight flies off me and I feel the tingles of a positive Force-user all over myself.  
It's Cal! When I look up and I see his face, relief floods my brain. Oh, how grateful I am for his save! It's almost enough of a gratification to see how he evades the bastard's pathetic try to fight back, when he takes his purple dagger out of his robes. Cal's green light flashes into life and he jumps, taking control of the duel, twisting and parrying. He intimidates the bad guy for sure because he suddenly uses the Force to push Cal off of him and until my friend gathers himself back up the attacker flees. Moments later from behind the temple we can hear his vehicle's engine before he disappears.  
At last, I don't feel the need to hold myself up any longer and I let my head fall on my back into the soft soil. Soon I can see the jedi above me, kneeling beside my worn out form, BD one hopping off of his shoulder to get me a healing stim. 

'Syle? You alright? Hey!' - I hear him talk and even feel the sting of the injection under my skin but the world nontheless becomes a blur slowly as I fade into unconsciousness.  
It feels like only seconds pass before I open up my eyes again, waking for the pleasant background noise of a calm chatter around me. The setting is although quite different from my temple-adventure. Beginning with the first obvious difference, daylight is gone and it's dark. With lots of people around, and the warmth of a campfire next to me. Hope they weren't planning my funeral yet, huh.  
I look around for familiar faces and notice Saw Gerrera with some rebels I don't personally know, talking peacefully a little away from the fire. There are some also-strangers who are preparing some kind of a food next to me. Based on the smell of it the thing should taste awesome! My stomach does a hungry flip so I move to sit up to will the growl away. One of the cooks' gaze falls on my form and she yells over her shoulder: 

’Hey Cal, your friend is awake!’  
Oh thank goodness. A mean thought has already begun to materialize in my head that they might have left me here.  
I have the stupidest smile when I follow the eyes of the rebel girl to take in the sight of him. Cal turns and walks up to me immediately, whatever he has been doing forgotten immediately. His face shows a slight worry. I can't help but look away with a traitorous blush, but to hell with it, because I feel important, cared for and almost even loved at that moment. I bite my lip but cut it out before he reaches the... umm, table(?) I'm planted on. With a sleeping bag under me, which makes the surface only less comfortable, because I'm kind of sweaty everywhere. Well, beggars can’t be choosers, I’m glad to be alive. I look up when I hear him. 

’Hey, you're finally awake! We've been worried’- his face looks a little worn-out indeed. Still handsome, though. I notice the "we" though, in his speech, not 'I have been'. Not that it means anything, but a little pang of disappointment crawls into my chest. Hm. Whatever. 

’You know, I'm not going to die of a... ughh shit that still hurts!’- I jolt up immediately when I move that leg. – ’How fresh are those stims of your little friend's exactly?!’  
BD-1 barks at me to go fuck myself in beeps, but in a nicer manner of course. I'd love to see a swearing droid once, though...  
Cal only smirks at it. 

’Stims don't really heal bulletwounds immediately. But now that you're bringing it up...’ -Cal turns to his little friend but it squeaks a 'no'. 

’BD, please? He doesn't know what he is talking about...’ – Cal tries. Really? An offended droid? Shuh. I roll my eyes. 

’Keep it, I don't want to become an addict as your jedi right there’- I shrug. From the corner of my eye I can see his disbelieving huff. 

’Ehhm, you mean me?!’ - his tone is heavy with fighting back a laughter combined with shock and protest.- 'An addict?' - which turns into a deep growl. I have never before heard his voice being this heavy with emotions and for some strange reason I consider it a little triumph. 

'No addict would ever admit they have a problem...'

'Yeah, right' - Cal blinks at me with his arms crossing in front of his chest, but he is smiling. 

'I've seen ya boy, you been using those damn chemicals for every scratch, way too many times since I'm tagging along.'- I say, feeling proud still to be able to push him out of his usual calmness. 

'So you' ve been watching me a lot then, I assume... '  
Oh, wow, that comment just slapped me in the face, and the smirk he is sporting now doubles the effect like a backhanded extra smack. I need to react to that since I'm not a blushing sweet little flower this boy usually reduces me into. Syle freaking Metri knows how the flirt is done, so watch out, Cal Kestis.  
„Yeah, I am. Even when you're not watching yourself...”- I want to say and I almost can see the way it would shut him up and paint his freckled cheeks crimson, but we are interrupted by a woman whose face is actually familiar to me. Tani Fadd walks up to us. 

’Syle, here you are!' - the tall woman yanks me into an aggressive hug so my unstable feet are forced on the ground. I lean my weight on her but she can hold it – which you could have guessed from her strong frame- until I find my balance. Cal from behind her is still smirking at me, his gaze softens though. Tani lets go of me and takes over all control. She thanks me for bringing the map here and briefly assures me of her assistance if I ever need help with anything before she reaches the main point. 

'Now all I need you to do is to meet senator Organa on Naboo and bring him the map. As leader of the rebellion he will make an even greater use of it than we can.' 

'Not to sound rude, or anything, but... You know that we are chased by the Empire, right?' - I recall the reason why I can't use my right foot properly. 

'Not anymore' - Cal steps out of Tani's shadow to talk. - 'Cere found a tracking device secured to the underside of the Mantis. It's destroyed.' 

'Good work, young jedi. So you are able to complete the task, am I right?' 

'I don't see any problem with it.' - Cal agrees with a simple nod. Great. So much for a little rest... 

'We are grateful for both of your efforts. Please join us tonight for the celebratory dinner.' 

'What are we celebrating?' - I ask boldly. She tells me about a wookie victory and a new rebel base on Kashyyyk. Though it doesn't make any sense because I haven't seen so many wookies around here, but I guess these folks just like to find a reason to be happy. It's not a bad thing.  
Such as these scents of the food being cooked, filling my nostrils and my head with images of a great dinner, are not bad either. Soon I find myself queing for a plate, wincing every now and again when I put too much weight on my injured leg. Screw that blaster. But at least that idiot won’t find us anymore.  
I spot Cal while I'm standing there, he is sitting down alone at the entrance of a nearby cave. Alright, I never took him for a party's heart and soul but broody loner is not something I'd call him either, so I find it strange. Anyway, it's my turn at the food serving so I decide to take one extra plate for my friend.  
He is alarmed by my presence when I hop down beside him so he must have been deep in his head., not sensing a limping form juggling with two plates moving towards him in badly hidden agony. On second thought, I would have scared the shit out of myself too.  
I let out a throaty and dramatic groan as I sit, more so in relief because I can finally stop putting pressure on my wound. 

'You had it bad.' - Cal notes with sympathy in his eyes and he trails off, looking at the crowd in the distance. 

'Uh, nothing unbearable.' 

'You're just saying that to avoid getting a stim?' - a grin forms on my face at that question. 

'Yeah' - I chuckle. 

'Still think I'm an addict?' - he looks at me sideways, his hair falling in front of his face. I kinda want to tuck back his red locks, or just to reach for his face with the back of my hand, to be able to touch the soft skin covering that bone structure. Woah, where did this come from? That sentiment goes beyond hormonal desires. It dangerously nears affection. I haven't really felt this kind of a spark inside since very long. My heart does a flip at the thought and I'm not completely sure I'm okay with myself going that way. It was enough for me to get burnt that one time, thanks very much.  
To put myself back on track I answer his question cockily. 

'Yeah I do. But if that is what keeps ya pumped, I'm game.' 

'So you want one?' - he laughs softly. 

'Nope, no, thanks.' 

'Why are you so against it?' - his question surprises me so much I can't come up with a convenient lie. 

'Huh, well... Alright. I knew a guy, another guardian. He got an infection one day so he had to skip practice a lot. He was getting better after some weeks but not completely, so his master brought him a stimulant. He died the next day. It was... a meaningless and stupid way to die. Something I'd like to avoid if possible.' 

'I see. So it's a fear. You have a fear of meaningless death.' 

'If ya say so...' - I shrug uncomfortably. Nobody usually gets under my skin like that. 

'I know, it's not easy. Being a jedi is a constant battle, just as Cere told me when I joined them.' - Cal speaks and his words burn their way through my mind like running wax. Even more so when he continues. - 'I used to fear that I'd fail and hurt my friends, or let them be hurt... It never really stops but you have to fight it... ' Both of our plates are getting cold but his last sentence switches on a lamp in me. 

'Hey, you're not blaming yourself or anything for this shit, right?'  
When he doesn't reply and avoids my eyes, finally giving me a shrug. I can't stop myself. I grab onto his arm lightly to get his full attention. - 'Cal. You saved MY LIFE.'  
He lets out a heavy breath he has kept caged in his chest. He hesitates before he replies and I lick my lip in anticipation. 

'I didn't check it.' - he begins, not looking me in the eye, ashamed- 'I saw the round-shaped thing attached to the Mantis and I didn't even... give it a second thought. We could all be dead now.'  
Wow. So that's the way heroes sway. It is guilt that is getting to him like that. Well, I couldn't let this happen. Cal wasn't at fault for anything and after what he's done for me it felt as the least I could do is to shake him out of it. 

'But we actually aren't. Cal, stop it!'- before I know it, I'm grabbing his sorry face between my palms and our noses are one inch away from eachother. His sparkly emerald eyes cut deep into my being as he stares back, looking lost. - 'You mean so much to these people. And we have a purpose. We are going to help the rebels win this fight. Look ahead and not backwards, alright?' - Right now I mean 'we' as "a team" and not as a couple, no matter how his closeness is affecting my heart rate. I hope he knows that. I mean… not the heart rate. Uh. Whatever.  
So I’m trying to sound very supportive as a friend, then my gaze involuntarily drops to his shiny lips and I suddenly decide to stop touching the boy's face to stay on the safe side, and I scoot a little further from him too.  
Cal seems to slowly let up from his panicked frozen look, and he raises his chin to look around, to fall back into reality. I watch him take in the sight of the people around us peacefully, seeing how they eat, drink and enjoy their little win. A small smile twitches up on one side of his face, at last. 

'Yeah, I guess you're right.' - he whispers calmly. A small relief untangles itself from around my heart. Thank goodness. 

'Sure thing.' - I reply, sinking back into my casual comfort - 'And now, eat!' - I shove one of the plates in his hand. -'It's cold but still smells fuckin' awesome.' He chuckles and rolls his eyes at my comment. We eat in silence and peace for a while, no need to fill the moment with empty talking. But since we are using only our hands soon I have to laugh at how chaotic this dinner gets. Cal has sauce running down his chin and he wipes it with the back of his hand, which makes his face even messier, so he growls in annoyance. 

'Not fair to laugh. You look quite the same!' - He tries to defend his pride. 

'No way. Ya know, I' m actually putting the food in my mouth. Not next to it. That's the secret.' 

'Okay, smart-ass. Whatever. ' - a grin appears on his saucy face as he overacts a casual shrug - mocking my way of talking, and I almost spit my following bite out.  
We laugh some more before Cere comes to collect us. The captain filled the food tanks to the hilt so now he's ready and restless to get out of there.  
The map is in our hands again with a new mission to complete, but you know what? I’m looking forward to it. I even let BD-1 give me a stim before I sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little rest on the Mantis and the meeting with senator Organa, that obviously doesn't go as planned.
> 
> For Syle this is going to be one of the worst surprises of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyoo.
> 
> I'm here with what I promised, sorry for the delay.  
> I hope I'm getting every info right about the universe, still You guys can talk to me if something seems off.  
> So, this was the buildup for the romance, and now Ladies and Gentleman... I can announce that Chapter 7 is going to be something... more :D 
> 
> Until then bear with me and enjoy this chapter with a little more flirting, bonding and fighting. 
> 
> Happy Reading!
> 
> UPDATE: I spotted a mistake in the storyline and corrected it - the lightsaber-touch-vision thing. I forgot it happened already once. Oops. Sorry and, no need to re-read it, it's only half-a-sentence really.

By next morning my leg feels a lot better. Well, not nearly good, but it will do, even more now that we are planning to have a rest-day since it takes a long time to get to Naboo to meet senator Organa.  
I feel strangely energetic and fresh after my early breakfast, and nobody is yet awake yet, so I sit myself at the holo-table to check it’s panels for anything fun. I would play the guitar but that’d definitely rouse the others so I am looking for a silent entertainment. As I suspect, some games are programmed into the holo-panel, games like Battleship, Dots or Hive. And of course, holo-chess.

’There should be a one-player-mode, right?’– I mumble to myself, but can’t find the right button to push. That’s when I hear BD-1 climbing up the table in front of me.

’Umm, hey, Droid’  
It boops a greeting and then without warning just presses start.

’You’re surely not wasting your time, little one.’ – I shrug. Actually, why not? I have to admit, this little thing has made my suffering shorter with the drugs it provided me. I give the droid a chance, because this feels a good day to try new things.  
After, like 20 minutes I am in a whole different mood.

’I can't believe you beat me in 3 steps. Unfair!’– I’m almost out of my mind. This little shit doesn’t even let me tell to myself that I stand a chance. 

’Be-beep, boop.’ –the droid states it was a fair, and very simple game. Wanker.

’Show-off!’ – I bark out, half-regretting starting the whole thing because it only drove me mad.  
Then, I hear a chuckle from the direction of the sleeping chambers. Cal Kestis has just woken up and he already sides with the devil. I’m officially offended.

’Oh, so you're laughing at me too. I expected some empathy.’ – Anyway, how long has he been standing there?!

’You knew what you signed up for. The little guy is a droid. A machine against your brain.’

’Do you mean to say something with that? Because I’m just a little tired is all’ –I joke half-heartedly. He steps closer with a smirk.

’How about brain against brain?’- the jedi suggests.

’Hm. Sounds sexy. You're on.’  
Cal slightly blushes and sits down on the couch, taking BD’s place as the droid rolls over.  
After a good 25 minutes of back and forth game I suddenly poke Cal in the ribs from under the table and while he is distracted, I may or may not move a figure.

’Hey! That's cheating!’ – the young jedi scolds me with a playful glare. BD squeaks in agreement.

’The game will never end otherwise.’– I defend myself.

’I'm okay with that. It's refreshing to finally have a little... fun’– he shrugs and perhaps involuntarily shifts a little closer to me. 

’Is it now? Well, I'm always ready to have a little fun, Cal… Just say the word’- I wink at him, using a deliberately naughty voice just to mess with his head. And, it does get to him because before I finish the sentence he is looking down and away from my face, biting his lip along with a smirk.

’Boop-Beep beep?’- BD-1 asks something I do not understand and Cal chuckles in disbelief, getting more flustered than I ever saw him so I’m dying to know what the droid just beeped.

’Why are you so very observant, Buddy?’– he groans uncomfortably, rubbing the side of his face over his long scar that I find quite badass since the beginning.

’I actually did not get the meaning, so… you can relax, mate.’– I decide to let this one go in order to make him feel better.

’Ah, really?’– Cal draws his brows together. –’You didn’t?’

’I said I was bad at languages.’ – I point it out, leaning on my elbow closer to him, testing the limits of a still comfortable yet already exciting distance between the two of us. He smiles at me before he turns his head and makes a move on the chess board. 

’Well, you’re good at strategy… but I still win.’

’Whaaat?’– I blink at the holo-board. Come on, after 25 minutes and cheating I still lose? Guh. –’So, what is do you want as a prize?’ – I lick my lip in anticipation while the freckled boy is thinking.

’Umm, breakfast?’ –the guy is shy, but very charming.

’Sure. Fair enough’– I nod with a soft smile.  
When I get down to business in the kitchen I am approached by Greez. First he seems to have only one question about my cooking, but then he asks another one and soon he is there at my side, watching my every move like a good student. It’s so uncharacteristic and odd to see the grumpy bloke excited about something.   
After I place a big plate of breakfast in front of Cal’s concentrating face who is still trying to beat BD-1 at chess, I decide to take a shower, but it is easier said than done with an almost fresh bullet wound. At one point I even want to cry, when all the soap on my body heads for the exact same spot over my right ankle. Freaking bounty hunters. I really hope the guy who was after us has been swallowed by a black hole or something worse.  
But, other than the uncomfortable wound-situation it feels nice to have time for a relaxing shower. I feel every muscle in my body ease up at the contact with warm water and I let it massage my neck. It brings a strange dizzy sensation to my head as I lean against the steamy wall. While relaxing I don’t mean to begin any nasty side-activities in the cabin. It doesn’t even cross my mind to pleasure myself, at all... Uh, alright, I kinda think about it every other second.   
Surely it would help a lot if I wasn’t horny all the time around the blasted handsome jedi outside. And well, the temptation is REAL, as in, just one slight thought of those sweet freckles makes my blood boil and rush south. But fate does it’s job and prevents me from sliding my left hand down, and do something that’s not a very aproppriate activity for a jedi. I hear a loud knock on the door.

’I’ll be there in a minute’– I announce and lean my back against the cold wall of the shower to clear my head.  
As it turns out a little later, it’s Cere who needs me for a talk. She shows me the map that has been upgraded on Dantooine. Now it has all the rebel hideouts and is completely up-to-date. I feel proud, like Hiren would be if she could see this. Cere shows me Naboo where I can see senator Organa’s name on the holo-screen.

’We meet him in a more secluded part of the planet.’– she informs me.– ’I’m glad that you joined us, Syle. We are making a difference here, with you.’– This is the first time Cere shows friendly appreciation to me and I feel honoured. I respected her before because she is Cal’s master. But now it is transforming into something more personal.

’Glad that you guys are having me’– I reply.

’Do you know any other jedi by any means who could have survived the purge?’– she asks suddenly and I feel like there is background knowledge behind her words.

’What do you mean? I was the only jedi on Vrogas Vas.’

’Well. Tani Fadd and I had a conversation on the possibilities we have. You know, or you may not yet, but my purpose is to restore the jedi order. We will need every help we can get for that. Including every hiding Force-users.’  
I nod, but still don’t know how I can add to that plan besides being here myself.

’Tani told me you did business with her before, and once you two travelled to a planet where you planned to visit an old friend who happened to be a jedi. Who is he?’  
Cere’s question hits me hard, and my chest suddenly feels tight. I know what she refers to, two years ago we had a trade partner on Valgauth and I couldn’t resist looking for Yastel. That was his home planet where his family lived. Although I suspected he was dead, I couldn’t walk away without trying to find him. Well, I didn’t. His family was nowhere to be found and no-one has heard about him since he was taken to Coruscant.   
I take a deep breath before telling the story when I realize that Cal is also within earshot, leaning against the wall behind my back, listening. Okay, this is not helping.

’Eh. I had a friend. A… close friend who told me about his family. They were living on Valgauth, so I checked on them when I had business there. Unfortunately he wasn’t there. He was most likely dead by then. So I can’t help ya, Cere. Sorry.’

’That’s a shame. I am sorry too’– Cere says and I let out a heavy exhale in relief when she drops the topic.  
Cal suddenly interrupts us and calls my name. 

’Syle? Do you have a minute?’ –It sounds… actually awesome from his lips so I smirk at him and nod. He leads me to his room and I can’t help but feel a little excited, though I didn’t give him a reason to jump me (if we don’t count my still wet hair) so I’m not counting on a surprise-makeout-session.  
It actually is on his desk, the reason why he called me here. My lightsaber is lying there, next to his repair tools all over the surface. I instantly realize that I lost it and memories flood my brain of the fight behind the jedi temple, and I honestly can’t wrap my head around the fact that I didn’t even miss it until now.

’Before I would do anything with the grip I wanted to ask you about it. I can fix it, if you want me to’ – the jedi announces, turning the weapon to the side where I see the problem. Part of the grip broke off of it, probably happened when I dropped the thing. I always wanted to keep my weapon exactly like how I received from Mori, but the idea of Cal fixing it for me just… warms my heart. So, why not?

’Oh, okay. Sure. Give it a go, repair-boy.’

’Alright’– he immediately reaches for it and he carefully slips right beside me to have room on the desk. While he is toying with the tools there, I watch him work and find it fascinating how his long deft fingers precisely put things together and separate other things to place it back differently.

’I think I saw your friend. The one you were talking about with Cere’ – Cal says in an uncertain tone. I don’t even understand first so he clarifies. –’When I got in contact with your lightsaber I saw its past again but now… it was not just one memory.’  
Woah there!

'You saw MY whole past?' - I can't keep the tremble out of my voice. Holy... I wonder what the actual heck he saw. This could go very wrong very soon... 

'Sorry, I didn't mean to see. It just... happens sometimes, you know.' Huhh. Breathe, Syle. He still is talking to ya, right? He couldn't have seen anything outrageous. For sure.

’What did you see this time?’– I tentatively ask.

’Just… flashes. You, getting the lightsaber from a jedi master. She comforted you because of the test.’  
Oh, yeah. Mori. I remember when she gave me the lightsaber. It belonged to a guardian who died as a hero, saving someone. She knew I would appreciate this information.

’…and saw your hand too. Without the glove.’

'This one here?' - I lift the right right one, the fake one. Is this new to him? 

'Yeah.' - Cal nods- 'I never thought... I used to wear one glove too, because I did a lot of repairing. I thought you had it for similar reasons.'- he explains and I decide to show him what is under. I pull off the fabric slowly to reveal the metallic gleam of my prosthetic hand. Cal looks at it like I had a cool toy he never could get. 'Wow... Uhh, and it's actually the right one...?' - he realizes. I smirk.

'I'm a lefty. Always been.'

'Hah, that's at least good then, I guess... So, what happened?’

’A bograt happened. The bastard wanted me for dinner but only got a taste.' - we both laugh at that, me first, than him when he sees that I’m not at all bothered by the memories.

'So you know all my secrets then?' - I try to sound confident, but I’m still not, considering he mentioned my ’friend’ who should be Yastel. I’m not sure why I’m worried though. Cal definitely knows that I’m into him. He must know it, because I’m not doing the flirty stuff subtly. So he shouldn’t judge me for having a past with another male jedi. Right?

'Hmm. Not all, I suppose...' - he shrugs casually and his hands make the last moves on my weapon. Then, he looks up at me curiously. – ’From what I saw though, I can’t believe we never met. In the flashes you appeared near the dorms where I slept. When you sneaked out at night with that blonde-haired boy.’  
Oh, that one. 

’Yastel…’ – I tell Cal the name without a second thought. –’He is the friend I told Cere about, yes… We sometimes did sneak out to practice. Usually they wouldn’t let us train together because we had different sort of tasks. He was a padawan and I a guardian. But still he was my best friend.’ – I can’t bring myself to blurt out that it was more. But it doesn’t really matter anyway.

’When the purge happened, did you two escape together?’

’Not really. We were on a mission on Vrogas when it happened. The clones attacked and he… long story short, he turned violent and killed everyone. I chose to help Hiren and people at the Inn because an explosion damaged the building. Yastel left without me.’  
My words turn serious without me wanting to sound like it. This is one of my worst experiences ever. Guess I’ll never really be over it, shit. Cal is just standing there, leaning against the edge of the desk and he is chewing at the inside of his mouth. Then he sighs.

’It’s tough. No matter where or how it happens, it’s bad.’

’Sure.’ – I say –’But here we are now. We didn’t meet at the academy, but look at us now. You are fixin’ up my lightsaber and all. We are buddies.’

’Yeah!’– Cal chuckles, easing up. –’We definitely are. Here’ – he lifts my old weapon with a brand new grip. Looks all kinds of awesome. When I reach for it, Cal touches my prosthetic fingertips and I wonder if he can see more of my past, but he doesn’t say anything. I don’t feel the contact like a light touch to real skin, only the pressure of his hand is something I can sense. It still feels nice.

’Thank you.’

We eat together with the whole team, then I try to meditate in my room and before bedtime BD serves me another shot of stims. My leg looks much better but I’ll be still slightly limping for days.   
In the early hours we finally reach Naboo. It’s like a pain in the ass to roll out of bed so early, but it was to be expected and our meeting is going to take place as soon as we land, so this should be quick. Then we can go back to our beauty sleeps. Not all of us needs it, of course.   
Hah, the jedi.  
He seems so flawless and fresh like none of us ever. He still yawns and stretches to keep himself awake though. I walk past him when he is doing the arm-stretching and I audibly excuse myself when he is blocking the way into the cockpit – though I don’t really need to get there. 

’Uh, sorry’ – he steps back and I flash him a grin.  
Naboo is a very green planet, and a quite crowded one also. While landing we fly past inhibited areas and huge cities. No matter how beautiful these buildings look, I would never be able to live here.

’Why not, Kid?’ – Greez asks when I turn my thoughts into words.

’I just… don’t like people that much.’

’My kind of a guy’– Greez nods.  
Our ship’s destination is behind a forest, close to a lake. Senator Organa has an estate nearby, so I hear from the talks around me. I wonder if the senator will give us a new challenge, or our questline just ends here, only within minutes. A little uncertainity starts to glow in the back of my head, popping up questions if we will stay together as a team, or I’ll be dropped off somewhere like that other person I’m having the cabin of. Though, Cere’s plan to collect all the jedi seems to lock us together, at least with Cal and her. I think I would miss the captain too if we parted, actually. Never thought it would happen.  
So, the entrance opens and fresh air rushes into the Mantis and our nostrils. We make sure we have the map, and leave, already spotting the little crowd of people who are waiting for us.  
The senator is easy to recognize, his robes are too fancy for a commoner, such is his posture. With him there are some guards and some other rebels, none of them is familiar to me.  
We all introduce ourselves and Cere looks to me for the pendant. I proudly lift it up and place it into the rebel leader’s palm. 

’Here it is, sir’ – I add.

’Thank you, Syle Metri in the name of the whole rebellion. Your help is indeed appreciated.’

’I hope you will make good use of it.’   
He replies and I even hear it but suddenly my instincts start to yell at me and I feel so nauscious I almost want to throw up. I look to Cal who’s face is also reflecting discomfort so I know there IS something really fucking weird in the Force.  
I look around for anything, one of my hands sliding over my lightsaber at my side. My eyes only see trees and the lake, and fences of a building in the distance, but behind it… I might be able to spot some strange figures moving towards us. It’s like a small… army.  
I want to warn Cal, but I already hear the blasters and instantly lose the stable ground under my feet and I’m falling. Fortunately I wasn’t shot, only Force-pushed by my fellow jedi to save us from the first wave of shots. Two of the rebel guards then try to take the senator and move him away towards cover, but the next shots prove fatal to both of the rebels, so the leader stays in the grass with us, which seems the safest place. Of course it is the Empire, but I have no idea how this is possible.  
Cal and I make eye contact, then also with Cere. We nod and stand all at once, drawing our weapons. In front of us there are four purge troopers and the rest of them is the general stormtrooper squad dressed in white. We deflect come of their shots and even take out a couple of them, but it’s not enough. There is a lot of them, and they find hiding spots around us. Behind trees, the fence of the estate and even the Mantis provides them safe zones from where they can fire at us. Cal and Cere heroically take down some others, working together as Cal defends Cere who has a blaster of her own. Cal uses the Force to drag them out of their hiding places also, and makes it look so easy to throw them into the lake nearby. I only have time to glance at them though because I’m under constant fire and am really making a good use of my deflecting skills. Oh, and I’m not bad actually. Master Mori would totally drop her shit if she saw me now. Though, as I mentioned, there are too many of them and I soon find myself face to face with a purge trooper who almost catches me off-guard.   
She swings her rod over my head and blocks my attack from her side, but fortunately she doesn’t count on my painful leg that suddenly gives out and as I fall to my knees I can end her from a weird angle. The body falls on me and I’m just lying in the grass again. I can see how rebels protecting the senator fall, and the man remains on his own, facing another purge trooper. He had a weapon of his own but by this time it’s lost somewhere, so he is in danger.  
This is all screwed anyway. No logically planned move is available since nothing could have indicated this possibility for us. How in hell would the Empire know about this mission?! We destroyed the tracker! And now everything I've been proud to have, every help I could provide the rebellion turns into a devastating weapon against them.   
Well, nope. It's time to blow or just go out like a freaking hero, not a loser. I narrow my eyes in fury and jump forward, come whatever may. I manage to cut through some of the troopers (literally) to reach the senator before he could lose the pendant (that is already between the soldier’s fingers) or his life. The purge trooper reacts quickly. He uses his rod-like weapon to direct his attack on me, so we fight. I pull my most advanced moves to parry and come back, striking from the side, and he luckily has not been specifically trained to fight a left-handed person so I am able to surprise him with a blow then take him down. I look over to find the senator, and I see he has already been helped into safety behind the fence and is attacking the troopers from a distance. Cal and Cere are busy getting the enemy off our backs a little further away, between the tall trees of the forest. Then my gaze falls on four enemies who take an interest in me: a remaining purge trooper and 3 simple white ones are running in my direction. Ohhh, this doesn't seem good. Oh shit. I forcefully tear the pendant from the dead guy’s grip in front of me and start to flee, not caring about my aching limb. It would be cool to get them in a trap, I think to myself. Unfortunately it is me who walks into one. It's a dead end behind the estate, there is completely nowhere to go if I don’t plan to climb an impossibly tall fence with a flat surface. So I prepare to fight, and regret not being able to Force-push them like Cal can, no matter how hard I try. Okay. Four against one. I could do that. Right?   
I'm kind of ready but still thinking of swallowing the map so that I make them work for it more after they finished me off. Let’s be honest. I'm going to die. This is quite sure. That's it. But not so bad, huh? Doing it in battle. How it's meant to be. They are standing there, holding up their weapons. Alright.   
Come at me bitches!   
My heart is pounding and I leap forward with my lifted lightsaber, ready to take whatever fate has in store for me, when the 4 dudes unexpectedly fly off over my head against the fence with a hard crash. My eyes snap back and I can't possibly believe that I'm seeing Cal rushing to my rescue again. My panting lips twitch up slightly in appreciation. 

'Uh, hi' - I sigh with a dry throat and he raises his brow before he gives me a warm friendly smile. 

'You really need to learn that move.' 

'Whatever ya want me to do mate' - I'm almost at the point of wanting to hug him and cry, I'm still so worn-out and shaky from the adrenaline. We look over to the bad guys. They are as knocked out as they can be. 

'Do you have the map?' - Cal asks in a hurry. I don't find it in myself to speak so I just lift the pendant up to his face and he takes it from my hand. - 'Come on, Cere needs our help' - he says as we set off rushing back. At the end of the fenceline I slow down though because my leg is throbbing with pain.

'Hey, can I have a stim?' 

'Sure. BD?' - Cal looks behind his shoulder at the droid who rolls down him with a boop to provide me a shot. - 'Who's the addict now?' - the jedi jokes before I could stab myself with it, and I smirk at him in the most dazed way, only to notice an odd thing above Cal’s left shoulder. I suddenly freeze. Everything seems to happen in slow motion from this point.  
Behind my friend's back a black form is getting closer to us and the guy holds a very familiar weapon in his dark gloved hands. I yank my lightsaber out while I quickly warn Cal, stuttering his name ten times before he gets it and turns. This is the exact bounty hunter who's been after us all along. No shit. This can't be happening.  
The sad truth is, I have taken notice of him too late. His weapon swings and all I can do is shout a ’no’ when I see Cal fall to the ground, his lightsaber and the rebel map’s key falling out of his grip. I feel like my legs were made of heavy stones, I can’t move. I lose my hold on my own lightsaber as well and it hits the ground next to Cal.

’Huh. Two birds with one stone…’– the guy growls in satisfaction and takes the pandant in his hand. I finally start to feel SOMETHING deep inside me, and it is boiling through my veins. I think it’s about to explode. He angles his purple blade at Cal’s head who is writhing on the ground in agony. I want to kill this man.  
No rational thought crosses my mind only my hand swings forward, and with a yell breaking from me I know it is happening, I sense my every nerve is on fire. The bounty hunter is swept off his feet and is tossed away, landing on his back with a hard thud on the rocky part of the area, almost by the lake. I take a calming breath or two, but can’t wait any longer to kneel down beside my injured friend. 

’Cal!’– as I get closer I see his blood seeping out and tainting his clothes. Fortunately it seems like the blade only touched his side, did not cut directly into his stomach. Thank goodness. He still is clutching his hand on it and is breathing hard from the intense pain though, eyes shut tight. I ask BD for a stim, than another to ease his discomfort, but nothing seems to happen, until his motions slow down and his eyelids fall lazily to halfway like he is sedated. He probably is, too.

’What did you just give him?’

’Bo-beep, bup’– BD answers, his talk contains the words ’sleep’ and ’medication’. So he did put Cal to sleep. Maybe it is better this way.   
I gain my clear mind back and I examine the ground, looking everywhere for the rebel map, but it’s gone. My head turns to seek the bounty hunter, however, his crushed form is not lying on the rocks anymore either. This could only mean one fucking thing and I’m absolutely not going to allow it. Fortunately Cere arrives just in time.

’What happened?’– she asks with concern in her voice, looking at her unconscious young padawan. She also has some new wounds but nothing serious.

’The bounty hunter is here… I don’t know how. Cal’s side is bleeding. BD put him to sleep.’

’Okay. I’ll take him to the Mantis’– Cere assures me. 

’Alright. I’m going to get the map back’– I decide and leave them, taking my lightsaber with me to check the other side of the estate for the guy. I must have broken some bones in him, he should be still close. I turn at the corner with a violent move, but nothing is there apart from some corpses, both rebels and stormtroopers. I actually write down a circle around the area and see the same things everywhere. At least some of the rebels and the senator is feeling okay, and are resting after the fight. But the person I am looking for is nowhere to be found. FUCKING SHIT. I can’t lose the map. I can’t. Not like this. Not now.  
My anger is starting to get to me again, I walk up and down to the lake and back with heavy steps but it doesn’t really help. I wish I could punch someone in the face, smashing their skull.

’UGHH! SCREW YOU!’ – I growl raspily into thin air, before I feel a strong grip around my wrist and I find myself yanked back behind a tree, my back pressing up against it’s trunk.  
And it definitely seems like the suprises today hasn’t ended for me yet. At first I think I am seeing things, I might have passed out and am hallucinating, or I’m falling into this weird Force-vision again… I know it is impossible, but I see him in front of me, leaning into my face, panting, his skin bruised and bloody.

’Yastel…?’ – I stutter, not sure I am even still alive. He seems so real, almost like the sharp pain in my calf. The edge of his jawline, and those impossibly grey eyes. I almost forgot about these details.

’I know, right? This is fucked up.’– he tells me and I smile at him because he surely is just a flash, a pleasant flash from my past. BD might have just drugged me too.

’You are dead…’ – I whisper and he rolls his eyes.

’I thought the same about you. I didn’t even recognize you, boy, until I saw you at the temple on Dantooine.’  
Yeah, surely I am dreaming. Things are getting mixed up in my head. Dantooine is a recent memory while Yastel is a past one. I wonder why he looks older, though. And bloodier.

’I’m very sorry about your leg. But I knew you’d put up a fight’ – he says and my gut twists upon hearing it. So is this that kind of a nightmare where he turns out to be the assassin hired by the Empire to kill us? Haha, very fucking funny.

’I wanted to take you with me’– he goes on –’Like now. I want to take you… and this.’  
As he lifts the pendant up in front of my face, and now I’m starting to break out in cold sweat. This whole scene seems very real. My eyes spin around and nothing looks dream-like. Nor the dead people lying around… neither the clouds, or the forest… and the pain and discomfort I’m feeling definitely seem to be… true.  
As Yastel Krinn in front of me does too. Slowly the last piece of the puzzle falls into place and everything changes within a single second in my head.  
I watch as his black, gloved fingers twirl the key before my eyes and I can’t stop myself from barking out:

’You… YOU?!’  
My back parts from the tree trunk as I swing at him angrily, but he pushes me back at my chest, his lower arm pressing onto my throat.

’Easy, boy. You know I am stronger than you are.’  
The same tone. The same blasted arrogance… Guh, crap! I was SO STUPID. I should have known it was him! So, the bounty hunter who has been screwing with us ACTUALLY was that idiot I’ve been sleeping with back in my young years. OHHH FREAKING SHIT!!!

’I’m going to fucking kill you!’– I reach for my lightsaber in fury but before I could take it it’s already in his hand. Yes. he is better than me, always has been. That wanker… he almost killed Cal. 

’Calm down, or I’ll have to knock you out and I’ll carry you. Like good old times, huh?’ – he smiles and I snarl at him like a ferocious dog ready to bite. I’ll kick his ass once his grip weakens!   
Though I really want to get my revenge, destiny steps in my way again. From a close distance I faintly hear Cere’s voice warning the „attacker” before I also hear the shot of a blaster. It doesn’t wound him badly but enough so that he knows it is his time to flee for his life. I feel it as the tight grip on my throat ceases to exist and the guy winks at me for one last time before he dives in the lake and disappears from our sight.

’Are you alright, Syle?’ – Cere approaches me but I still can’t tell for sure if I’m in a dream or not, my legs are shaky and my head dizzy.   
One thing is for sure, though. I’m definitely not alright. The rebel map is gone.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotional and a little physical get-together. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Everyone! 
> 
> If you are triggered by slightly smutty scenes or heavy romance, oh... right. You would not be here, then.  
> SOOOOO we arrived, People! This chapter was the first that I created in my mind and took notes of it before the whole thing was born in my head. From now on you can expect content that requires the rating I gave this story.
> 
> To be fair, I'm telling you beforehand: since this is a slow burn, no sex is going to happen in this chapter (yet!), but this is no innocent shit anymore either. 
> 
> Hope you are going to enjoy it :)
> 
> One more thing: I didn't really describe Syle's appearance to you, deliberately. I wanted you to see him as you'd like to more or less. Would you let me know how you imagine him? I'll tell you how I do in the next chapter notes. 
> 
> Happy reading, Darlings <3

The next days I spend in my cabin, deep in my sorrow. I don't really move out and if I do, I don't want to talk. Especially not about the fight on Naboo.  
Cal is mostly lying in his room as well, healing. To be honest, I do visit him simetimes at night, just to see he is okay. I just stand at the door and watch his peaceful form on the bed, his ears plugged with earphones as he hugs his pillow to his stomach. The sight makes my chest flood with warmth and my lips twitch up even in my darkest moments.  
The third day Cere comes to my chamber to talk after I miss dinner. We have visited Dantooine by then to talk to the rebels and are heading to Bogano for a rest. She knocks and I quit building a fortress of random repair tools (to pass time) I found in a cabinet. Cere waits until I'm ready to make eye contact, she crosses her arms before her chest. Then, I give her my attention. 

’You know it wasn't your fault, right?’  
Her words surprise me. I feel a strange deja vu as well. The way she talks and carries herself often reminds me of my former master. Who just reminds me of... Uh, shit. 

’Thanks... I... it was a screwed up situation.’ 

’A member of the rebel group betrayed us. She sold us out to the Empire. Later she confessed to Tani.’  
I nod, with pursed lips. That simple. A traitor. Right. 

’But that's not the reason why you're upset and hiding, right?’  
She is clever, I always knew that. I wish she was an actual mindreader not to have to tell the story out loud. My stomach flips as I begin. 

’The guy who approached me... at the lake. Do you remember our talk about another jedi? The one I wanted to find with Tani. It's him.’

’The bounty hunter. A jedi...?’ 

’Yes.’

’Working for the Empire?’

’Looks like it.’

’Huh.’ - Cere frowns – ’He was your friend, right?’  
At her question I feel a heavy pull in my torso, it’s like a sack that is about to burst. Keeping a secret would be just too much for my nerves right now.

’He was... truthfully more than a friend to me once.’– The confession takes away some of the tension, whatever the outcome may be.– ’Yes, I know. Against the rules. Chide me.’

’Why, because jedi are not supposed to fall in love? Bullshit, it happens.’ – she claims.  
My eyes open wider at her shocking words. A small smile follows. 

’Well, thanks... I didn't expect you to take it like... Unless you... You had some during your training years! Huh! You totally did!’  
From her lazy but telltale smirky expression I know her answer. 

’Nobody's perfect.’ – she finally shrugs the most casually I’ve ever seen her act. I chuckle.

’Well, almost true’ -Thinking about the jedi next room I turn my head towards the wall separating us from Cal without actually meaning to. 

’He isn't perfect either. But, a very good student, and a very great person. And, he cares about you. But you surely noticed that. So if for nothing else, you still have a reason to get yourself out of the cabin once in a while.’– she tries to catch my attention and well, she succeeds.

’Wait... care like... Care?’ 

’I'm not here to discuss attraction with you. I just want you to find something now that gets you back on your feet. You can dwell on your past mistakes and get swallowed by it, but it's not gonna take you anywhere. Trust me, I've been there. Or you can make the next day count. For yourself and those who care about you. One way, or...’ - she deliberately averts her gaze towards the wall- ’...another.’  
That does it for me. No, I'm not completely okay and still feel the need to drink myself into oblivion as soon as I get my hands on Greez's secret booze stash, but at least I have some motivation to check on Cal while he is still awake today.  
He grunts in pain, clutching at his side when I enter. The guy is up and on his feet, his eyes going wide as he notices my presence. 

’Hi… Umghh’ - he bites back a miserable groan and his face twitches as pain strikes again when taking a step forward. 

’Hey, woah-woah jedi boy, no need to show off. Just go back to your bed and rest.’– I instantly act bossy because by now I know exactly how stubborn he can be.

’I uh, I just need water.’

’I'll bring you some. Lie down.’ - I run out and take a whole bottle for him. 

’Thanks’ - He already is on his back, listening to me, leaning up on his elbows to take a sip. A drop runs down his chin, all the way down his neck to the hem of the grey nightshirt he is wearing. My eyes linger on the dark spot before I lift my gaze back up at his face. He is starting to grow a very slight stubble and looks different. A bit more ragged. I bit less put together. His hair is tousled and red locks are sticking randomly in every direction. And you know, what? I want to laugh at how ridiculously beautiful he is like that as well. 

’Is it still that bad?’ - Is what I ask when I see him struggle to lie back down. 

’Only if I move. No big deal.’

’Yeah. A hole in your side is just sunday morning fun.’  
Cal almost laughs out loud but it hurts like hell. 

’Don't make me laugh!’

’Very sorry, I guess.’ - I smirk. – ’Where are the droid's stims now?’

’I used some. It needs time as well. Like your foot. How is it?’ - he asks back. I almost forgot about that so guess it's alright. 

’I'm feeling great.’- I shrug and it does feel like a lie. My foot is healing but I'm tired, weak and my heart is worn-out from the constant aching for days. But at least it's getting better. I'll tell him once he doesn't wince every single time he only moves a little. Guh, it must hurt very much. 

’Don't need to worry 'bout me. I've had worse’ - he says it like he could read my mind. 

’Who said I'm worried?’ - I play it cool, leaning against the door. 

’I can feel it. You know, the Force... But don't, okay?’ – the way he looks at me is so mesmerising, yet so vulnerable.

’So you were saying... you had worse?’ - I try to skip the topic before he Force-reads more of my pains. 

’Yeah. A lightsaber cut into my other side not so long ago.’

’Whose?’ 

’Mine. But someone else used it.’ –he is beating around the bush so uncharacteristically.

’Alright, who then?’ - I roll my eyes at that dramatic delay. 

’You would not believe’ - he makes a childish excited face and his smirk looks still the same as always. Thank goodness, I would miss it if it changed. 

’Come on, try me... Cal? What the hell?’ - I ask when I see his full teeth grin. I sense a story there. 

’Okay, okay, well. I fought an inquisitor...’

’An inquisitor? No shit! And he defeated you?’

’She.’ -he clarifies –’And, no I actually was quite good at that fight. It was Darth Vader who stabbed me.’  
I catch the ball as soon as possible and fire a jest back at him. 

’Riiight, and he sang a song in wookie afterward? Joke's on me, right?’

’Ah, I knew you wouldn't believe it.’– His expression flattens and he almost seems disappointed. What? He acts actually like he was serious. 

’What? Vader?! Come on, you can't think I'm falling for... Cal, no way.’- Yeah, he totally is screwing with me. Look at that grin! –’Alright, tell me now, I'm too tired to figure out your tricks’- I stick my tongue out impatiently at him. 

’I just told you.’– He lifts his shoulders casually like a shrug, only he is lying on his back now. If the guy is shitting me he has some serious talent in acting because I'm falling for it. But, if this is true I’m eating my hat. Well, if I had one I’d eat it. If Cal is telling me he fought the darkest dude ever and survived I may develop an inaproppriate boner. 

’Alright, you warrior. It really was Vader?’

’Yep’- he simply nods then lifts the material of his clothing to show his scar proudly on his lower stomach below some impressive abs that twitch under my stare. My knees feel weaker than they should at the sight, even though my gaze shifts to the bandage of his current wound and my horniness turns into wanting to comfort him instead instantly. 

’And... yet you live. Holy fuck, mate! You don't play in little! Consider me impressed.’ - he smiles up at me. 

’I wouldn't be here without the others, though. BD and Cere, and Merrin... and of course Greez.’

’Of course... I'm sure Greez would outdo Vader in a grumping contest any day!’  
A giggle shook his form and a painful whimper followed but he still grinned. 

’Shit, Syle, you are killing me here...!’– I joined in the laughter but the need to comfort him took over again. Before I knew I was crouching beside Cal next to the bed to be at his eye level. 

’Hey... I wish I could Force-heal.’

’I don't know anyone who can.’ - he bats his lashes drowsily. 

’Still, if you need anything... Just call me over. Yell, or knock on the wall. Anytime, okay?’ - I have to stop my hand from touching his pure freckled face. 

’Sure... Thanks.’ – Cal grins again, eyes lingering on me longer than necessary. I am holding out on the eye contact too. Cere's words come to my mind. Attraction, huh? But this little ball of innocence never said anything about it, so I silently promise myself not to reveal all of my cards either until that happens. I might have just told everything already with my freaking eyes, though. I sigh, and straighten, ready to leave. The atmosphere is heavy with emotions and it scares the hell out of me while giving me the strangest butterflies in my stomach at the same time, so I decide to lighten the mood. 

’Aaaaaalright. Give those drowsy stunning eyes a rest and sleep.’  
He glances up at me again with an incredulous brow-raise. I already think he is gonna stay silent but then he clears his throat. 

’Ehm... What if the um, "drowsy stunning eyes" would like to stay open a little longer?’ 

’Whatever. I still need to get my beauty sleep.’- I shrug, more like because he really needs some rest to heal, and I turn to go. 

’Not that you need it much.’ – I hear him say, sensing the smile behind that quirky voice.

I stop mid-step, mouth opening for a chuckle. I didn't expect a compliment like that now for sure. Huh, so much for sleeping tonight. My heartrate skyrockets like I was 13. I make a bad attempt at hiding my approval as I turn back. Cal is nervously smirking in anticipation. 

’Sweet dreams and heal by tomorrow, okay? I need a training partner.’

’I'm working on it’- he nods and shifts higher on his pillow.  
As I lie down on my own bed, I promise myself to start over tomorrow. We will have to get back the map so there is a lot to do. I set my alarm for 6 o clock for an early training, and switch off the lamps with a constant glow in my chest. I have someone who cares about me after all... 

New beginnings are not coming so easily, though. Sometimes you lie down with a content smile on your napless face and wake with a panicked shriek, Force-pushing everything off of your shelf accidentally as you jolt up from bed. Yeah, me. Except it wasn't actually my shelf to begin with.  
The nightsister will strangle me one day when she claims her cabin back.  
I take some calming breaths, shifting uncomfortably, noticing the sweat patches on my nightshirt. I take it off and toss it to the floor. As soon as I lie back, covering my face with an arm, I hear knocking. 

’Uh... Come in, I guess?’ - I breathe and sincerely hope it's not the said nightsister at the door. It appears to be Cere. I slowly let my arm fall and sit up, while she takes a look at the things fallen to the floor. 

’A nightmare?’ - she knowingly turns to look at me. 

’Something like that’- I nod with a morning rasp, not wanting to remember the overall feeling of it but the images creep back in my head, bringing the intense surge of panic, fear and nausea.  
It was everything that ever plagued my brain, my every demon striking at once.  
The shock of looking at my arm the first moments after I lost my hand... The smile on Yastel's young face when he entwined his fingers with mine in the cave on Dantooine... Switching suddenly into the insane smile he had after beheading a clone guard on our ship parked on Vrogas Vas. For a moment I see the bounty hunter helmet on his head before the whole picture breaks. A flash of Mori's dead eyes staring into nothing. Hiren. It comes to my mind that I've never seen her dead. Her last words to me ring in my ears.  
"Time to go now"… But did I? Did I ever let go of that place and life? Fire. The Inn on fire... It's like a barrier. Whatever I do, I cannot go back there. And at the end... Cal.  
And nothing upsetting about him, that's the strangest part. He is not dead, injured, bleeding, he doesn't say a thing. Just looks at me the way he always does. With interest. Curiosity. Anticipation. And I'm terrified because in the back of my head I know something is about to happen. It's here, the end of everything. I want to warn him but can't open my mouth. I would tell him to go away, because everyone who gets close to me gets hurt. That's it. His image fades and that was the point when I woke up.  
And now that I replayed it, the whole thing loses its intensity and a devastating sadness takes it's place. A sinking feeling in my gut. A tear threatens to escape my eye so I angrily rub at it, taking in a sharp breath. 

’Do you want to tell me about it?’ - Cere risks the question while I am sure she knows what my answer will be. 

’Can't’ - I whisper strictly, not letting my voice fucking betray me. The alarm goes off suddenly that I set last night. It's my call to escape and find a little peace of mind on my own. Cere lets me pass her by in a hurry and I'm heading off the Mantis to train.  
The sun is rising and the morning cold is fading, causing less discomfort every minute. I'm starting with physical training like pushups and jumping jacks. I spot a path within the grass that leads me off the hill and I take it, running. I used to run to keep in shape on Vrogas Vas. It always cleared my head and gave me time to get back to the core of every thought of mine. That’s what I expect from it now.  
I let the cool breeze lick at my skin, even if sometimes it feels uncomfortable to sense it creeping under my top layer of clothing. I try to shift my focus from inside of my mind to the outside. I process the sunrise, the small furry animals that stir with the first orange rays and the dangerous depth beside the hill on one side where the slope is steep.  
I kick into a small rock accidentally that rolls off the hillside and disappears into the abyss. It feels like a metaphor for my current state. Sliding. Falling.  
I slow my steps and walk back to the top, heartrate getting back to regular. I sigh at the sight of the Mantis. There is a twist in my stomach, a sharp stab of emotions that I can’t put a finger on right now.  
I draw my lightsaber then, and take a look at it. I am a jedi guardian. I should be able to ignor all distractions and focus on one thing only. My goal. Which is getting the map back.  
There is no other thing for me to do in this world. I had one fucking job and you know, what? I still do because my mission is not yet accomplished.  
My eyes settle on a pear-shaped stone on the edge of the hillside, and I position myself to just step up, turn to the right and STRIKE. The stone is already devided into two parts. I search for similar targets to practice some moves I can recall from my training years.  
When I get bored with the saber I try to make use of the small pieces of stones lying around. I set them together at the edge, and sit on the opposite side, facing them. What I plan is to Force-push them off the hillside.  
I should be able to do that. I could do it with Cal once. I could do it this morning too when I had the dream.  
Recalling unpleasant memories doesn’t help though. Generally, a plagued mind is the jedi’s enemy. But I choose to ignore it again, I just have to focus. Stones. Force. Push. My eyes are closed. The Force is with me, the Force is on my side. I reach my arm forward to help me feel it, as my skin tingles with it, as the literal push of my fingers evokes the act. Except, it doesn’t.  
Nothing happens and all I’m left with is the feeling of resentment. I hate that Cal does it so freaking easily while I can’t even bring a single pebble closer to the edge with the Force. On my side, huh? It’s fucking avoiding me! Fuck it. I would avoid myself too if I could.  
I make another miserable attempt at it, out of anger and disappointment and I can hear myself growl with the strain of it. I’m so out of my mind. I don’t even find it pleasing to see some of the chopped stones fall over the edge and off the hill.  
This is not the Force I should use.  
And I’m not the only one having that thought.

’You know it’s not the end, right?’  
Cal startles me a little, walking in on me using the dark side of the Force again. I almost feel shameful besides all the shitty things I have been feeling all morning.  
His voice is so bright, so full of positivity it would make me sick if it wasn’t… him. I grit my teeth and my muscles tighten while I contemplate turning towards him or just waiting out until he gives up and leaves. But he talks again.

’The map is gone, but we can find it. Failure is not the end. Once I thought it was too. But then…’

’It’s not about the map’ – I interrupt his motivation-speech. –’Well, not entirely.’  
With a heavy sigh I turn to look him in the eyes, though I’m aware it is going to make me feel weaker and more vulnerable. Always does.

’Then what is it about?’– Cal takes a step forward. He is still wearing his nightclothes and he’s still sporting a stubble, however, he looks a lot more alive and healthy. His wound is doing much better it seems. A sudden surge of relief runs through me at the thought, thank goodness. But the way he keeps staring at me? With so much hope and anticipation… Should I just break it to him now? To tell him that Yastel, my former jedi friend and lover was the one following us around? That I could have figured it out sooner and prevent all this shit from happening? Uh, like a punch in the feels.

’Dunno what to say… and it probably doesn’t matter now. The map is gone anyway…’– I let my head fall, resignation filling my guts. I don’t expect him to put up with all my stuff from the past. I’ve caused enough trouble to him, even if it was not intentional. Telling him won’t help any bit.

’Still matters to me.’ – I hear his determined voice and when I look up he is closer, almost a step away from my form.  
Our eyes meet and there it goes, my stubborn plan to force him to leave me alone. All I want is to stay in this moment when he is there for me. A tear runs down my face and I let it. Don’t even want to cover it up because I know it is okay… and he knows too.

’Hey, come here’– he extends his arm and pulls me by my shoulder into an embrace.  
I huff out a chuckle in disbelief at that and let it happen. I feel his arms around me, the body heat, the scent of his hair which reminds me of cut grass for no real reason at all… and it’s the most comforting thing I felt for years.  
We stand like that for a couple of seconds that feel like an eternity. My raging heart calms down and relaxes completely. My fingers stroke up his back slightly, accidentally sliding down his side once and that makes him pull away at last.

’Uh, sorry. Your wound?’

’Yeah. But it’s getting better’ – he reassures me and paces back and forth a little awkwardly. He is waiting for me to say something.

’I… I was an idiot. Using the Force out of anger… again’ – I make myself start it.

’It's okay... it happens sometimes… even to the best of us.’ – he says to me with a faint smirk. – ’Feeling better now?’

’Yeah, a little.’

’Cere told me you had a nightmare. It happened to me a lot too when I reconnected to the Force. You don’t have to worry about them, they’ll pass.’ – It’s unbelievable how he always tries to motivate.

’The nightmare was bad enough… It was shitty. But I’m out of it because something else, actually…’ – I admit.  
Cal frowns at me curiously, not being able to guess it. That’s it. I’m done hiding things. He needs to know.

’It’s about the fact that our bounty-hunter who cut into your side on Naboo is a blasted jedi from my past.’

’Woah, a jedi?’ – Cal blinks in confusion. So Cere did NOT tell him everything.

’Used to be. He is the reason I became stuck on Vrogas. The blonde one you already saw in your visions after touching my lightsaber.’ – I explain with a thudding heart. 

’No way… the guy you used to train with? The jedi you told Cere about?’

’Yes.’

’And he was after us all along?’– Cal’s eyes couldn’t go any wider.

’Yeah. He is my freaking shadow. I should have realized it by now, and I feel fucking stupid for not knowing. I could have… I should have…’ – I stutter around like an idiot.

’What? Stopped him from stabbing me or taking the map? How? You are no fortune teller’ – Cal blinks at me intensely, making me realize that I absolutely couldn’t have done anything. This guy is different from the Yastel I knew. He became different during the years that passed since we parted. I don’t know him anymore. –’It’s not your fault at all.’ – Cal adds.– ’But now I get it. Why you were so upset. I know he was your friend. You must have been close… and I’m sorry about it.’ – Cal looks genuinely shaken as he sinks deeply in the thought. I guess he should learn the whole story then.

’And you don't know half of it’ – I mouth almost inaudibly. 

’What do you mean?’- Cal raises a brow curiously.

I bite into my tongue a little too hard and wince. Why would I stop now? I should just say it. And now Cal looks even more adorably confused with every second, so I spill the beans. 

’I mean, close as in, physically too.’

It takes a moment before it downs, before his brows jump high and his lips part in surprise.

’But...! That is forbidden for a jedi...’- Cal blinks in disbelief. He looks so damn innocent I can’t help but chuckle and look in the distance biting the insides of my mouth.

’Have you never felt like breaking any rules, Cal Kestis?’ – the question slides down my tongue without me giving it a second thought. 

’N-not really, I mean...’ – he stammers, thinking hard to find an example. I might just help him a little.

’Alright...’- I look Cal in the eyes and go a little further on that. Maybe even a little too far, though it’s deliberate. I’m done pretending.– ’Have you ever been horny during your trainings, Cal?’

The young jedi swallows hard and averts his gaze to the ground, biting at his lip, turning into a dark shade of red. – ’Don't hide your face. It's just biology. Your body still wants to become a man, while training to be a jedi. Right?’- My fingers slowly graze the material covering Cal's shoulder and the shy boy looks up. –’You do know the feeling, don’t ya?’- I keep lightly stroking Cal's upper arm and he can't stop the shiver from shaking him, making him close his eyes at the feeling for a moment. Then he realizes I am still waiting for an answer. He shrugs to take away some tension and he says:

’I have... felt it, I mean. Of course I have...’- his eyes never stop roaming his surroundings and then he settles back on my face -’...but I never acted on it.’ 

’Not even since...?’- My movement stops but my fingers rest on Cal's bicep, I don't retreat. Cal's face slowly twitches into a smile at a memory. 

’Prauf, my friend has once set me up on a date with a woman... didn't really work out.’

’Maybe, because it was a woman.’- I smirk, letting go of Cal, sitting down onto the hard surface of the hillside on a flat cliff, pulling my knees up to my stomach. Cal settles down beside me, shifting so close that our elbows and arms constantly touch. The boy's skin itches for further contact, or so it seems. We sit in silence for a minute or so and I finally feel a little delighted for the first time that day. It’s almost like before we lost the map. The thing I’ve been worried about – caring for someone who I could lose is becoming just a stupid little inessential detail when I am sitting next to him, in the warm rays of the morning sun, feeling him this close. Not sure what this connection is called, but fuck it. Because it frees me of my frustrations and fears. It’s only us now. And the piece… and then Cal clears his throat and ends my tranquility... in a good way though. His voice still kind of cracks as it comes out. 

’So you have kissed a man before...’- it's not a question but has the uncertain tone of one.

’Ummhmm.’- I nod.- ’Why?’  
I know exactly why and it makes me want to jump off this cliff with excitement. But I am going to make Cal say it. 

’I w-wonder... what it is like.’

’You wonder?’  
Cal nods innocently, biting his soft-looking lip, staring at my mouth and back in my eyes. But Syle Metri is a mean guy, as you all know it. The sense of control makes me drunk and I need to play a little.

’It's not as delicate as kissing a woman. When you kiss a man, you feel the constant power play, and it easily gets rough in the heat of it, biting and sucking at the skin until it bruises a little... you feel his stubble scratch against your soft lips, and it may burn a bit but the slight pain is just fueling the fire inside your body…- at the end I manage to look so seductively in his eyes that Cal has to turn his head just to catch his breath, panting, and I know exactly how he feels, hotness twisting low in his stomach and lower. I remember my first time being this close to someone. It’s like being high on drugs. Like you’re out of your mind. I want to make him feel that, and so much more. Cal only slightly notices the pull of my fingers on his chin, turning him back. 

’Hey, you okay there, Cal?’- I grin in self-satisfaction. 

’You are driving me crazy!’- AAAAAND the young jedi finally snaps with a hungry expression, and it makes me smirk even wider before he slams our lips together greedily. It is all I just described to Cal, our tongues pressing together impatiently, the slight stubble of his scratching at my sensitive lip, the little bites and sucking of skin as the kiss grows more passionate that gets my pulse racing but I guess I left out the most arousing part: the little noises Cal keeps making into my lips. When we part way too soon, Cal wants to dive right back into it, his head swimming. But I lean my temple against Cal's with a huge smile on my silly face. 

’So eager, what happened to my well-behaved jedi knight?’- my voice sounds rough. 

’Something great happened...’- Cal sighs. He rests for a moment before jolting with an alarming thought –’Y-you liked it too, right?’- the boy turns tense suddenly.

’If this was not your first kiss I'd just take your hand and make you feel how much I liked it...’ – I allow myself a naughty smirk at him though it takes a moment before the info lands in Cal’s mind with probably a new wave of blood rushing south judging from his face. His eyes roll back with a shaky exhale and he looks totally blissed out. He shivers as he looks away, grinning like an idiot.  
My hand slides over his shoulder now, pulling his body close to mine. It mirrors his gesture a little earlier, but now I’m the one comforting and he is the one with the racing mind and heart. Not that I’m unaffected, by the way. But I want this to be about him now. I lean close, arm around him, my body touching Cal's on the non-injured side.

’I know, it was overwhelming for a first kiss. I just got carried away because I couldn't stop thinking about it since the moment I saw you. So, sorry, I guess.’

’You thought about it? With me?’ – he seems kinda fake-oblivious. I know he knew it for a long time.

’Of course, you're awfully handsome, you fool.’

’Huh. You are. I could not sleep for several nights because of you’ – he confesses, and the sound of that gives me pride and chills. I dig it.

’Good to know I've been in your fantasies too.’ - I say and it makes Cal somehow blush again. –’Hmm... were those shower fantasies? Or just cute daydreaming of handholding and going on a picnic together?- I take the teasing one step further before letting him get away with it. Honestly it just feels so great finally being alive and fooling around with this gorgeous man. Like I’ve been in a coma for years, before I met him.

’You really need to ask that?’ – his behaviour has never been so cocky. –’You don’t have any idea…’ 

’Yeah…?’

’You don’t know what you are doing to me, Syle Metri.’– he shakes his head after a heavy sigh. I don’t resist stroking my fingers up his scalp, entagling them in those wonderful fiery locks. Cal is leaning into my touch then he starts panting again and turns to me for another hurried kiss.  
Before our lips could meet, only half an inch away I stop him though, to have a good look at him.  
As our breath mingles and I can count the shades of green in his eyes I am completely sure I’ve fallen for him.  
I couldn’t be more screwed even if I tried.

’Do you know what you’re doing to me? You make me trust myself… even if it feels ridiculous. If I feel like a worthless waste of space you just appear and make me go on. I don’t know how you do it… but I’m so glad you do.’ – Holy crap, I am a cheesy old lady. – ’And of course you’re making me hard 25 times a day but that’s not so surprising…’ – okay, now I’m more like a cheesy old perv, that’s much better.  
Cal finds it funny because he bursts out laughing, then he jerks up in my arms, his hand pressing to his other side, the wound.

’You always find a way to torture me, huh?’ – he looks over at me sideway while his head is rolling back tiredly. –’But that won’t be enough to get me off your back.’  
I can’t help myself so I let him press those lips press against mine now in a slower, more sensual way… until I hear a familiar ’boop-bweep-doot’ from my left side...


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little planning happens now, is the mission not over yet? There might be a way to save it.  
> And, Syle learns something important of himself, and how he can get in a closer contact with the Force.  
> Cal is just injured and sweet and in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hya Darlings,
> 
> This is an edited version of the chapter. After getting some useful advice from Chancellor_Mal, I decided to change some things about it, not major ones, though. /Thanks! Let me know what you think now ;) I think I found the tone I was looking for./
> 
> I realized as a Reader I'd like to go with a slower burn, having time for some sweet tension to grow and all the underlying feels to unfold. So, it appears, this chapter will not be that smutty. Yet. Hopefully though you will like the romantic parts, the adventure and the way the story goes. (And of course, with Syle there is no real way to avoid steamy thoughts, huh?)
> 
> As for the smut, I'm actually planning something and you'll see that soon too! (I'm taking some days off next week from work so I might be able to post earlier, yay) 
> 
> Thank you for the amount of kudos and comments btw, this will always keep me going <3 even if work sucks.
> 
> I promise next chapter will be more eventful, and DRAMA is coming up!  
> But now let's just enjoy their love a little, they fought for it hard enough.
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Happy Reading!

Cal seems to not notice our interruptor and he even makes a whiny pout when we part. I grin because he is actually adorable but I’m too late to warn him about the droid’s presence because it already started to climb up his back and Cal jolts in shock at it. A laugh erupts from my chest and I turn towards him, still sitting on the ground.

’Something wrong, BD-1?’

The little thing beeps twice, wanting to show us something. Then, he projects an image of our rebel connection, Tani Fadd. She is shown as if she was inside the Mantis which is weird because it never happened.

’Wait, Tani Fadd is here now?’– Cal connects the pieces together before I do. Looks like he is less stunned by our encounter than I am…? Uh. Alright. Probably he is just better at multitasking. With reddening cheeks one half of his brain is still busy finding ways he can hide the effect our kiss had on him. Ha-ha.  
BD beeps a yes.

’We should go then.’– I note, standing up from the hard surface of the cliff. I hadn’t even realized how numb my thighs became while spending so much time there. Cal’s face shows mixed emotions, like he is equally dutiful and disappointed. –’Come on. Don’t worry, I’m not done with you, gorgeous.’ – I wink at him seductively and I already enjoy every damn time I can make him blush with no regrets. Oh, I am evil… 

’Can I… can I get a minute? You two go ahead, alright?’–Cal looks up at me hesitantly. I want to stay too but I only smirk and nod. 

’Sure thing. Don’t take long though. She probably came to kill me, I need my protector.’

’I don’t think she will. But, I wouldn’t let that happen anyway.’ – his words send lightning up my spine and I seriously need to kick myself to be able to focus even a little as I follow the droid up the ship.  
But honestly, who would be able to after everything that happened?

I see Cere and Tani talk at the kitchen and Greez looking at the holo-map that shows our route. 

’What is she doing here?’– I step up to the guy, trying to pry a little before I get myself invonved.

’Think she is giving us more trouble, Kid. But first, you need to cook our lunch. Don’t forget!’

’Right, Greez…’

’Syle!’ – Tani spots me and I have no other choice but to join them. I walk up to the wall beside the plant-terrarium and lean against it.

’Hi Tani…’

’Don’t fret, I won’t bite you! It wasn’t your fault you lost the pendant. We couldn’t be prepared for what happened.’

’Oh-okay.’– I sigh with relief – ’So, what can I do for ya?’

’Tani informed me that the traitor could locate the possible area where the map can still be obtained.’ – Cere starts talking first. –’It’s the bounty hunter’s hideout.’  
Holy fuck. Yastel’s hiding place? Just what I needed in my miserable life. Cere knows that much, judging from her expression. Also, she didn’t tell Tani about my past presumably which I am grateful for.

’You will need to leave at dawn at the latest, because tomorrow he is going to give the map away.’ – Tani adds in her bossy way.

’The traitor could be lying.’– I only assume but how the hell do we really know that she isn’t?

’Yes. But this is the only thing we have.’ – Tani explains –’I can grant you some of our guards who could help with the possible resistance.’

’No need. We are not going to attack them, we will sneak in.’– Cere says and she is right. We are still weak and tired for a full on fight.

’Syle is good at that’ – Tani smirks at me, dimples showing on her face as she does. I know what she refers to. Smuggling is a talent I was probably born with.

’What is he good at now?’– I hear Cal’s curious voice from the doorway.  
For a moment I freeze, hoping nobody would attack this precious boy with any smart inaproppriate comments on us because I’d feel bad for him if somebody called him out on our… new level of relationship. I wonder if Cere saw us out there… or Greez? Tani? She definitely would say something then.

’He is a man of many talents. But we are talking about sneaking into a hideout’ – the rebel leader informs Cal, luckily without any drama.  
From now on we spend half of the day planning the act, that is going to take place on no other planet than Valgauth. Of course, Yastel’s home location. It gives me a strange kind of a twist in my stomach to imagine it, and there is nothing pleasant about it.  
Greez soon grows impatient and hungry so he starts to prepare the food I was supposed to cook. Cere invites Tani to stay for lunch which she gladly takes. She tells us about the interrogation that I’m not sure I wanted to know the details of.  
This newfound companionship Cal and I have is messing with my head all day, by the way. It's ridiculous! I honestly thought not being sure about him returning my feelings was nerve wreckingly exciting. Well, i had no idea, apparently. If I say there is 10 minutes when Cal’s image doesn’t flash up in my brain all day I am probably exeggarating.  
And him? The wanker knows for sure. He takes every damn opportunity to make me squirm inside. The touches. He just brushes past me every chance he gets, leaving a hot sensation of his palm on my hip or my shoulder. The contact never fails to make me shiver. And I haven't even talked about the little eye fucks that have been going on all day. A smirk, or just a look at eachother at exactly the same time... I swear his stare has changed too. It has never been this cocky, naughty, tempting before. When we sit at the round holo-table with Tani there, and him beside me, I constantly fight the urge to sit tightly against his side, but we manage to keep things professional until the last minute, when Tani stands and everyone is looking at her, so we aren’t in the spotlight. I suddenly feel Cal's fingers press up against my knee, and I jump a little. I don't need to look at him to see his expression. The childish held-back giggle, kept in control behind tightly shut lips, oh I can imagine it well enough.  
So, to put it lightly, the boy is messing with me all day. If he weren't injured I'd totally drag him into my room- but I promised myself to skip that, we'll have plenty of time when we survive tomorrow's mission. Because there is no question we will. But it's gonna be a dangerous one.  
Am I afraid? No. I trust our battle skills and my sneaky past enough. AM I anxious? Very fucking much. This is the first time in years when I know I am going to see Yastel again. I can still imagine the 16, 17, 18 year old me crawling out of his skin at the thought, and the current one wishing the guy was nowhere near me ever again. The emotions mix up inside my mind when I let myself sink into it so what I do whenever the thought wants to invade me is to push back with full force, recalling those kisses from the morning.  
Later that day Tani insists on watching me train with Cere along her. We set up some dummies outside and I’m doing all sorts of attacks with the instruction of my gorgeous tutor. I hate to perform with so many people watching but the look on Cal’s proud face after my little successes makes the whole thing a lot better. The rebel leader is also quite impressed at my lightsaber technique, and I’d rather not bring up my Force-using skills (or lack of) now not to ruin the moment of praises so I smile and accept it. Cal then gives me a practice rod to do a little combat-training. I am doubtful of his health condition to be sufficient for this activity, but he looks quite alive spinning his piece of weapon between his fingers so I am going along with it.  
Tani and Cere are already nowhere near us by then, they watch our combat training from afar, standing beside the Mantis, busy talking meanwhile. Cal bocks almost all of my attacks though I am going easy on him, not meaning to wear him down with his injury before tomorrow’s mission. After a particularly bold move to reach me, though, he staggers back, hunching forward slightly, rubbing at his side with an uncomfortable grimace. I can't help the little pang of worry rushing through me. 

’Ey, you okay?’ - I step up close and Cal's eyes light up when he notices. 

’Yeah...’ - he smiles coyly, then averts his gaze from my lips he's been staring at, with heated cheeks. I fight the urge to tug his head close and kiss the daylight out of him, but I still feel the need to make some kind of a contact so I brush my fingers against his injured side softly with affection. Cal's breath comes out in a sharp hiss, but he is still smiling. 

'Does it hurt?' - I blink at him desperately wanting to… I don’t even know. To comfort him and to make him feel he can count on me, whatever happens. He takes my hand then unexpectedly and places my palm against his abdomen, over the wound. I feel the warmth under and over my cooled skin as his fingers rest on top of mine. 

'Yeah, but getting much better now' - he says with the fluffiest smile on him. The way his eyes brighten my day is some kind of magic. Then suddenly my hand is dropped and forgotten and Cal yanks out his lightsaber to activate both of the blades, spinning it in front of me. 

'Cal?' 

'Move behind me' - I look over my shoulder following his fixed gaze on something lurking on the hillside. I see the reason of his concerns now, it is a bog rat approaching us. It's probably even bigger than the one responsible for the loss of my right hand. 

'No way, you're injured!'- I almost order him to leave it, but the stubborn thing he is, he won't listen to me, pacing closer to the creature. 

'Cal, I can handle it!' - which sounds quite like a pun looking at my gloved artificial hand. 

'You don't have to'- is his reply and the hungry bastard is already crawling up to him to take a bite. I need to stop him. He might be able to win a fight against that thing but it surely won't do any good for his wound, and tomorrow he will need every drop of health to stay alive. I have to save Cal.  
He is already battling with the animal much taller than himself when I run up to them, trying to taunt the thing, to get it’s attention. I make noises and even throw a rock at it to make sure Cal is going to be ignored soon. Cal takes a sideways look at me, trying to warn me not to interfere but I don't care. And finally, the bog rat pushes Cal to the ground but leaves him, heading for the cheeky bastard -me- sticking a tongue out at it. 

'Syle?' - Cal calls out, and I know, I don't even have my lightsaber with me this time... But I won't be needing it. The creature towers over me growling disgustingly, and I probably should feel fear but all I'm thinking about is saving Cal. The Force is with me and I trust in the Force. The Force will help me push this fucker off the edge of the hill. I take a look at the distance, and back at the bog rat that's currently preparing to leap forward and attack me, hissing and grumbling. The slimy skin on it's head is showing, and the claws on it's tiny hands inching towards me. 

'Syle!!' - Cal tries to recollect himself, however, before he could get up on his feet and rush to my rescue, I feel a familiar but strong wave of power filling my whole being and extending my prosthetic hand towards the beast I know what is about to happen. Everything seems to be going down in slow motion from there, as I close my eyes I can see the scene of an old memory replaying. 

I am 12 years old, dressed as the younger jedi padawans. It's my test, the one that will determine if I'm good enough to join the actual padawans, or I will have a place among the guardians. It's actually here, on Bogano. (I didn’t even remember that detail.) We are running, more of us. Three. We need to get back to the ship in time. The hills are steep and dangerous. Before the ship comes to sight I hear a scream. One of the guys is stuck in the mud behind me, struggling to get free. A scary creature is heading towards him from behind the tall stones at the edge of the hill unstoppably. 

'Syle?' - I hear one of my roommates say my name to urge me to hurry. But I need to save this poor dude. He is thinner than me and is in full panic. He is going to be killed if I don't help. So, I decide to turn back, holding the fighting rod - the only weapon I was given for the test- in my right hand as the master thought me... And I fear nothing.

The flash is over and I open my eyes. The bog rat is nowhere to be seen, only the quet hillside is in front of me, and it looks peaceful as a slight breeze weeps over the long grass. I realize I am panting and buzzing with adrenaline. Cal is right beside me, arms folded at his chest, grinning with pride in his beautiful eyes. Did I just do it?

'W... Wow.' 

'Exactly, wow' - he sighs, touching my arm, stroking up softly. - 'You were great!'

Of course before I could get lost in those emerald traps, Cere and Tani arrive, making our glowy moment break and we jump apart like we were stung by a bee. Both of the warrior women express how very impressed they are, so I don’t feel completely disappointed. 

Tani then wishes us luck and she leaves before dinnertime just when I almost expected Cere to ask her to stay the night and come with us at dawn.  
The thought lingers in my mind though, probably caused by the tired state of my mind, coming down from the adrenaline high. So if Tani or anybody were to stay with us where exactly would they sleep? I have no idea, there are no random guest rooms on the Mantis. What if that nightsister comes back? That might mean I would have to share Cal's room and his bed which doesnt exactly sound like the worst thing ever.  
I am back at helplessly staring at him, his features while he eats, while he waters the plants and interacts with his little droid friend. Whenever I catch his eyes locking with mine, we both smile. It’s a little less hormone-driven and more affectionate by this time, but that doesn’t mean my mind does not come up with ideas anymore. Uh. Like that was possible. 

We call it a night right after dinnertime (just like a family, huh?) but we don't talk about school and work, we talk about stealing back an important tool from the Empire for the Rebellion. 

’You should use a stim and a pack of that gel before sleeping’- Cere instructs Cal and he nods in acknowledgement like a well behaved son does, and BD also approves. I grin at the scene when Cere turns to me with a sharp look. 

’You should have one too, for your leg.’

’It's wonderfully fine now, Cere...’

’Take one pack, you were shot not long ago.’

’Alright!’ - I nod shortly, raising my hand in defense feeling the pressure, and now it's Cal's turn to chuckle. 

’What is up with you kids today, huh?’ - Greez raises a brow – ’You act like these... giggly... stuff - children all day.’  
We take a glance at eachother, playing it cool as best as we can. 

’Uhh...’ 

’Well...’ 

’We are all very excited to see you park the ship on Valgauth invisibly, Greez’- Cere saves it for us and I am sure at this point that she saw us this morning. 

’If someone can do it right, it's ME!’ - the cap says dryly so he has taken the bait. He stands then with a grumpy offended huff and leaves.  
Cere stands too and a spark of excitement shots through me expecting the moment when Cal and I will be finally alone together again.  
Before either of us leaves though, Cere takes matters in her hands. 

’So, boys. I feel the need to remind you that tomorrow is going to be important and difficult at the same time. It will take all of your focus, and you both need to be alert. Whatever happened to you today, I want you to leave it on the ship when we depart, alright? Just find your most attentive minds, no matter how. Please.’

’Sure, Cere’- I agree with a nod. Cal opens his mouth to explain, but decides against it. He nods his head too. 

’Good night then’- The jedi master leaves and I need to suck in a deep breath before I look up at Cal who is standing at the kitchen counter.

’So…?’ –I talk first, with no real content. Yeah, lame. But Cal feels this tension too and he grins, walking down the stairs to me as I am sitting at the holo-table.

’You were fantastic today, you know, right?’– he asks sounding completely honest. My heart warms before my mind intervenes ruining it with a joke.

’Ummm… when exactly was I fantastic?’ – I chuckle cockily.

’Uhh’ – he laughs a little dryly. – ’More than once, actually.’ – as he says it I feel his fingers brushing over my shoulders as he passes me by. I take a glance at his clothed butt. Still 10/10.

’How did you do it? What did you feel?’ – Cal turns to glance at me and my eyes shift up quickly to find his. But the jedi doesn’t notice my wandering eyes, he only looks at me with great interest now. –’I know that a beast like that was responsible for losing your hand’– he remembers, eyes shifting to my gloved prosthetic hand on the holo-table and I feel the need to move my fingers under his gaze. – ’The Force usually works less in our favour if we are facing a demon from the past, yet you were just… fearless and it came so easily’ – he absolutely seems to be enraptured. –’How?’

’The Force… seems to be working better for me when it’s you on the line.’– I answer not hiding anything from him. This is the most straightforward reply I could give him, because this is how I feel. Cal’s lips twitch up into a half-smirk. 

’During the jedi training they taught us that it’s forbidden to get attached to someone like this… because it can turn dangerous.’– he claims hesitantly.

’Oh, are you getting attached to someone now?’ – I try to battle his serious tone with half-a-joke. Cal chuckles again, biting his lip sweetly.

’You enjoy making me blush, right?’ 

’You have no idea!’ – I admit with a stupid grin. – ’Because you look fucking wonderful like that. I mean… you are always handsome, but then… I don’t know. Maybe I’m just mean’ – I shrug it off before I say something too cheesy.

’You definitely ARE’ – Cal pulls up his nose to say it with a laugh and leans his elbows next to me on the table. This way we are close enough to share a breath. He is looking at me expectantly. –’But I like you anyway…’ – he mouths, staring at my lips. I am giving in and lean up to him for a sweet lingering slow kiss.

As it usually happens though, sweet soft lip-locks turn into a heated panting firy makeout session that leaves us breathless. Cal can hardly breathe when we part and for a moment I know he contemplates crawling into my lap.  
That’s when Greez arrives, of course.

’You two still out here?’ – he stands at the holo-map, completely confused.

’Yeah. We are just going’ –I stand up and nod my head for Cal to let us move towards our rooms. Greez watches us all along so before we reach the destinations I sneak a peak at Cal raising a question in a theatric tone for the captain to hear.

’So, you want me to change your bandages, right, Cal?’ – our eyes meet and my real intention clears up in his mind just instantly.– ’You know how important it is to keep the wound nice and clean…’

’Uh, yeah. I… I’d… sure. We… well, I’d appreciate it.’ – he stutters. Well, lying is not among your most exceptional skills, boy.

’Night, Greez’ – I even wave a hand before the door closes behind us. As soon as it happens we both burst out laughing like we were some 10 year olds who just committed a major mischief.  
Cal laughs so hard he hurts himself and he clutches at his side, lying down on his back across his mattress.

’Oh goodness, I’m dying’– he pants for breath, trying to will away the tremors of the laughter. I sit down next to him, just watching his face as he gradually stops the giggles.  
His hand still has a hold on his side.

’Ya okay there?’ – concern shines through my voice and I know it. But guess we are past those moments when I tried to deny my vulnerability before him. –’You really should take care of yourself more than you do.’

’It was you who made me laugh…’

’And I’m the one leaving now you to sleep and heal… you need it.’– Despire my words I find myself leaning back on my elbow to be next to eachother on the bed, but not actually touching. 

’That’s how you’re leaving?’– Cal raises a brow up at me, his tone playful.– ’Not that I want you to.’

’Nah. I’m outta here, just needed to take one more look at ya. To remember every freckle ’til the morning, you know?’

He gives me a coy smile, his eyes lit up.

’Take your medicines, or else I’ll have a talk with your little buddy.’– I look around for the droid because I swear I saw him enter the room earlier.

’BD's asleep. Eh, charging.’ 

’Oh, I see.’ – the way he talks about the droid always makes my heart melt a little. I would never admit it to him though, that would be absolutely cheesy.

’But I have a stash under my bed. All medicines you could ever need are here…’ – Cal sits up to get the bag of drugs and my eyes go wide seeing that collection. –’It’s not mine. Greez had it when they picked me up. Served us well though a couple of times.’

’Like after you battled Vader?’

’Especially after that, yeah.’– he takes the necessary gel pack and a single stim in his hand, then turns to me with anticipation. 

’You won’t… stay and help me with it, will you?’ –he sounds very hopeful as he lifts the hem of his shirt, revealing the bandage and some powder-white skin with protruding hipbones and enviable muscles all over his chest. He loses the piece of clothing. I feel a short termor running through me as I watch him but I’m collecting myself enough to think straight. 

’What do you need help with?’– I sigh, almost ready to leave until I’m not too tempted to stay forever.

’If you want to speed up the healing process, it’s more effective to inject the direct area of the wound with the stim. I don’t really like to do that myself.’

’Sit up further’- I tell him in agreement and Cal instantly shifts to the edge of the bed, not breaking our eye contact while undoing the knot on the bandage, letting the material fall. I need to rearrange my location to be able to reach his wound properly, so I take a nearby chair that belongs probably to the desk sitting right in front of Cal, between his spread knees. We are very close now and the position is also very intimate for Cal not to turn red as a tomato. For a long moment we keep staring at eachother, then I inhale forcefully. 

’Alright. Close the stunning green things on your face and it will be over in a moment.’  
Cal does as instructed and smiles like he was waiting for a mindblowing kiss. Instead, he feels a hot gloved palm on his hipbone and the next second a sharp pain should be shooting into his stomach.

’Ughhhmpf!’- he muffles a groan and his head jerks upwards, his chin pointing to the ceiling, and after some heavy breathing he slowly lowers his head back and opens his eyes at me, still wincing. He is biting hard into his lip, and though he is making eye contact again, he’s still twitching in pain a couple of times more. Then he notices that I have a hand on him, but by now on his thigh above his knee, rubbing soothing circles into his skin to take his mind off of the pain. Cal looks up meeting my eyes with curious sparks filling his. I feel like a magnetic pull is driving me closer to him and I find myself leaning over, stroking my thumb at his chin close to his bitten lips while whispering:

’Don't draw blood with that bite... we don’t have any more stims now.’  
As the soft slow touch lingers, Cal's mouth opens as he lets go of the red flesh between his teeth, his head moving forward, searching further contact from me with an exhale. My brows rise in interest when our lips gently brush against eachother, but Cal stops directly in front of me, just an inch away with hesitation. He is watching me with great interest. I notice the lazy way his red hair is falling into his face like it always does, and the look is still so beautiful as a painting. Like I always thought. I can’t believe I am at this point now, to be actually able to get away with smoothing the locks back with my hand and stroking his cheek. I could kiss him, make him feel amazing and I know for a fact he would not regret it if I stayed the night. But, I will not.

’So, where is that medi-gel of yours?’– I whisper, my breath licking at his lips and he seems so lost in the moment with his hooded eyelids he hardly notes my question. –’Hmm?’  
He turns a bright crimson before he reacts.

’Uh… right!’– he snaps out of it at last, giving me the gel pack and I squeeze some out of the bluish liquid on my hand. We keep looking at eachother until Cal lies back on the bed and he speaks to me:

’It’d be nice if you covered the wound and the red swelling around it. That amount will be great.’

’Sure…’ –I touch my coated fingers to his injury and he takes in a sharp breath because it’s cold, but then he relaxes, closing his eyes sweetly letting it happen. I coat the red parts on his porcelain-looking skin carefully, watching his relaxed face as I do. It makes me feel quite content to see him like this.  
I tap on his knee when finished. He sits up again and I help him knot the new bandage before I need to laugh out loud at a thought that occurs.

’Looks like we didn’t lie to Greez after all.’

’Yeah. I’m bad at lying anyway.’

’You seriously are!’

’Hey, I’m just learning how to „break the rules”, okay? Bear with me’ – Cal jokes using my words from earlier. It makes me smile first but leads me back to when he brought up the jedi code not so long ago. Could it ever be dangerous to fall for him? Really? I know my answer for it, but I kinda worry about his point of view.  
I stand to let him rest for the night, but as the bugging won’t leave my brain, I stop at the door to say something.

’Hey. About that thing… I get it why getting attached is forbidden for the jedi…’ – he looks up, waiting – ’I know it might be scary to go aganst what you were taught there, but… I think we’ll be good, Cal. We have been okay so far and, guess I’ve been feeling like this since almost the beginning. I couldn’t stop liking you even if we never talked again, so… – Wow. I can’t believe I just said that. There goes my love confession, huh? –’So this is how I’ll have to deal now because I’m… already screwed, I guess.’ – I grin –’Hope you can accept this.’

When I look at him I see his eyes sparkling at me with so many emotions on his face I can hardly take it. Then, he stands too with a quick move, suddenly having my face between his palms to kiss me forcefully before leaning his temple against mine, our heads swimming together.

’That makes the two of us „already screwed”’– he chuckles softly. And yeah, we totally are. –’Don’t forget the stim you promised Cere.’ – he adds, leaning away with a smile, still holding me close.

’Uhh. Come on. I’ve just told you how „great” I am at being obedient!’

’Just take it.’ 

’Okay.’


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The jedi boys pair up to find a common enemy. They end up in a very unexpected situation with the guy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Darlings,
> 
> New chapter here :) Yay
> 
> To be honest, this was the hardest one so far. I've been hesitant because I had to edit the last chapter. I am sorry about delaying the smut but I honestly felt I could make the deal sweeter if the slow burn is really... slow. So hopefully you'll enjoy it more later :D 
> 
> And then I got sick and started another fic, but... whatever. Because now Syle is finally facing the most frightening demon from his past.   
> Let me know what you think and,
> 
> I'm so f*ing happy that more than 90 people liked this story so far <3 my heart is flying around the house in joy!
> 
> So Happy Reading, and for the next chapter I promise you something hot -something to look forward to ;)

Valgauth. Yastel always referred to it as the Wasteland. When Tani and I visited the place years ago, it shocked me completely to find it in such an ugly state. The poverty and people living in slums was just one aspect of it. There were complete hills built of trash. At a place like this you seem odd if you show up in clean clothes. They might even attack you. Because, yeah, I haven't yet mentioned public safety, well there is a reason for it. It doesn't exist. It's the eat others or you'll be eaten rule, and it really applies. If Tani wasn't with me last time I would have been robbed so bad I only could have kept my skin on me, nothing else. Well, this is were we are going to park the Mantis now.   
The cap is reasonably nervous. I've never heard anyone swear so furiously as Greez is doing, looking for a safe zone on the holo-map.   
'Why won’t you leave us there, and come pick us up later?' - Cal suggests, leaning his hips against the table.   
'That's not good. We can't determine the time Syle needs to find the actual place where the pendant is stored.'– Cere interjects.  
'Aren't we going together?'- Cal's demanding voice is something I would die for. Never expected to see him pout.   
'You are still injured' - Cere seems to find a stone solid valid reason to keep Cal away from that junkfield and I can't say I disagree.   
'I'm alright! See? No pain' - Cal insists, eyes glowing like a child's when bargaining for something. He twists and stretches to demonstrate how okay he is. I look down at my feet with a grin, I can't help it. -'Hey, we were a great team on Vrogas too and I still had the scratches of the fight with Vader'   
Oh, that's new to me. He never said it was so close on the timeline to our first meeting. Cere contemplates the options, head turning to the side, and her face doesn't show anything that's going on inside.   
'Alright' - She then sighs with concern. I'm not sure it's just a figure of speech or her decision until she goes on. - 'You two go together, I stay with Greez at the ship in case anything happens.'   
'Which "anything" I am pretty bloody sure will happen anyway' - the old grump growls.   
We seem to find a secluded area soon, though not convinced an empty region is a good place to stay at all. But we have little choice here.   
As the two of us, Cal and I walk on the muddy road, stepping over rotten food and long-dead wild animals I feel a shot of adrenaline flooding my body at the thought of meeting this wanker. I would rather climb back up the ship and ask Cere to do this for me. But I can’t. My conscience wouldn’t leave me alone if I got cold feet now. So I try my hardest to push the rush down, to swallow the lump in my throat and will away the image of Yastel Krinn in any forms. I put on my casual hilarious mask as I usually do and honestly hope that nothing will get me out of this state.

The motel he is supposed to stay in is within walking distance and I’m really glad the entrance is on the right side of the building because further on the road there are beggars who I’m not completely sure would act friendly if they spotted us. I hold the door open for my handsome companion who throws me a smile that gives me strength to enter.   
I honestly would expect some company, at least a guard or a receptionist at the entrance of the thing, but to my surprise, there is none. No guests running around either but that does not really shock me based on the view. It's safe to point out that never in my entire life have I seen a dirtier place than this. It's a real shitfield. The dusty floor tiles are covered in dark patches of mud and hell knows what, I'm trying not to make guesses for the comfort of my own stomach. The stench is some indicator though, unfortunately.   
The furniture in the waiting area looks worn, torn and ugly as well. I listen to Cal taking in a shuddery breath and our eyes meet for a moment. I want to know if he is alright and he nods before I could form words.   
'Let' s go then' –I say.  
I planned to take a look at the guest book or the official documents around the reception, but that's a dead end too. On the desk there is nothing, it's completely empty. I could pick the lock on the drawer but it's actually easy to peak in and all I see are some old empty snack packs and some keys. No documents, holo-screens or anything useful. So, there is nothing really left for us besides knocking on every door.   
'So?' - Cal turns to me with interest. He is still hoping for a more professional approach. I hate to break it to him.   
'So... We are kinda fucked. And not in a good way. We need to check every floor.'   
'That could take like... forever?' - Cal frowns.– 'We need to separate. We still could talk through the comm, right?’– he comes up with the idea that I don’t like one bit.  
’No way. You are injured. We don’t know what the heck is waiting for us here, NO.’  
’I don’t think you want to spend your entire day here, Syle, and to be honest… me neither’– he explains but I’m still opposing. I saw the damn wound on his side yesterday and no stim could make him completely healthy within half a day. And well… I’m protective of him. So what then?!  
Luckily the little extra pack on the back of my jedi beeps in my defense, surprisingly.  
’Come on, BD, we had worse. And, we’ll be together so you still can save me…’  
’So you don’t trust me to save your ass but the droid can?’– I snap at him half-offended. BD-1 notes that I’m stupid which is much more like him.   
I turn my back to Cal for some seconds, looking around for a staircase while the heat of my disappointment is still burning down my spine. Then I sense a ghost of a touch on my elbow and when I glance over my shoulder I find the boy pretty close, almost pressing into my side.  
’Hey’ – he talks softly, quietly and somehow manages to bring some romantic excitement into this hellhouse. My hurt is slowly melting away when I feel his fingers touching my neck and his breath against my chin.– ’Calm down… The faster we get through this the earlier we can return to the ship… together’– He whispers into my lips, eyes falling shut as our temples touch. My heart starts racing though I didn’t intend to let him through my walls today, but fuck it. Like I could resist.– ’Then we finish the mission and are free to go wherever you want to.’  
’Are you asking me out on a date, Cal Kestis?’– I grin at him, opening my lids before our lips could meet. He blinks at me lazily, his usual blush replaced by a smug smirk.  
’Sure I am… what do you say?’  
Okay, one little distraction can’t hurt, right? I slam our lips together as an answer, grabbing at his shoulders to keep him close. It’s soft and sweet and passionate and hurried at the same time, and unfortunately, very short.   
For some seconds we keep the deep eye contact, catching our breaths. Cal then nods, indicating that we should really go but another thing pops up in his mind.   
'We need to ask Cere to watch the entrance. He could escape while we keep looking.'   
’You sure that he hasn’t already?’ – I share one of my fearful suspicions with him but he shakes his head.  
’I can feel it. He’s close.’  
Eh, looks like the Force is not on my side today since I can’t feel any freaking thing but the smell of this place.

So, this is how I end up here, on the 9th floor of this rubbishtower, alone. And I'm not actually saying it's gotten much worse on the way up because there was no real potential to get worse. But, as a personal thought, I would detest to spend even a whole hour here, let alone, every night. Guh. I have a recurring idea that keeps nagging the back of my mind: I am not 100% sure that the traitor isn't setting us up, again. I only can hope now, that stormtroopers care about their white shiny armors enough to avoid this place.   
There is another disturbing occurance as well. The motel is empty. Not just underpopulated, it's as dead as it could get with not a single soul around. With every passing minute I sense the oddity more and more. Fuck Cal’s damn plans to get separated. I raise my hand to my face to reach the jedi through the comm speaker, a slight worry shaking up my being.   
'Hey, you okay there?'   
For a long moment I hear no reply and I have to remind myself to stay the fuck calm and do not run 8 floors down to save my boy from whatever might threaten him there. Then, I hear panting and it startles me. – 'Cal?! Talk to me'   
And at last he does.   
'Hah. Sorry. I was attacked by two rats.'   
I can still hear his laboured breathing and for a moment I don't get it.   
'Ya mean, normal sized... Rats? Like, smaller than your forearm?' - It comes out a little as mockery, though I'm trying my best to take him seriously.   
'I don't like them, okay?! They bite!' - his voice is so much higher than usually and I can't stop the laugh. –'Very funny...'   
'Sorry, man...! Eh.. Umm, did ya find any other life forms around there?'   
'No, nothing.’  
’Sure it was this motel?'   
'Yes, I still can feel his presence but it’s kind of odd. Feels like we were not getting any closer to him.’  
’I've been to 5 rooms already, doors were open and no-one was inside. It’s empty in a creepy way. I don’t get it. I can’t even see rats.'   
'Lucky you' –he growls.  
'Alright, I'll keep looking. Tell me if anything weird happens.'   
'Okay'   
'Or... Tell me if ya miss me. If ya can't stop thinking of me sprawled over that old couch at the reception where I know you wanted to get me after that kiss.’ –I joke.  
’Umm, well THIS is weird. Have you seen that couch? Ugh’– I grin as he expresses his disgust for the surroundings but still continues to make it clear –’But… I do keep thinking about you…’  
’Ehh, alright, stop ya charmer before the little droid pukes on your back.’  
I hear his throaty laugh before our connection breaks and we go on with our search.  
As he leaves me alone with my thoughts I suddenly don’t even want to get through with this task. A flash of a memory strikes my brain, remembering the moment Yastel pressed me up against that tree on Naboo. My stomach does a dangerous flip but if I throw up I might just bring a fresh color to the dirty rug in the hallway. When I open the next door I already know he isn’t going to be on this floor. I hesitate some seconds, inhaling deeply before I remember my mission and that gives me the kick I need. The rebels are counting on me. Hiren’s people. I need to help them.  
As soon as I reach the 8th floor, a familiar wave of energy washes over me. Holy shit, he is here. What Cal could feel from the freaking entrance of the building I am only starting to sense now. Clearly it wasn’t only my lost hand that prevented me from becoming a full jedi. Huh.  
I feel my legs start to shake as I move and every cell in my body is screaming at me to leave. This floor is the exact copy of the highest where I just came from. Except that most of the doors are locked.  
I honestly don't mean to vandalize, not even a place like this. I simply take my lockpick tool out of my pocket and click the lock on the nearest door. I can't fuck up now because deep down I know I will find him here somewhere. I feel it.   
The first one looks a little tidier than the rooms upstairs, but is almost equally empty except for a huge black suitcase under the unused bed. Since I'm not completely new to crime (uh, smuggling... Guh!) I decide to rather leave it under there untouched after I make sure the room does not belong to Yastel. It seems kind of weird how freaking tidy it is for the whole motel’s setting and no other personal belongings are left around. If I had to guess I would say the case contained money for someone who should have come for it but never made it to the motel. A ransom? Or just an unofficial business? Whatever. It surely isn’t Yastel. That tingly pull is not even that strong here than in the hallway was.   
If Yastel is still somewhat like the person I knew him as, I'm sure he would carry some sentimental shit with him to make the accomodation feel cozy. He can’t sleep in isolated, cold places. He even has his pillow that he carries everywhere because he can't stand flat surfaces to sleep on...   
Uhh, fuck me! Why do I remember crap like that? I'm not exactly here to dwell on the freaking cute heartwarming memories of him! He stole my pendant and I'm going to kick his ass! Yeah. That's more like it.   
I try the next room that is pretty freaking empty too, and this one, completely. It's not even locked, and with every passing second I feel less and less of that Force-nausea that I should be feeling when getting closer to Yastel. I’m running out of my patience when I hear the sweet freckled boy’s pleasant raspy tone from my comm speaker.  
’Find anything?’– he asks expectantly.  
BD is beeping something in the background.  
’No, not yet. What is the droid on about?’  
’I guess he repaired the elevator. I’m going there to meet you, I can feel the bounty hunter’s presence stronger as I’m moving up the floors. He might be close to you so be careful.’  
’Sure. I’m on the 8th’ – I announce with a sense of relief. At least I won’t have to worry about him anymore. And what he said about Yastel? Well, I am not afraid of him at all. If he wanted to kill me he could have done it already. It is him who has to fear us now.  
I decide to get closer to the elevator after Cal falls silent, so I move to the end of the hallway. Suddenly at the last door the rush floods me again. I stop in my tracks, feeling, KNOWING that behind that exact door there is going to be… him.   
For a long second I sand there, just staring, numb. It’s almost ridiculous how all that shit I tried to push down all day is coming back hitting me in the feels. Yastel, my friend. My first love. The blonde one with the flashy grin, the always confident charmer… Who I learned every basic trick from with my lightsaber… The one who always had my back whatever happened. Until he didn’t. The one, who… killed all those people and destroyed everything in rage. The one who sold his soul to the Empire. The fucking traitor who chased after us for weeks and attacked us many times when he surely KNEW, he must have known it was ME. And, he hurt Cal. My Cal Kestis. He made him suffer… So now what I want the most is to break that door open and kill the bastard!  
I work myself up pretty quickly but a slight voice in my head convinces me to wait a little. Just until Cal gets here. He would be the good guy from the two of us, pulling me back before I’d lose my mind. But where is he? The elevator ride should not take this long for sure. I walk up to the thing and it doesn’t show anything.

’Cal?’– I talk through the comm but no answer comes. –’Hey, Cal? BD?’– I try again, still, no reply. Uh, shoot. Can he be trapped? How? The Force is clearly buzzing in the room close to me. Yastel can’t just be at two places at the same time. This is getting very weird and it drives me nuts so I don’t wait any longer. I take my lightsaber and grip the doorhandle with determination.   
It’s unlocked. I could even march inside but I choose to stay quiet for the sake of surprise. As I enter, I instantly know that Yastel Krinn indeed was here. The half-lit place is littered with his clothes, books, different kinds of tools, keys and weapon-parts. I step closer, right next to the unmade bed, clearly used and I take in the sight with a shaky breath. The lightsaber shuts off in my hand almost involuntarily. He is not here any longer. How could I feel his presence so strongly if he already left? I don’t get it, but I still could find what I came for so I don’t want to waste any more time.   
Beside the balcony door there is a small desk with a holo-projector on it which could be helpful. As I scroll through it, I find the contract for the room which he rented for quite some time as it seems, the fake IDs and official papers he uses to get past every freaking border… and a sketch drawing of probably a bridge somewhere that I can’t recognize. And one more thing. Between all the important crap I find a small file, a photo that was taken a long time ago. I know because… I’m on it. When we were fooling around at night behind the training tower on Coruscant. I was 14 and he was almost 16. He took a picture of me with both of our lightsabers as I held them in an X shape in front of myself. He saved the photo for himself and wanted me to have one of him too but then Master Fren-Wal came and we needed to flee.  
I can’t believe he kept it… 

’You really thought I would forget, didn’t you?’ – I am not sure if I imagine his sharp voice or he really is behind me but my hand automatically switches the lightsaber back on. My stunned expression flattens out to be an angry frown again.

’I hope you just kept it to bug me… I’d hate to break your heart into tiny little pieces. Oh, wait… No I think I’ll actually enjoy it’– I spit the words before I spin around to face him.   
And there he is. Yastel Krinn, and the moment I wanted to avoid thinking about. And he isn’t nearly as threatening now as I anticipated. He looks rather… wrecked, worn-out and sick. Good, then. It will be easier this way.  
I step up to him directly, as he stands at the foot of his bed. He doesn’t have a weapon with him at the moment but it doesn’t mean anything. He was always good with the Force. So I need to be quick and ruthless. I raise the saber, close to his head so he slightly tilts it away. He is watching me and my lips twitch, pressed tightly together as tension rises.

’You know that the tone of your talk is actually not even yours, Syle. It’s mine. You are speaking exactly like me…’

’WHERE IS THE MAP?!’ – I can’t stop myself from barking at him.

’Ah’ – he widens his eyes and a slight smirk appears on his pale face. It makes my fingers twitch on the grip, wanting to strike so badly. –’So this is why you are here. And naive me, I thought you’ve been missing me.’

’Don’t fucking flatter yourself’ – I swallow with disgust. –’I’m here to kill you. But first you are giving me back what you stole from me.’

’To kill me? What would your little friend say to that? The pure golden jedi boy, you know, the redhead. Huh? I bet he’d not appreciate that. I bet you want to make him proud, right? Your Cal Kestis…’

And that is it. I freaking can’t hold it any longer. With the quickest move I put the lightsaber away and with the same motion I turn back to punch that fucker in the face as hard as I need to, to take all my frustration he’s been causing me these days.   
The guy flies over the bed and hits the floor on the other side. I take some heaving breaths and don’t even feel how bad I hurt my knuckles with the hard contact. Yastel slowly crawls up onto the bed and tries to get up, his lower lip bleeding. It’s strange that he didn’t even try to fight back, and a part of me wonders why. What would he have in store for me now?

’So, it’s true then. Ugh’– he spits out some blood on the floor as he straightens. –’He is important to you. That’s where the rage is coming from…?’

’You really think I’m here to fucking talk? No. Spill the location. Now’ –I take my saber again, pointing it at his temple, and I only need to move a little to cut through that skinny face of his. And of course, this is the point when Cal needs to arrive. Well, thank goodness for him, but… ya know.

’Syle, don’t!’  
I roll my eyes and still hold the weapon forward, Yastel’s yellow eyes boring into me, not even blinking at the jedi at the door.

’I’m getting the pendant back now. This shithead is going to tell me where it is’– I take a step closer to the bounty hunter. Because that is all I see now. He is nothing to me. I make sure he feels that from my stare. How easily I could kill him right now.

’I… would love to tell you where it is. But I don’t actually know’– he finally admits. I can’t believe a word of that.

’BULL. SHIT’– I growl furiously, the yellow laser blade of my weapon moving, getting close to his neck again. 

’Syle, please’– I hear Cal’s voice who sounds almost begging.

’Why would I let him live if he is no use to us?’

’Because I can help you find it’ – Yastel finally blurts it, the closeness of the saber leaving a red mark on his pale skin. –’I know who has it right now, and, where they are taking it.’

For a moment I try to breathe, feeling Cal’s eyes on my scalp. But I have no trust at all in the greyish blue pair in front of me.

’Why would we even consider believing you?’

’You can take me hostage. Tie me up and all the good stuff… You can kill me if I’m lying. Just… try me.’

Oh, there he is. The master manipulator pulls the guilty look, I have seen it many times during our training. Do you know how many times Yastel got away with his tricks and mischief? Always. He could wrap the whole academy around his finger. Once he had that effect on me too, but that ship has sailed damn far away. 

’No’ – I simply say – ’Tell us now or die.’

’Why would you help us anyway after everything that happened?’– I hear my companion’s worked-up voice coming from behind me. I can feel Cal’s distress, how much he wants to hook a punch in Yastel’s face, but I also feel how he is holding back. This guy is a fucking stone wall. A real jedi.

’A man makes mistakes. I didn’t know you were alive, Syle. I swear. I didn’t recognize you earlier. You’ve changed quite a lot, okay? You have become tall and fit, and… I only took a job and wanted to get through with it. You know how I am… I always complete my missions.’ – he chuckles painfully, not sure if that is an act or the tears are sparkling in his eyes because of the torn lip. But it surely is not caused by regret. –’I was in shock after I found out about you. I gave the pendant to a transporter to avoid having to meet the Empire myself. They would know I spared you… that I never could kill you, ever.’  
Tears falling. I remind myself that it’s only bullshit but my chest is burning. I hope Cal is so focused on himself that he can’t feel me struggling. I ball my hand into a fist, the other still gripping the lightsaber, but the distance has grown between the laser and the guy’s skin.   
Uhh, fuck. He is lying, right?  
’You know that, Syle.’ – why does he have to call my name, damn it?!

’I don’t know anything about you.’  
’You know how strong I am now. I could escape if I wanted to. But I’m not going to. I wanna help you get it back, to correct my mistake. Please.’

I shake my head. This is not good.

’So, you aren’t loyal to the Empire?’– Cal interrupts again. Nice that somebody still knows how to think here.

’I need money to eat. I take jobs that I get. Beggars can’t be choosers, right?’

’We always have a choice…’ – Cal notes almost in a whisper.

’Yes, I know you are a pure soul. I am not. And most people are not like you, Cal. But I want to do something good. Give me a chance’

But jedi should be like Cal. This guy is no jedi. And guess what? I am not either. I just stand there in defeat, my lightsaber switched off now and hanging between my fingers, me not being able to move. Then Cal steps up to me and I jolt when I feel his soft touch on my left shoulder. I hear him sigh, leaning closer.

’Hey. This might be our only chance right now.’ – he whispers into my ear. I know he is right, but my mind is still fighting the possibility. I don’t want to be near this person on the Mantis. Tied up or else.  
When Yastel’s bruised lips twitch up into an ugly smirk, Cal’s soft expression hardens though, and he says: –’But it does not mean you are getting to choose the way you will be taken. BD?’ – Cal turns to the droid who slips off of his back to hand him a strange purple stim. Cal doesn’t hesitate to stab Yastel’s chest with it and as soon as the liquid is injected into him, the tall blonde falls back down on the bed unconsciously.   
I take a curious look at the redhead beside me and he throws me a smirk. 

’Let’s get back now, Cere must be worried’ – Cal suggests. 

’Oh, that’s probably nothing compared the grumpy Captain’s frustrations...’ – I shrug and we lift the guy easier than I expected.

As we leave the motel and the Mantis is just a couple of meters away the adrenaline shock is starting to leave me and the thought occurs to me.

’So what the hell took you so long and why didn’t you answer me?’

’The elevator stopped on the 5th and we needed to climb. I stepped on my comm’ – Cal shows me the broken speaker.  
’You almost gave me a heart attack, you know that?’– I blink at him with wide eyes, my voice weak and honest.

’Sorry… I hope I can make it up to you soon.’ – Cal says with a soft smile that indicates rather a romantic dinner than sex, but hell, it does give me back my capability to look forward to something again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Syle finally reaches deep down to fight his demons. Cal is right beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :)
> 
> Sorry for being this late, life tried to get in my way but I told them to f* off.
> 
> This chapter is looong. Or did it seem long just for me? HUH. 
> 
> You guys need to know that this is the angstiest shit I've ever written and it hurts but Syle needs to hurt because that's how he grows. I guess.  
> I really hope you find it interesting though, because I suffered with it. A lot. :D 
> 
> And I'm still not sure I did okay, with all these emotions. From this point it is endgame, but that means more chapters to go still.  
> But endgame means smut is on the way, so please please bear with me and forgive me for my attempt at a very slow burn. 
> 
> And yes, it is cheesy, filled with love and I freaking love them in love. Sorry, not sorry! 
> 
> Uh. Have... Fun? Well, something like that.

’Is he dead?!’ - Greez hurries to the couch where we laid him. 

’Sedated’- Cal says half-heartedly, not really paying attention to the captain’s worries. 

’And bloody why did you have to bring him here?!’ 

’What's happening?’ – we can hear Cere coming out of one of the rooms, her clothing is tainted by dried blood at her arm. 

’Kids brought a bounty hunter on my ship…’ –Greez starts to complain, and the look on Cere’s face suddenly gives me the nudge to quickly drop in the explanation.

’He said he knows how to get the map back’ – And although it is the truth as it happened, I, myself find it very unlikely that Yastel wasn’t lying to us.

’What happened to you?’ – Cal steps closer to his master, asking the question that has been lingering in the back of my mind too since I noticed. 

’Criminals happened. Like this one here!’ – Greez reacts instead of her, putting a smart remark to it stubbornly. And for once, I guess I agree with him. But what criminals?

’Just some beggars attacked the ship. I wanted to resolve it peacefully but it earned me a cut. Nothing to be worried about. It’s almost healed already.’ –the jedi master tells us calmly. 

’Sure? And they didn’t take anything?’ - I question and she shakes her head, focusing on the extra passenger we brought, eyeing him. 

’We should probably go then.’ – Cal advises with a heavy sigh. 

’Only if you take this one off my ship.’– says Greez with his most persistent facial expression. 

’I will tie his hands’– Cal kind of offers while he already is carrying out the plan. 

’You know it won't matter much, right? He uses the damn Force!’ – says the Cap, and again, fair point.

’We will take turns watching over him.’ – Cere seems to be siding with Cal on the topic. –’If there is a chance to get it back before the Empire gets their hands on it, we have to try. There are three Force-users beside him here, Captain… What did he say about the map?’  
We tell Cere everything we know, setting Yastel down in my cabin because obviously we can't all sleep at the same time now that we have to check on the captive. As we stand above the bastard’s slumbering form I wonder how big of a mistake we are making. These people think they can handle Yastel Krinn? Because I saw him finish off a whole shipful of people, grinning while doing so. I inhale shakily, then take a glance at Cal who looks beyond exhausted, leaning against my desk. As a moment of silence downs upon us I step up to him. 

’Hey, ya feeling alright?’

’Yeah. Just...’– his tired eyes dart down for a moment and I follow them, noticing the slight crimson taint above his waistline. The wound...! 

’Fuck, you're bleeding!’

’It re-opened when we were carrying him. Doesn’t hurt much though, I’m just a little drained.’  
I suddenly feel anger buzzing through my core as we walk over into Cal’s room to take care of his wound. The one that this very freaking bounty hunter gave him. I was so stupid to let him win his ticket to the Mantis. Cere has promised to keep an eye on him now but that is not nearly enough. Not that I don’t trust the woman’s ability to stop him, but because the mere presence of him is tearing my mind apart and I’m losing my sanity.  
Cal notices as he takes a seat at the edge of his bed. BD rolls over to us, providing him a stim without even having to ask while I’m looking for the gel.  
’Don’t bother with that, this will be enough. Just inject me?’– Cal talks to me slowly, wanting his peaceful voice to soothe the tension inside me. It does to some extent, but nothing could properly calm me when I just KNOW I’m about to let another mistake happen. I take the stim from his warm hand and pull up his clothing to reveal the injury. It’s not so bad anymore, actually looks like a simple surface wound and the bleeding has already stopped too. But I still can see the shape of the blade Yastel Krinn stabbed Cal with, and the idea twists my stomach to the point where I need to inhale deeply to avoid throwing up. As I pull back from him though, the stim slips from between my fingers, landing on the hard floor and it breaks, letting the liquid medicine out, going to waste.

’Uh, FUCKING GREAT!’– I roll back on my ass and hug my knees, sitting in front of the jedi, my eyes glued to the broken glass parts. I’m just falling apart I guess.

’Boboop beedoot’– the droid suggests that maybe Cal should carry out the task this time and I completely agree, burying my face into my palms in frustration. 

’Sorry…’ –I groan.

’Hey’ – I knew it, it was just a matter of time until he scoots down on his knees to comfort me. What the hell did I do to deserve the attention of a man like him? I’m just making the worst decisions one after another…  
Now that I’m feeling his fingers lifting my chin to force me into a deep eye contact, I’m feeling more vulnerable than ever. As I look at him, his fingers slide over to caress the side of my neck softly. The touch feels slightly ticklish and absolutely reassuring, lovely. –’Are you okay?’

’No, not really’ – I shake my head, fighting the sudden urge to shed a tear, but I swallow it all down with a gulp. –’We should leave him. This is not gonna end well. He doesn’t deserve a second chance!’

’We are not giving him a chance, Syle. We are just gripping what we have at the moment. Once the map is retrieved or at least located, we will part our ways from him and never meet him again, if that gives you peace.’

’That gives me peace?! Cal, he almost killed you! Are you forgetting that?’

’No, never forgetting. But we need to stay focused.’

’Well, I can’t be focused as long as he is breathing the same fucking air as you do! I want to kill him if I think about that moment on Naboo…’ – I trail off, realizing that the tools on Cal’s desk are slightly risen above the surface, shakily floating in the air. Right when I notice, they fall back on the desk with a clatter. Am I at the point of screwing with the Force again unintentionally…? Now I am left panting and my pulse is racing in my ears.  
For a moment Cal is deep in his thoughts, before he stands and nods towards his bed.

’Come here’ – and he takes the next stim BD offers and casually just stabs his own stomach with it, wincing hard, then he crawls up on the bed and pats the mattress beside him.  
I am upset and confused and not sure I want to do anything that involves ethical decisions. Doing anything naughty with him would be the worst of my decisions I could make right now, but I still find myself automathically following him, lying on my back next to him on the hard mattress.  
He is on his side, watching me, his rebel locks falling into his face and as I turn my head to look at him I find him breathtaking. I feel his arm around my waist, pulling me closer and he leans in then, slowly pressing his sweet lips against mine.  
The kiss is not heated or lust-filled this time. It is not something to make my body shake, it makes my continuous shaking come to an end. I drape my arm over his below my ribs, stroking my gloved hand over his arm. I have never before wished so hard I still had my right hand, to be able to feel more of his skin with my own. But the moment is nonetheless, perfect.  
We don’t say a word, and my eyelids feel heavier by the second so it’s not that much of a surprise that we drift off into a pleasant slumber together. Some time later, not sure how long though, I feel the body next to me jolt and move, which wakes me too.  
As I open my eyes at him, Cal looks a little bit alarmed, sitting there.

’What happened?’ –I ask him immediately, the sleep-daze leaving my head.

’I just… I think he’s awake.’ – Cal informs me. –’He is conscious, I can feel it.’

’For how long did we…’– I get up, and feel a lot more put together than I did before our cuddly relaxation.

’An hour, maybe two?’  
’Deet, boopbee, fweep’– BD, who probably has been watching us the whole time (not creepy at all!) announces that we’ve been sleeping for ninety two minutes and… I can’t translate the seconds because I’m not that good at understanding numbers in droid, uh, sorry.

As much as Cal has calmed my shit, I still don’t feel like having to face that man again, but it seems even a worse idea to let Cal do it. As for kicking him off the ship, the possibility is not reachable anymore because we are in space. Not sure how Greez was convinced about that.  
I ask Cal to make some lunch for me (to avoid having them face to face if not necessary), rushing into my room, and I see Cere standing at the wall, arms folded. The bounty hunter looks up at me from where he is sitting, at the foot of my bed.

’Hello, old Friend’ – I hear him say in a rather delighted manner and I try to ignore him altogether just as I’m fighting to will the flaring anger in my chest away. I focus on the jedi master, addressing my question to her directly.

’Could you find out the location of the map?’

’Yes, we are heading to the given coordinates’– she nods and a slight pang of relief floods me at the words. Of course, it still could be a trap and he could bring the whole Empire upon our necks, so I’m not letting myself sink into the idea of winning much. –’Could you stay for some time? I need to talk to Cal.’ –Cere asks and I nod in agreement.  
’If you want to eat, Cal is making something’– I tell her before she disappears through the door, but I regret mentioning him as soon as my gaze finds that smiling bastard. My palm itches with the need to punch him again.

’Domestic much? He is cooking…?’– Yastel grins shamelessly, his voice honey-glazed and so fake. –’Can I have a taste? I… mean, of his cooking. I’m getting quite…’

’SHUT the fuck UP.’ – I interrupt him fiercely, not yelling but close. The wanker’s smile seems even brighter at that.

’You are seriously into him. So protective… I never heard you being so protective of me, Syliah.’  
Hooooly crap, is he really using my whole name? I roll my eyes so hard it almost hurts. 

’Yeah, probably there is a reason for that’– I articulate heavily hissing the words and he drops his jaw, fake-offended. How do I know it’s fake? Because I believe nothing when it comes to Yastel anymore.

’Why are you so mean to me, Syle? I told you everything. And I’m keeping my promise too’ – he switches, pulling his advanced acting skills to show some serious emotion and guilt. I step up close to his form, towering over him –which is quite a satisfaction, I never had it before because of our height differences.

’Yeah. About that… I hope you know that if you are trying anything… If I catch you lying about the coordinates and you lead us into a trap… Whatever is waiting for us at that location, no matter how big, how powerful, how quickly it can kill us… I will take you out first. Without hesitation. Just so you know it.’  
And then, for a brief second I think I see a real feeling cross his face, his eyes widening in shock before the mask slides back into place and he starts smiling.

’You’ve grown up. You have adjusted to this cold world of ours so well. I’m proud of you.’ – he starts to let his eyes wander over my body and I find it rather intrusive from a close distance like this, so I retreat to the spot where Cere stood before I came in.  
I notice his eyes settle on my feet as I stop, turning back to watch him, when he says: –’How is your leg? I hope I didn’t cause much pain…’  
The guy is gravely pushing his luck. Is it wise to mention to your captor the shit you have committed against them?

’Do you really wish to get hit again?’ – I can’t stop myself from asking. But that doesn’t really stop him from continuing either.

’If I knew it was you, I would have taken you to our cave instead, for a little nostalgia.’– His eyes light up while talking, slightly reminding me of the Yastel I knew. The one I got stuck in the cave with.  
I don’t want to remember it. But a vague scene pops up in my mind.

6 YEARS AGO  
’Are you cold?’– he asked me, and I hardly could see anything in the darkness apart from Yastel’s flashy bluish grey eyes. I was visibly shaking so there was no use denying it.

’Yeah, I’m freezing’ – immediately as I said it, I heard movement beside me before I felt another layer of clothing cover my shoulders.

’Better?’ –he asked, and now that I looked up he felt so much closer. I could even sense his body heat next to my shaking form. His voice sounded deeper too. My heart did the weirdest leap and I surely blushed but thank goodness he couldn’t see it in the dark. Wouldn’t stop bickering me with it if he did.  
’Uhhuh’– I answered quietly, trying to take deep breaths to get my pulse under control again. Then I felt a soft touch on the back of my left hand, two fingers slowly rising to caress my arm, and it sent a shiver up me. I was panting by the time I felt him shift closer and I didn’t hesitate for a moment to push my lips against his when I realized he was about to just do that.  
It wasn’t our first kiss. But it was the first time I thought I was in love.  
****** 

’I keep thinking about that night, in the cave. I know it crossed your mind too, it must have, on Dantooine. You might be thinking about it right now, huh?’

That’s it. I can’t hold back anymore, I have tried, but this is it. I take some heavy steps to close the distance between us, but before I could do anything, the door slides open and Cal is standing there with two plates of something that smells actually quite nice.  
My head drops and I scratch the back of my neck in embarrassment, because I know Cal has seen my intentions. I’m not really hungry, but I take the plate from his hand. 

’Cere wants to talk to you’ – Cal says quietly and I shake my head at once. 

’No, I’m staying.’

’She seemed determined… Just give her some minutes. I’ll be alright.’

’Don’t worry. Not gonna eat your lover. I’m not THAT hungry… yet.’– the blonde intruded with his talk, trying still to come off as a cool guy. 

’Remember what I said. I will NOT hesitate.’ – I leave with the hardest feelings pushing at my chest. Cere is in the cockpit while Greez is surprisingly not there. I approach her and she sits me down on the seat usually Cal takes beside Greez when landing. 

’You called? Because I need to get back.’

’Yes. Listen, and listen now carefully. I want you to stay out here. Don’t talk to him. Don’t listen to him. And definitely don’t get in a fight with him.’

’What?! But you said…’

’I say we can make use of what he tells us, but this situation is dangerous enough. And you are a possible threat now too.’

’I’m sorry, but… what the fuck are you talking about, Cere?!’

’Give me your wrist.’ – she takes it right after asking, not really waiting for my response. She places her fingers against my pulse, raising a brow knowingly.

’THIS is what I’m talking about. Your anxiety makes you unstable. Jedi can not put themselves through anything like this. And Cal told me you accidentally used the Force again.’

’Uhh! Why did he…? It was just a slight wave…’

’A slight wave can turn into something bigger, and can cause problems, Syle. I want you to stay here. We are going to watch over him until we arrive at the location.’ – Cere then just walks away, leaving me there with nothing.

’So what am I supposed to do?!’

’Meditate. Focus. Pull yourself together.’ 

I try to do as she instructed, though I’m not at all happy about the plan. But at least she is in there with Cal, while I am sitting in my lovely jedi’s bed, trying to focus my energies but getting distracted again and again. I can’t even begin to imagine what that shitface might tell Cal and how he acts around him. Hours go by and I just sit there, doing nothing.

’Huuuhhhgh’ – I take a calming breath and open my eyes to see the little droid again, in front of me. –’Hi, BD. Hope you are having a better day than I do.’  
The little creature boops a question I don’t understand. –’Sorry but I don’t get it. Can you say it differently?’  
The next beeps mean fear, jedi, bounty hunter, pain.

’Uh… you are asking if I’m afraid of Yastel? That he is gonna hurt me? No, I’m not.’

’Beeeep’ – BD protests. This was not what he meant. He repeats the word ’jedi’ and adds ’red’. Oh, Cal!

’You asking if I’m afraid that Yastel will hurt Cal again?’ – yeah this will be it. –’You are smarter than you look, ya know?’ – the little guy gives an offended boop. –’Hey, no need to get so sensitive. This was a compliment… And… yeah. I am afraid. Can you keep a secret?’ – my voice drops to a quiet whisper. BD rolls closer like he had an ear and beeps a ’yes’. – ’Cal is the most important thing in my life... I don’t think I’d survive if anything bad happened to him. I won’t let this bastard put even a finger on him, ever. He needs to kill me first’ – I sigh as the words make the realization kick in. Yeah, I definitely think I’m in love with the redhead.

BD gets over my cheesy confession with a simple ’I know’. 

’Seriously, man? I am pouring my heart out to you and you just shrug?! Fuck me if I’ll tell you anything ever again.’ –I cross my arms in front of my chest and turn away with a slight smirk. Then I hear him say something I would not expect from a machine at all. BD tells me to calm down because Cal needs me like I need him. And he is right. I've been acting so selfishly, while this is difficult for all of us. If I can't get myshit together for myself, I need to do it for him.  
After the silly talk with Cal's little buddy I feel surprisingly calmer again. Maybe it's the company, maybe it's the place where only pleasant bonding memories did I gather before.  
So I use that deep grounding to reconnect to myself, my energies... And the Force.  
As the little smarty pointed out, Cal is depending on me now. It's hard to comprehend that a chill and fully committed jedi like him is affected by my shitshows, but he definitely is. I felt it slightly, buzzing beneath the surface all day, and other times when I was out of my mind, too. So now I let myself feed on the positive memories, the ones worth remembering.  
Then he announces that we are getting close to the coordinates.  
I don’t waste any time before I head out to the cockpit, where Greez is now seated, and I notice we already left hyper space. I silently slide onto the seat next to him.

’Hi Greez’ – I attempt to make a conversation, surprising even myself.

’There goes my peace and quiet’ – he reacts, and I nod with acknowledgement.

’You’re pissed about the guy, right? I get it, believe me.’

’But I own no bloody lightsaber to cut him. You do, Kid.’

’And I will the moment he even blinks funny, I promise. But we could check this planet he mentioned first’ – I try to reach a middle ground with the captain here. This is the best I can do. –’Use him before we get rid of him, huh?’

’What planet are you talking about? The coordinates point to that republican wrecked ship from the clone wars, there.’ – one of Greez’s hands is reaching up to point at a little dot in the distance, then he adjusts the screen of a monitor for me to see the ship as the radars keep perceiving information about it.  
It’s a smaller type. The last time I saw one of these, I was 15 and lost everything that was close to my heart. It was the one we parked at Vrogas Vas right before our clone troopers started carrying out the fatal plan of the Empire. As we got closer to the floating ruin and I could see the state of it, I already knew this was not going to be easy to step on board. But… why did Yastel bring us here? Why would a transporter of the Empire hide an important rebel tool on a long lost ship in the middle of nowhere? The answer is: they wouldn’t.

I need to let them know it is a trap so I am about to break the promise I made to Cere, heading to my sleeping cabin where they keep Yastel with determined steps, but then the door opens and Cal is standing right in front of me, his slight surprise mirroring mine.I step up to him to say it.

’Listen, I really think it's a trap! I saw the location where the coordinates point. It’s not a planet, it’s a…’

’I know what it is.’ – Cal interrupts me, reaching for my arm. –’I was about to go and tell you. So come on’

Come on? How can he be so damn calm?! And how can he KNOW about it?  
Cal drags me by my wrist into his room, and as the door closes behind us, he looks up at me.  
’I know how you feel. I’ve been through that not so long ago. We all have our demons from the past. But you need to face them, it’s the only way to get over them, Syle.’ – Cal’s eyes bore so deep into me I feel weak. –’Trust me.’

’Of course I do, I trust you’ – I touch his arms, as these little affectionate gestures have been becoming parts of our general interaction. 

’Then let’s visit that wrecked ship then.’

Well. As much as I don’t believe anything Yastel states, I trust Cal, his instincts and intelligence to be able to judge with a clear mind if this location is worth taking a look at.  
After we make sure the life support system on the wreck is still working the Mantis connects to the ruin and the two of us, only Cal and I walk through the bridge on board. It’s a strangely nostalgic feeling, passing through the first section of the hallway. It looks just the same as I remember ours, the one that brought us to many places on many missions with Mori and Yastel, before everything else happened. There is no sign of an attack here, probably not yet. Cal walks so confidently beside me, standing tall like a tower of protection. His presence brings me peace, more so when our shoulders lightly brush or bump.  
I still feel myself starting to shake slightly as we reach the main hallway, only a gate separating us from the central hall – the area that will remind me of the worst scene I have ever seen in my life.  
Cal seems to just know it. Did Yastel tell him the story? I don’t want that to be the case. It must be nothing like I remember it. He doesn’t know shit. If he was aware, he wouldn’t have done it. But as a new shudder runs through me and my shoulders visibly jerk a little, Cal reaches up to rub my shoulder comfortingly and I instantly feel better.  
The metallic lock clicks, the old door shifts open with a shriek.  
I honestly didn’t know what to expect to see, and the sight that greets me is something I could not have been prepared for. The area itself is a complete mess, the walls, the tools and furniture deformed, parts of it broken, cut or destroyed. Random pieces of fuck knows what lie around, unused, torn, dead. I break the connection we have and take some steps forward, gulping at the sight of okd dried blood on the floor and weapons lying around. And when I look behind a cabinet that has fallen over, I see the most shocking of it all.  
There are helmets, gloves and personal items of probably those who died here, set up into separate piles, above some of them the symbol of the jedi academy is painted on the wall. It looks like some kind of a cemetery, a memorial place for clone troopers and… jedi.  
I can’t even bring myself to look up at Cal. I slightly feel his discomfort, but there are too many emotions running through me to acknowledge that. I walk along the line to take a look at everything, every helmet, every backpack, broken lightsaber or piece of clothing. I feel tears warming my face already, when I reach the last one, and notice one more, further away from all these others. I approach the pile curiously, but hesitantly. Somehow, I know it is going to hold a meaning to me. There is a brown jedi cloak folded up neatly, a broken holocron… and lightsaber. One with two white lines running along a black bumpy grip.  
I don’t even feel the ground hitting my knee as I fall, reaching for it desperately. Time stands still, and a flash of memory hits a very deep part of my mind.

ALMOST 8 YEARS AGO

I couldn’t stop looking at the lightsaber at her side as she talked. I barely heard the words through my own plagueing thoughts. She noticed and tilted her head, shaking me out of my distress.

’Did you hear me, Syle?’

’Uh, not really. I’m sorry Master Mori. I just…’ – I shrugged painfully. My gaze shifted from her, I felt embarrassed to show such weakness. Jedi should not be weak. But now I would never be a jedi, so whatever…

’Syle, look at me, please.’– her voice was so soft. You would never think she was such a skilled and strong fighter just upon hearing her voice. It’s like she was everyone’s mother, in a way. –’What are you so lost in?’

’Your lightsaber’ – I answered frankly. She immediately took it from her side and offered it for me to take in my hand. I did, feeling the bumps on the grip as I ran my fingers over them. I followed the two white lines that went all the way up on it, with my thumb. –’Beautiful…’ – I sighed, sadness washing over me again. –’Too bad I can never be a jedi knight now that I don’t have my right hand.’  
She knew it wasn’t actually about the lack of my hand that made the assembly make this decision of me. But Mori would never have said anything to put me down. 

’You know, this is not a good enough reason for you not to get your own lightsaber, Syle.’ – she smiled instead, leaning closer. –’It’s supposed to be a secret yet, so… keep it quiet please.’ – I nodded, paying attention with all of my cells because this HAD TO be great news. –’You may not become a jedi knight, but the assembly wants you to be trained as a sentinel. A jedi guardian.’  
I could not even begin to tell how happy she made me that afternoon. Surely she knew how to make the day of a kid who just had lost his hand…

*******

As I come back to my senses, the first thing I notice is my steadily rushing heartbeat, than the tight embrace I'm held in. The familiar scent also downs, as the sweet locks of my love caress the skin on my face. And I hardly can breathe through my sobs that make me clench every muscle on my upper body... I'm shaking and crying. I lean away for some air, and that breaks Cal out of his balance, opening his emerald eyes at me abruptly, still holding me with one arm, and the other... It is between us, his fingertips just letting go of Mori's saber that I'm still holding. I look down and up at him again. His eyes are filled with sadness and sympathy and I almost start sobbing again, but I inhale heavily instead, wiping at my wet face.  
Never knew I had it this deep… never knew it could ever crawl up to the surface.

’It’s… i-it’s Mori’s' – I stutter and he nods, his palm sliding up my arm comfortingly. 

'I know. I saw everything that happened here... When I touched it.'- he says with a heavy heart. 

'You did?' - my eyes widen as I realize that I never really found out how she died. I wasn't there when she got the blow, only saw her lifeless body, almost right... here. This is where all if my hatred for Yastel has been rooted all along. I saw him take down all the clone troopers that day, with the evil grin on his face, right after I discovered Mori dead on the ship. And afterwards he fired a heavy bomb not considering the destruction it caused and the civilians killed in the process. And then he just left with the half-wrecked ship, without even looking for me. I still remember the hollow pain and shock I was in. There was no doubt in my head he went mad. Later when I learned more about the purge I actually started to think he was sane enough, only a traitor who had been planning on turning against us. Well, most parts of the story can't be made right, not by anything... but now at least I will know if he really killed her. If I am right about him. 

’Yeah. Yeah, I did.’ – Cal smiles answering me softly but painfully, still close but letting my arm move to wipe away the remains of the ocean of tears on my face. I must have wet his clothes too.  
I know it's inevitable and he can see me staring at him obsessively, because I need to know. He is tensing and biting his lip uncomfortably while preparing mentally to speak.  
Let's hear it. 

'Cal? Will ya tell me or are you gonna bite your tongue off?' 

'Okay.' - He sinks back on his heels, eyes trailing off to the ground between us. He begins with a sigh and I wait in the hardest anticipation ever. - 'You weren't in the main hall when they received the order... And Mori, she was injured. She wasn't in the condition to fight back effectively.' 

'Wait... Injured? I didn't know that!'

'She had an infected wound on her leg. She was in a weak condition...' - For a swift moment he glances up to connect our eyes, knowing he is going to reveal something very important. -'A clone trooper killed her. Shot her in the stomach. She couldn't act fast enough.. .'

My heart drops upon hearing his words. So it was not Yastel Krinn... I'm not sure if I am supposed to feel relieved, or disappointed. Deep down I wanted it to be him now, after all these years. It was easier to put the blame on someone. I wish I was there. I wish I didn' t go over to the other side of the ship to stare at the old jedi temple while I thought they were dealing with a smuggler. I should have been there, and maybe I could have saved her. But where was actually Yastel then? Why didn't he do something? 

'Yastel was there?' 

Cal nods. 

'He saw the scene, and was attacked right afterwards. The trooper who killed master Mori left the ship to finish with the other sentinels and Yastel tried to follow him but had to go through the others still on board. He lost his own saber meanwhile so he used... this. By the time he got to follow him the fight turned into a bigger chaos because there were civilians on the market next to your ship. And Yastel called your name but there were many dead bodies and he figured you were among them. I... I think he lost his mind. He turned to the dark side, and killed most of the clones around the market. Then he spotted one more trooper on the other side of the place and he started chasing him with a rocket launcher. With only one shot he broke the front wall of the Inn, YOUR Inn... I think you know the rest. He escaped with the ship and later built this memorial place for them. - Cal's voice cracks as he finishes, and my heart is about to catapult through my throat.  
Yastel didn't kill Mori. He regrets slaying all those clones. This knowledge will not bring back any friendly feelings in me towards him, those times have long passed. And he still did plenty if things I could never agree with. But at least I know that it wasn't betrayal. Does it make my memories of the purge better? No. Does it cure my wrecked soul from the hatred and pushed down anger I've been feeling? Yes. And, some part of the guilt too. Yastel couldn't save Mori and he was right there. He has always been a better fighter than me. I couldn't have done anything. 

'Holy shit...' - I hiss. My head feels dizzy but a heavy weight seems to be lifting from my chest. - 'Thank you for telling me...' - I mutter dimly, with all these emotions flowing within me. I attempt to get up but my feet are giving out so I crawl over, closer to Cal and press our foreheads together, my hands planted on both sides of his body. 

'I'm so sorry I didn't warn you we were coming here...'- he adds whispering into my face with guilt pushing through his voice. - 'Cere told me it would be good for you if you saw it… I had to face my past too to go on…’

'Hey, I'm not mad at you. I'm grateful. ' - we share a sweet smile before he he keenly leans against me more firmly, almost making our lips meet.  
But still I have some unanswered questions in the back of my mind. 

'Hey, um... Why did Cere and you believe him in the first place? This could have been a trap' - When I vocalize that thought I see his smirk. 

'I knew you would ask that' - he says - 'And, we didn't. Cere asked Greez to scan the whole area for other possible ships around. And I got a new comm speaker, too, here' - Cal shows me the device secured to his wrist and I nod. - 'But now it seems like he is actually telling... the truth. Look, I'm not asking you to trust him or to get friendly with him because, huh like I' d want THAT' - Cal adds with an eye roll then turns serious - 'I just want you to calm down and come back to me. Since you know about him, you are a mess, Syle. I know it's been difficult, but I... I can't bear seeing you like this any longer...' -His soft gaze caresses over my cheeks as he blinks away the heavyness of his words. My lips are stretched in a wild grin as I process them, settling in the deepest corner of my heart. I feel a tingling, a special tingling all over my body and it's not the Force this time, it is something... even more instinctive. 'You might like dear old me quite a bit, huh, jedi boy?' He grins and leans very close, finally. 'I'd rather just say I love you, Sentinel.' - I can't even describe the way that coming kiss feels like when he slowlybut surely presses forward, but it sure as hell is my favourite one so far. What a day...! - I think, ending up grinning into his lips and feeling like a completely new man with a fresh start at life. Well, will be fresh after a freaking shower and a long sleep, but still. Then, we leave together, supporting eachother's exhausted forms. 'So what do you think? Are we able to work together for another day and a half with the guy? ' - he asks me about Yastel once we reach the bridge. 

'A day and a half?' 

'That's when the map is expected to arrive on Kessel.'  
Kessel is a miner planet, ruled and completely filled by stormtroopers. I've heard about it from smugglers back on Vrogas. So, we are absolutely and utterly fucked.

'One and a half day, huh? What would you do if we had that much left to live? Because, that's actually very likely… '


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jedi boys in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY, BEFORE I EVEN GREET YOU GUYS: THIS IS WHAT I WOULD CALL
> 
> SMUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> If you'd like to skip it, you can. The next chapter will absolutely make sense without this one. All you have to know about it is that Cal and Syle get closer during their night that they have to spend together in the same room and bed. 
> 
> Yes.
> 
> So, Hi Everyone :) 
> 
> Since I'm having school on Mondays I'm screwed with the new chapters, sorry for the delay. 
> 
> I've written like 7 versions of this scene and I am very nervous but at least I feel like it is time, and this is how I honestly imagined their first time doing... this, together. <3 
> 
> I really hope it won't disappoint you in any way. Yes I know, it is cheesy too, and romantic. But ya know, they are in LOVE :D 
> 
> So this is how I'm losing my chances at Disney, they will never hire me to write a series about Cal's adventures because I'd make it naughty :D 
> 
> But no problem. I have you Guys and this is all I need ;) 
> 
> Happy Reading ;) Have fun!

After the whole big scene I don't really feel like having a holo-chess party with Yastel yet still, but I don't mind giving him a tiny plate of the food I am cooking for the team already.   
Then, after a shower in total zombie-mode I am more than happy to crawl into the narrow bed beside my beloved jedi knight, and I'm out the minute my head hits the pillow he generously shares with me.   
Yes, I never suspected that I'd be such a bag of potatoes when spending our first night together in one bed. Surely I didn't expect this whole situation with the emotional rollercoaster either, but when does life ever work out the way you plan it? So, this could have been a very boring night indeed on my part if Cal didn't wake me in the middle of it with letting out a strangled groan very near my ear.   
As I awaken, my senses slowly switch on. I can't see much in the darkness of the cabin, but everything else feels hightened in exchange. For example, there is that pleasant weight of an arm curled around my waist, radiating heat and cradling me, giving me a sense of safety. I also feel the warmth of shallow, almost panting breaths hitting the back of my neck. This is a little less sweet and more of a hot and exciting discovery. I can’t help but think of his parted lips near my skin. Doesn’t fail to wake me a little more. But the way Cal has his chest pressed up against my back is the best feeling of them all. It’s like our hearts were pressed together, two halves making a whole. Oh, damn. When did I become such a cheesy bastard? I sorrowfully grin at my own thoughts, labeling myself as ridiculous.  
And then I feel the strange shift in the Force, something heavy and intense… But nothing threatening or warning. It’s just… strangely thrilling. I can’t really get around the feeling, though. So I pay my attention back on the jedi.  
Then I hear it again... The troubled exhale, that swipes across the side of my face and gives me goosebumps everywhere, followed by a wave of the Force rushing through me. I notice Cal shift then, crawling further away while he still has the arm around me. I decide to investigate. 

'Cal? You okay?' - I whisper, caringly stroking over his fingers that rest on my upper stomach. His muscles tense up at the touch. Something must be off. A bad dream maybe? He then sighs again shakily, slipping away from me to turn on his back with a quiet whimper. It's kinda weird and a sudden wave of fear washes over me upon realizing that I was so selfish yesterday, not even checking on his well-being after all those heavy moments. As the little droid said, everything affect Cal that is affecting me now.

'Hey...' - I crawl over, following him and I see he is still asleep, a sharp frown on his face and sweat forming at his temple. It's a nightmare, I guess. I gently place my palm on his side, instantly feeling his muscles twitch underneath his nightshirt. - 'Hey, wake up?' - I whisper in the dark, and try to lean over him to see his face better as my eyes have gotten somewhat used to the lack of light. My hand keeps rubbing him soothingly over his ribs, and all I notice is that he is shaking. -'Cal, talk to me, wake up' - I nudge his shoulder then, and it does the trick.   
His marvelous green eyes fly wide open, his temple straightening as he pants into the tiny space between us, getting back into reality. As my hand slides to his chest I feel how his heart is racing against my fingertips. Guh, no wonder I felt the Force-pull in my gut since he is so worked up like I've never seen him before. - 'It's okay. It was just a dream...' -I blink at him, and keep stroking his chest to will the nightmare away.   
His breathing slows as he nods slightly, eye contact still heavy, and his heart still pounding though. –'Better now?' - I ask, not noticing how close we are and in what position until he suddenly rises up, pushing his hungry lips unexpectedly and aggressively against mine. His tongue immediately enters and I feel his hands roam me, getting under my nightshirt to touch my sides and stomach needily. I need a moment to process all this, but there is no such thing that I’m not game. Not with Cal.  
It's like blowing up a fuel station, everything inside me seems to be burning within just one moment. My hand keeps drawing circles on his body, and I feel him lean into it, his back arching and him humming into my lips as I caress his side too. Fuck, I'm so done.   
I go on, sliding my hand lower, reaching his belly and that earns me the first real moan where our lips part. Seems like a loud echo in the darkness. I'm awfully proud so I keep touching that place right above his hipbone. He is breathing hard, eyes still glued to me, strong hands gripping my sides and as I take a quick glance at his body I can actually see the blanket below his waistline tented. Dear goodness, I officially am shaking. Our eyes meet again and bore deeply into eachother's, obvious desires on display... And then he looks down at my hand that has stopped and is resting at the hem of his nightshirt. I almost think I KNOW what is about to happen when something else does.  
Before I can like uh, blink twice, I find myself flying onto my back, landing hard against the thin mattress. I yelp as it kinda hurts a bit. When I realize what happened I can't help but chuckle disbelievingly. 

'Did you really just Force-push me on my back?!'   
Cal is above me, eyes wide in shock, looking panicky like he is just as surprised as me. His hair is also very cute, tousled and messy. It's damn hot. 

'I... Uh. You alright…?' – his voice is deeper and raspier than usually, but still caring and worried. 

'Don’t worry, I’m not made of glass. But master Cere would be thrilled to learn about your epic skills to sweep me off my feet.'- I joke and at that his concern turns into a tiny smirk.

'I wouldn't... say it was intentional... '- he admits shyly. 

'Hah! That means some training is due for you too' - I sit up with a satisfied grin, forcing our lower bodies together.

He has just been hovering over me, now he is slowly getting to straddle my lap. Woah, the contact... makes me shiver. He can see my eyes rolling back so I suddenly feel the urge to speak and hide the obvious effect he has on me.

'I liked it though… the push. Very… much' - I add shortly, my voice quite high even for my own liking. He smiles fondly and when the realisation strikes and he feels my uh... excitement under him, his eyebrows lift up. 

'I... Uh, I can tell' - he smirks then sheepishly, eyes halfway closed. Fuck, this is so naughty and so very good.   
But also, something else.  
He shifts closer as we both sit, and leans against my head with his, our temples meeting gently. His gasps are little puffs of air against my lips, I am itching to grab him but hold on because this is… too nice as we close our eyes and just… feel eachother.  
He then squirms some more, shifting and making me hiss from the contact, again.

’Uhm… sorry’ – he pulls that tempting lower lip between his teeth.

’You are totally NOT sorry, you little tease’– I grin, not being able to contain my instincts any longer, and I grip his hips, pulling him flush against me, very close. 

Cal’s arms slide around me instantly and he gives out a stunned whimper right into my ear. Now I can feel that tent too I mentioned earlier, and wow. I still can barely believe this is not a dream. If it is I’ll absolutely kill the person who wakes me too soon. I wait for him to move but it doesn’t really happen.

The redhead just keeps holding onto me as freaking tightly as he would for his life, so I lean away to actually check on him.  
’Hey… Are you okay? If this is not something you want…’– I begin but he interrupts, shaking his head violently while he tries to speak between pants and gulps.

’No, I want to, really! You have no idea… But uh, I… just… I’ve never…’

’It’s okay…’ – I stroke his cheek patiently, trying my hardest NOT to roll my hips against his warmth. Not the easiest plan to follow.– ’So you’re okay with this?’

’Yes. I’m just a bit… overwhelmed, I guess…’– from the smile he gives me I know he is blushing in embarrassment, so I give him a quick kiss on the mouth, just to make him feel loved.

’Hey. I won’t move. Control is yours. It’s okay, whatever you do… alright?’   
I can see it in his eyes that he understood my message. They light up beautifully as he nods, before he places the hands loosely around my neck again, moving his hips experimentally and my eyes go fucking cross with a silent groan. I hear the pretty noise that he makes too as he keeps going, getting more courageous by the second.

’Y-you like that?’–he carefully questions me between shallow breaths.

’Huhh, don’t you feel it?’– I allow myself a little naughtyness.

’Unnngh!’– his head falls forward on my shoulder and for a moment I think it’s over for him. ’It feels so… uhh, Syle, I’m…’– he gasps onto the skin under my ear and it sends a shudder through me. I turn my head to look at his blissed out face because it must be quite a sight, and it is.

’I know’ –I tell him, sliding my strong grip on his hips down to his thighs and back up while I keep rocking us. His expression is priceless when my hand slides back down, slightly touching his inner thighs.– ’Hot and burning, right?’– I tentatively caress his lower belly– ’…Here?’

’Uhhuh…’–he nods, but eyes shut tight before he continues –’I don’t think I-I can…’– he gets the words out through his gritted teeth. He clearly is close and it lights up a special fire inside my chest to know that I’m the first one to make him feel this way.

’You are not supposed to last long on your first time, ya know?’–I chuckle and he mirrors it, smiling until I pull him closer again, and he chokes on the little laugh, turning it into a deep groan.

’Sss-Syle!’- Cal moans my name in his quiet but sensual way so freaking beautifully it’s addictive, hissing the ’S’. His head is right at my shoulder and he can't keep sitting straight so he lets his head fall forward on me as he pants and whimpers into the skin of neck. Hoooly shit.

’Yes, come on’- I urge him, and actually find it impossible to be more turned on by anything in the world at the moment.. –’Fuck, you’re so hot!’ –And then he tenses up all over as my voice seems to do the trick to finish him off.

He buries his loud moan into the skin of my neck and he shakes violently, sinking his fingernails into my arm deep until it all stops and the world becomes nothing but a blur for some long seconds. And not only for Cal…   
It’s been quiet and calm for some seconds, and I only then realize that… uh. Let’s just say that I’m very screwed without a change of nightpants as well...   
It’s hard to process something like this, even if I imagined it a thousand times before and even if I knew exactly how much my hands are going to shake, my heart will hammer in my chest and my head will swim like I’m high. It happened. Huh. Oh my goodness.  
The most content grin spreads across my face when he finally shifts a bit, breathing deep but slow, and I can feel how his whole weight on me now. I lovingly hold him, petting his back.   
This moment lasts forever and is all too short at the same time. At that second he or anyone couldn’t say a single thing to make me any less happy.   
Then Cal leans up and I let him. He is blinking at me with a tired smile.

’Hello Beautiful. You made my heart skip some beats, you know that?’ – I announce with the widest grin, reaching for his hand. His fingers close in over mine and Cal chuckles at my words. –’You okay there?’ – I ask, still wanting to make sure.

’I'm... great’- he nods exhaustedly, the roots of his hair looking wet with sweat. ’I’ve been thinking about this… for long’– he sighs, still close to my face so I feel the lick of his breath on my skin.  
We lie down back afterward, fingers staying entwined and no, we do not care about the mess that we made of our nightclothes because fuck all that, when I can stay connected to him instead.  
The room grows silent, and I almost doze off again, when I hear him say this:

’I must admit one thing…’

’Yeah?’– I turn my head to look at his face. He seems kinda serious. The anticipation is real before he goes on, and that means very long seconds.

’Umm… it wasn’t actually a nightmare.’

’Oh.’ – I blink rapidly as realization hits. OH! –’Ah. That explains… a lot.’

’Yeah’ – he agrees with a soft laugh. Then we really fall asleep.   
Before I really drift off though, a troubling thought comes to my mind. Tomorrow by this time we are going to be on a mission again. Probably the most important one. And the most dangerous one. We might not even make it. I never felt this, the possibility to lose those who I loved beforehand. And, it still happened to me, twice even. I could fear tomorrow. I had every reason to be afraid.  
But now, as I open my eyes to look at his peaceful slumbering form… I know this is somehow different. Because this time… I know what I have to lose. And I will protect my jedi at all costs… as a guardian should.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fight for the map goes on, on Kessel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys!!
> 
> The next chapter is here, with much love!
> 
> I couldn't resist another hot scene, sorry (not really sorry) at the beginning... So be aware, and I hope you like it, and the amount of cheesy romance that follows.
> 
> And don't kill me for the ending, please😋
> 
> Another very dangerous adventure begins... right NOW!
> 
> Happy reading and Thank you for your comments and reactions ☺️
> 
> This story and you Guys mean so much to me I might get a tattoo to remind me of the experience!
> 
> 🧡

I can't sleep for long, though I do spend like 2 more hours after waking just looking at Cal's peaceful dozing face. I can't believe that this beautiful freckled creature with red locks falling in front of his closed eyes really can care about a tousled chaotic idiot like me. And yet, he does. I'm the luckiest guy alive, for sure.  
After those long minutes of grinning though, I start to get cramps in my jaw and the idea comes to my mind that I could make breakfast for this dork.  
I'd probably want him for breakfast the most, but in the back of my mind I keep reminding myself that we need our energies today...

So I attempt to slide out of the bed quietly, lifting his hand that rests on my hip carefully to place it on the pillow next to his body. I consider it a success when I don't see him stir as I sit up, and then suddenly when I'm about to get out, I feel a strong grip on my wrist holding me back.  
My eyes snap to the handsome's face that still is motionless. Creepy.

'Are ya sleep-sneaking on me?' - I ask in a witty tone and it works, a chuckle erupts from him and his face twitches in a silent laughter. He starts pulling me back. 

'I need to make breakfast...'- I try, but the grin on my face gives me away. Yeah, I'm totally letting him pull me back beside him, and I find myself tucked under his arm soon, his head so close to my neck from behind that I can feel his hot breaths on my skin. When I slightly turn my head back to look at him, he is pushing closer with a smile, snuggling, pressing every part of him into my back. Yeah, hips too. 

'Woah-oh-okay!' - I react suddenly at the sudden contact with Cal's most enthusiastic part. I hear him hum into my ear and I can't deny how devastatingly hot the whole scene is, but it is too late, anyone could walk in just any minute. I mean, Cere could. Greez never enters our rooms randomly. But it would definitely be bad enough if... Oh shit, is he really touching me...?

'C-Cal... fuck! Uhh, Cal, we... OH-ohh!' - I need to stop this, but how can I gain the strength? His fingers have just slipped under the waistband of my pants.  
And he is grinding.  
Am I having one of those dreams now?  
Then, I realize that he is panting into my upper back, muffling his sweet noises in my shoulderblades. His moves are slow but steady with both his hand and hips. I'm so going to die.  
We both will, shit. I need to stop this, now. 

'Cal! W-wait!' - I manage to get this out and place my hand over his wrist. He stills and raises his head. 

'Why...?' - he asks after some seconds of hesitation weakly. 

'I need your strength. Kessel is going to be a tough one' - I tell him, the cloud slowly leaving my head. 

'You're right...' - Cal sighs a little disappointedly and rolls onto his back. After like 10 seconds I'm turning over because I feel sorry for him. I playfully prop up my chin on my fake-hand and blink at him, my other hand caressing his skin where the nightshirt reveals his collarbone. I like to touch him with my left hand, it feels more. 

'Hey, you okay there?' - I ask when he keeps staring at the ceiling. He sighs again rather painfully. 

'Yeah, I just... I was trying to forget the day ahead of us.' - he explains and my heart does a weird flip because I have never seen him like this before. Cal Kestis is the statue of positive thinking and tranquility.  
A weird sense of protectivity rushes into my mind, and I can't help but reach over, to stroke his cheek fondly. 

'Hey, Brave-boy. Don't lose that wonderful smile of yours'- He lifts his head and at last looks at me with little sparks of surprise. 

'I don't mean to...' Cal leans into my touch and finally a small smile forms in his face. - 'I just really love what I have now... Never really felt like this before.' 

'Ohh and you don't know half of it yet. I'll show you fun when we get back from Kessel, just ya wait, jedi-boy' - I flash him a naughty wink and that finally undoes his tension. He laughs and pulls me into a soft kiss. Of course, our meeting lips always spark some fire so it turns a little heated with him sucking on my lower lip eagerly.  
That's when a certain freshly charged droid rolls over to the bed to beep an alarming greeting. Cal and I jump apart with the sudden realization of being watched, but break out in a laughter when BD asks if any of us needs a stim. 

A little later we are all outside, Cal and I making breakfast. We are quite short on everything so we stay on the safe side with scrambled eggs. Fortunately my jedi's mood has been successfully lifted. He grins and lets me tie an apron in his neck while he keeps stirring the vegetables not to let them burn.  
I smooth over his sides and tie the thing at his back, using the opportunity to give a pat to his perfect butt. Cal chokes on his breath at that and smirks at me over his shoulder, flushing to his neck. I feel the urge to press closer to him and hug him close from behind, but I don't trust myself to stop at that so I hold back. A moment later Greez appears with a curious frown. 

'Do I smell food?' 

A little pang of embarrassment rushes through me because of the intimate nature of our latest actions but surely Greez would have said something if he noticed. 

'Food is not a way to describe this masterpiece' - I grin, masking my sudden shyness. 

'Whatever..., I don't trust the kid wearing that... thing so much, not with cooking.'

Cal only rolls his eyes, while trying to blow one stubborn lock of hair out of his face. He still keeps stirring, though the heat is shut down. 

'I trust him with everything, and he hasn't disappointed so far...'- I shrug, only saying it casually, but the gasp doesn't skip my attention that the jedi lets out. 

'Ah. Yeah. I bet he hasn't...' - the old dude snorts and it's crystal clear that he fucking knows everything. 

I want to say something, anything but words don't find the way out. Fortunately Cere comes out of... well, MY room. The shock on my face is genuine.  
It is logical though that she kept an eye on Yastel because he still is a criminal, a captive on our ship, but to imagine she was there, up all night... And on the other side of the wall... 

'Good morning'- she says indifferently. 

'Hey Cere...' 

'How are you both?' - she goes on but it doesn't seem like smalltalk. Rather an analysis. 

'I'm okay' - Cal stutters quietly, not sure what the question is about. 

'Your wound?'  
Cal's face instantly softens in relief. 

'It's healed. Looks like only a scratch. No need to worry about it.' 

'Good' - she nods and turns to me. - 'And you, Syle? You've been through a lot yesterday.'

'I feel like a new man, Cere. A good sleep can do wonders.' 

'Sure, I might try it once.' - she kinda jokes, but her expression reveals the grim background. 

'Have you slept at all?' - Cal's eyes are wide and almost worrisome. 

'I have, some. But I kept checking on him.' 

'Did he behave?' - I ask in a condescending tone. I can't help it, the thought of the guy still triggers my basic punching reflexes. 

'Surprisingly well. He wants to work on the plan together.'

'Not happening' - I instantly react. 

'I think we should hear him out' - Cal says. 

'Yes, me too. As we concluded, he is the only source of information that we have' - Cere agrees with Cal, and although I'm not very delighted about this development, I decide to trust my team. 

'Alright, let's hear him out... I guess he needs to eat too. But he definitely doesn't get extra baked mushrooms!'

Yastel looks awful. I don't actually remember what drew me to him those couple of years ago. Maybe it was his charisma, which is not very flashy at the moment. He is worn out, his stubble is messy, the way he walks reminds me of a drunk. His hands are still bound behind his back, so Cere helps him sit at the holo-table. A very detailed map of Kessel is on the screen by this time, and I find it really strange that a planet like this is important for the Empire.  
Practically nothing is there, just sand. 

'There are going to be hundreds of stormtroopers.' - the bounty hunter notes, his voice gruff and raspy. 

'But why?' - I question - 'What are they mining here that is so important?' 

'Slaves' - Yastel manages to smirk at me with the remark. 

'It is a mining planet, but the reason it's so popular is the illegal trading' - Cere explains and I wonder how I never heard this before. I met many smugglers and illegal traders during my years at the Inn. 

'So what do you know, Yastel?' - Cal places his elbows on the table, putting on a casual act, though I can feel him being nervous. I bet Yastel does too. 

'Well. Many things. But now only a couple of those are important...' - he raises his brows suggestively and I hate it when he does this. 

'To the point' - I involuntarily order him and the blonde attempts a smirk at me. I don't soften up so he nods to himself before he begins to finally talk. 

'Alright. Emid Glamar is the one responsible for the delivery. She is to meet Leutenant Rowir on Kessel at midnight today. However, she arrived earlier by every chance. So, by the time we get there, Emid and the map should already be at the miners' accomodation...'

'How would you know all this?' - I hear Cal raise the very question I have in mind. 

'It's not my first deal with her. I know her brother too, he is a miner on Kessel. No worries, Freckles'

'He has a name' - I try to correct him but it backfires. 

'Yeah, I heard you practicing his name last night...' 

Oh I can't... I'm so gonna kill this fuckhead as soon as I can! I don't even risk a glance at anyone, I just grit my teeth and growl:

'So, you have a practical plan? How do we get it back? Or you're all talk as usually?' 

'The plan is to get inside the miners' accomodation and locate the deliverer. The rest depends on the situation.'- Cere goes on very calmly. Seems like a sensible plan. And I should be able to sneak in. I only need a good enough camouflage. 

***

I honestly should have known it would be a stormtrooper's outfit. As Yastel holds it out for me, I wonder again if it was a good idea to let him loose. The owner of the uniform is sleeping behind the Mantis in his smallclothes, having three sleeping stims injected in him. The planet is the hottest we have ever been to, it's disgusting to think about the sweat this uniform must contain just based on the amount on my face after spending 15 minutes around here. 

'Will you get dressed?' - the bearded blonde suggests mockingly. 

'Only if you turn the other way.' 

'Nothing I haven't seen before, actually...' - he shrugs but does turn around for my surprise. 

'That is where you're wrong. I'm not 15 now.'

'Clearly, you've become fitter... Looks good on you.' 

I don't know what to make of the compliment. It is unwanted but not offensive or intrusive. So I stay silent and get rid of my clothes. Cal arrives when the killer warm white shit is already covering me, except for the helmet. 

'So, how do I look?' - I ask him while Yastel is still with his back to me. 

'Well... I have seen you look better' - Cal chuckles. 

'Did you get a new comm speaker?' 

'Yeah' - Cal nods, showing the device on his wrist. - 'Whatever happens, you can reach us.' - he tells me and a chill runs through me at the thought that Cal AND Yastel are going to be my security guards TOGETHER. I really wished they didn't have an opportunity to talk with me not hearing.  
Yastel can be a manipulative ass and Cal is the purest thing in the galaxy.  
When I'm ready to go with the miners' accomodation's location carved into my memory, I turn to them once more. 

'Be careful out here' - I sigh and give Cal my lightsaber. I have a blaster on my side, and two stims in my pocket; one for healing and one to put someone to sleep. I can't really make mistakes without dying and I am aware of it. 

'You be careful' - Cal steps closer to stroke his palm against my shoulder. I wish I could feel more in this crappy outfit. 'We will be good, it's the three of us.'  
I register the droid's presence. 

'Look out for them, BD!' - I say and the little one squeaks in agreement. 

'Okay, I'm ready'- I inhale determinedly. - 'So a black little box, huh?' - I recall Yastel's words on how the package must look that contains the pendant. 

'Yeah, just palm-size. You'll find it.' - I exchange the first look in ages with him that doesn't scream of my anger. He nods. I have to go. 

I take one more look at Cal and think about our last stolen secret kiss in the bathroom before arriving. The way he smiled into my lips when I touched the side of his neck to hold him close. He looked so content, and hopeful. He believes in this. He believes in me... So I do too. 

The area is a lot larger than I anticipated. I hate sand, hate this climate and I can't wait to get rid of this stinking helmet.  
The building where miners live are in my sight but I still need to get through a crowd of workers and troopers. I silently wonder if these people are actually slaves. They are so organized and yet look very exhausted. I remind myself that I am not here now to free every person who has fallen victim to the Empire, no matter how much I'd like to do that. But, in a way, I am.  
Just need to get the map back to do so. 

I press through and reach the entrance, where lots of names are listed on a holo-screen on the wall. Thank goodness I don't have to interact with anyone to learn the room number. I look for the name Glamar and instantly find out he lives on the second floor. As I enter, I see guards and groups of miners coming and going, but nobody even considers taking a second look at me. My camouflage is working.  
I take the stairs and arrive on the floor as a hint of deja vu hits me. It's been similar when we were looking for Yastel some days ago.  
Now that I seem to be finally alone, I lift my comm to reach the guys. 

'Hey. I'm in! Everything alright out there?' 

'Yes, we're good. Found a good hiding place from where we see the whole area. Everything's clear so far, nobody noticed you' - Cal informs me and I feel the need to joke. 

'Well, I'm quite used to people not noticing me...' 

'Come on, hurry' - I hear the soft chuckle too and it givesme strength to go on. I reach the door and knock to know what we're dealing with. 

As it doesn't open for the third knock, I take my lockpick tool to operate my way inside. It only takes like a minute for me to have the door open and I slip inside.  
I kinda feel that this is too easy.  
The room is visibly lived in, there are all kinds of personal belongings around, but in a quite organized, tidy way. I see a bag beside the bed in the bedroom, it contains women's clothing and boxes so I punch the air in satisfaction because the deliverer is already here. Great. So the map should be also around somewhere. 

I open the boxes in a hurry, finding all kinds of interesting illegal stuff like passports, drugs, and I honestly don't even want to know about the thing in the third one... but not the pendant. Shit. 

I take out some clothes to see more, however no other boxes are inside the bag. And suddenly I hear a key entering the lock to the room. Alright, I expected that.  
By the time the stranger walks in, I am hiding in the bathroom, peeking out through a slight opening. It's most likely the deliverer, Enid. She stops as soon as she reaches the bedroom, noticing the mess I made. 

Yeah, cleaning does not happen so suddenly. Well, not for me, guh. 

'What the fu...' - she begins when I jump out behind her, attempting to hold her down but she manages to elbow me in the side. I let go because of the pain shooting through me, but then I remember that I have a gun.  
The fight is over as soon as she looks into the barrel and knows she is screwed.  
I kinda feel bad for aiming a blaster at an innocent woman but then I remind myself of the contents of her bag, and my main focus. 

'Where is the package? The one you are to give to leutenant Rowir.' - I ask. Her eyes instantly shift to the right but she tries to cover it up with rapid blinks. 

'I don't know what you are talking about.' - she then replies in a surprisingly calm way. As much as I learned from the douchebags I've worked with sofar, I know that in moments like this you need to grab the little you have.  
A holo-desk is on the right side of the room, so I am going with that direction. 

'Thanks' - I say politely, still pointing the blaster at her while taking the purple stim out to stab her shoulder with it. The deliverer instantly falls asleep, and I catch her before she could collapse, placing the limp body on the bed. I waste no more time then: I search the desk, roaming my eyes over the tools lying there. 

It doesn't even take so much time to find a little black box shoved behind a holo-panel.  
My eyes go wide when I open it up and the familiar pendant looks back at me. A relieved smile appears on my face as I instantly take it out and place the actual map in one pocket while the black box in another, just to be safe. 

Then, I am finally done and ready to go. I can't believe this went so smoothly, this was like our most dangerous scenaio with the least trouble. Life is definitely full of unexpected turns, I am thinking, then I hear my comm speaker squeak slightly signaling contact before I hear Cal's voice in my ear. It's full of urgency so I know something is not right. 

'Syle. Do you hear me?' 

'Yes, I do. And I got the map. What's wrong? '

'The leutenant is heading towards the miners's accomodation with like 30 stormtroopers. You need to get out, now!' 

'Sure thing' - I nod, getting all the focus back, as I start running down the stairs. 

'Yastel says there is a back door, use that, it' s behind the staircase' - Cal's instruction comes just in time when I notice the mentioned door. Without meaning to make a scene I hurry out, only to be greeted by the sight of the entrance of a mine. The area is crowded here too, even more than at the front. 

'I'm out of the building, but how do I reach you two?' 

'There is an exit, if you head down beside the mine and follow the fence. We'll be waiting there' - my jedi tells me - 'And... I knew you'd have it. I'm proud of you.'

My grin is hidden by the helmet. 

'I'll be there soon' - I reply, but all I want to say is "I love you". But hopefully soon I can. As I head towards the fence I glance back and see some stormtroopers wandering around. Soon the place will be a mess when they find the unconscious deliverer without the pendant. We need to leave, and we have to do it now.  
It's not easy to get past the endless mass of miners but when I manage it feels like swimming up to the surface for air. 

I keep my eyes on the destination which is the little gate guarded by two guys.  
The closer I go the more confident I pretend to be, because the mere thought of succeeding gives me the kick to stay a pro.  
They greet me as I approach the gate. 

'Good day, sir. If you wish to leave the area I advise you to use the other side, this area is dangerous with toxic gases and a steep landslide.'

'I know what I'm doing. I'm carrying out the order of leutenant Rowir. Get out of my way' - Yes. That is how I imagine these bastards speaking. And, it actually works!  
The men step away and let me get out. 

Relief floods my senses and I take some steps further, looking behind an unused guard tower for my companions. 

'Cal? Cal, I'm out!' - I use the comm, but no answer comes.  
I try again, and still, the line is silent as a grave. I step over some kind of a green liquid in a puddle that sure as hell looks unhealthy, then spot an object in the sand close by.  
As I approach it, I suddenly realize it is a half-empty stim container.  
And that could only mean one thing. 

But I can't even put it into words in my head, because I suddenly feel something piercing through the skin on my neck and the world instantly fades into darkness in front of my eyes...


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kessel is full of surprises, and so is Yastel Krinn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys!
> 
> It's been a long time again, the longest so far. But I am not dead yet! I've been sick last week though and my mind was not functioning at it's best... (sorry poor excuse) 
> 
> I really hope you guys are alright these days. If you ever get bored at home I am here to talk anytime about Fallen order, Cal, Cameron, a bag of potatoes, anything. If not in comments, I have a discord too. 😉
> 
> So, Happy Reading and  
> Please let me know what you think! 
> 
> Ps: keep holding on! In the best stories heroes go through a lot of shit before everything turns right!

The world comes back to me in flashes. My eyes sense the dim light as reflectors in my face. The thing I was injected with must have made my head achy. It is an unpleasant feeling to put it lightly, and it’s only the physical part. The rest is coming when I actually wake up and take in the sight.

I am in a cell. Underground cell to be precise. I slowly sit up, having the throbbing headache stab into the right side of my scalp. I groan but fight myself off the ground.

’Oh, finally! I’ve been out of my mind with worry’– I hear the familiar voice right behind me. When I turn, I notice Yastel’s hand gripping my arm while he blinks at me with panic. He looks like crap. His face dirty, his hair wet and his button-up coat torn under his shoulder.

’Yastel… what happened?’ – I attempt to speak, but my voice comes out as a harsh rasp.

’Not sure… we were caught, that one thing seems certain. I… I think they were waiting for us. We must have missed something…’ –he started pacing back and forth. I took a look at the mostly empty space around us, and the thought suddenly hit my mind hard as a wookie’s skull.

’Yastel, WHERE IS CAL?’

’I… I have no idea, man. I woke up here just some time before you did.’ – his answer doesn’t calm my sudden anxiety any bit. Since Yastel is here, Cal had to be caught too. I just have no idea why he was taken to a different place. Why are we in the same cell if Cal is somewhere else? And WHERE is that?! I need to find him. I made a fucking promise, I HAVE TO FIND HIM!  
I start hyperventillating as I run up to the barred cell door, trying to shake it as hard as I can. I try to feel around on my side for my lightsaber, but of course it’s not with me, since I’m still wearing the dirtied white stormtrooper uniform. The blaster was surely taken, and… I don’t even need to fish around in my pockets to know that the map is gone too.  
FUCK. We almost did it! WE WERE THIS DAMN CLOSE! 

’FUCK! LET ME OUT OF HERE!!’– I yell as I slowly lose my mind piece by piece. It’s Yastel who finally shuts me up with his palm pressed over my mouth, holding my shoulder down with his other hand. I jerk violently to get away from him, but he is in a better shape, so it seems. He manages to hold me down until I calm down and am able to make an eye contact with him. He looks at me patiently.

’Are you done?’

’I need to find him.’

’We will find Cal. It’s gonna be okay.’ –His calm voice almost is enough to fuel my anger again. How can he ALWAYS do that? He always have been this chill, and always gave me THIS look when I got carried away. The simple gaze that makes you feel instantly stupid. That’s what it feels like.

’Cal is a very capable guy, a very well-trained jedi. You keep your focus here so we can figure something out… ugghh’– he said, almost falling over at the end. I helped him stay steady with a frown, because he looked like he was going to faint.

’You okay?’

’I’m just dizzy. Think it’s the shit they gave us. Don’t you feel it?’

’Not really. Just a headache.’– I say. The hell did they inject us with.– ’You wanna sit?’

’No. I’m good.’ – he says as he visibly swallows. – ’Come on, look outside’ – Yastel then walks up to a „window” that allows us to see a hallway on the other side of the cell. It’s lit up only to be able to see to the end of it, and nobody is around. Just like at the door… I wonder where the guards are. They must really mistake us for incompetent idiots.  
I check the door again, the cell has only one lock, the key should be a pretty big, old-fashioned one. I look around outside as much as I can… there is a desk and some boxes at the opposite wall, and a tiny cabinet. If I had to bet, I’d put my money on that one to contain our cell key.

’Hey, Yastel… I think I can see it. That’s where our key must be’– I share my idea. He looks skeptical with his crossed arms. –’Or, it is in the hands of Rowir and we are just going to die.’

’Okay-okay. No need to be dramatic now. Other times, I like it but not now. Let’s try that thing’ – he steps very close to me, our shoulders bumping against eachother and he raises a brow at me so I take a step back and watch him from there. He extends his arm, reaches out of our cell between the bars to use the Force on the cabinet. I see him concentrating, the muscles on his face contracting, his eyes falling shut, but the cabinet door only slightly opens, not really letting me even a peak inside… then Yastel’s arm falls back to his side and he has a hard time catching his breath.

’Woah. What happened?’– I go back closer. He seems very… weak.

’Uh… just this dizzyness. I can’t focus. Uh, shit.’– he shakes his head shamefully and leans against the door for support.  
I let out a shaky breath too. Without him using the Force it is not going to be easy to get out. I am not that good at it… 

’You should try it’ – he suddenly speaks to me like he knew about my inner conflict.

’I… am not sure I could…’

’Of course you can!’ – he says with his usual cool voice, and sure, I can give it a go, but… okay.  
I stand right up to the bars, just like he did, and lift my left hand the same way. I concentrate. The headache seems to fade so I can’t even blame it on that if I fail… Uh, not the best thought to focus on.  
I hold my gaze on the cabinet door, and I need it to open. Open. I have to get out to save Cal. OPEN UP. NOW. 

’Come on, you can do it’– I heard Yastel’s reassurance, but it only made me lose the train of focus. I pulled my hand back feeling defeated and slipped to the ground to sit. How the hell does it work? I can Force-push stones and bograts one time, then can’t even move a feather-light object like a little cabinet’s door?! I’m really starting to think the Force is not on my side.  
'Are you blaming yourself?' - Yastel's knowing voice hits me, and it slightly triggers my anger, the way he still just knows me so well.

'What?'- I snap with audible irritation.

'You tend to do that. Always have.'- Yastel notes calmly but sassily. His icy blue eyes always called for some punches, but... Damn, he is right. My shoulders go down in defeat.

'Huh. Well... maybe?!'

'Stop it then.'

'Duhh, thanks!' - Great help indeed...

'No, Syle. I'm fuckin serious. You always do this shit like the world only depends on you. But it wasn' t your fault that Julius Perg lost his holocron in the lake. And it wasn't your fault you were not strong enough at the evaluation.' - he reminds me of examples from my childhood when I felt guilty about things beyond my control.

Julius Perg's holocron I almost forgot about already, but my evaluation has been a wound on my pride until this very day. That was the moment when the assembly decided I could not become a jedi knight... after my accident. I was so nervous, plagued by so many unsettling thoughts that the simplest Force-task proved impossible for me to carry out. It was a horribly embarrassing encounter that I never wanted to think about again, though, it comes back seeping into my thoughts now and then. I swallow hard, feeling already shaken enough when Yastel continues.

'It wasn't your fault that Mori died...'  
My eyes shift up, searching his face because I need to know the expression that goes with the tone of his voice... That sad shaky one.  
Never really heard him get so emotional.  
And now, Yastel looks uncharacteristically broken, looking down at his feet, biting the side of his face from the inside, fighting tears. Seeing him feels like a cold fist engulfing my stomach and tightening.

'Wasn't your fault either... You must know it.' - I find myself saying it with a cracky voice suddenly. His icy blue eyes shift up to meet mine, gaze clear and vulnerable. - 'She was injured beforehand. Cal saw it when he touched her saber. You couldn't have done anything, she was too weak.'

He seems surprised a little.

'I know now that she was wounded... I found out when giving her the funeral. But... Cal saw it?'

'Yeah, he... has this ability' - I'm not sure why I'm telling him all these. Probably has to do something with my own conscience, and my sense of closure on the past.  
However, the thought of Cal Kestis only brings back my deepest fears.  
I shake my head with gritted teeth, trying to block the negative ideas. He has to be alive. He has to be here somewhere. - 'I wish I knew where he is. Why did they have to take him somewhere else? I don't see the logic!'  
Yastel stays silent for some seconds and it concerns me further.

'Do you know something?'

'I... I only know that I've been hired to find Cal Kestis... by Darth Vader.'

'What?! He hired you personally?!'

'Never met him personally, just a messenger. But on his behalf...'

Holy shit. Cal really crossed paths with the guy. Not that I thought he was lying... Still, tough. Could he be shipped away? How can I get to him before...

'Syle... I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner. I made... huge mistakes. Unforgivable ones. I know I can never undo the shit I've brought upon you and I would never trust me if I were you... But listen. I know this planet. The Empire regulated the frequency when ships can leave the area. I don't think they would be in a hurry now that Cal and the map are both in their grip. We should have at least half a day before they transport him. We can still win!

Turning.  
I feel the click turning inside my head upon hearing my old friend's words. I know Yastel is not that person any longer, but at the moment it is the old Yastel speaking. He once was the only person I trusted, someone who always knew how to make me feel alive. Never thought I could even feel the spark of that connection anymore, but... Guess there are always things to surprise me.  
Because he just did that.

The familiar warmth floods my chest as hope fills my mind. He knows that look, the slight smirk I'm giving him.

'Yes, like that! Believe in yourself, Syle Metri. And now get that key... because you can do it!' - Yastel finally approaches me, grabbing my shoulder tightly, piercing my mind with that scary determined look he can give.

I take a deep breath and nod. Yastel has a point. He is probably off on several things but is very damn right about one: I can't give up because I have someone who depends on me. Cal Kestis. My love. And I will hold onto my promise to keep him safe.

My eyes shift to look outside our cell, to the long dark hallway leading up to a door. Cal must be kept nearby. I want to get out. I have to get out. And... I will.  
I brace myself against the bars and reach out as much as I can. My prosthetic fingers press against the surface so hard that my artificial sensors can feel how cold it is through my glove. So does my face as I'm peeking out. I focus on that cabinet, focus so hard like Cal Kestis's life depended on it. It might just be the case. And, I collect the thoughts, all the positive memories I have with my jedi. I gather the feeling that only he makes me ever feel.

His puzzled adorable questioning looks when he tries to understand something so hard... That comforting gaze just at the right times before I snap. A bright smile grows on my exhausted face as I think of the way he always cockily reacts to my irony, and somehow turns it all into a deep shared moment. I almost feel the brightness that he is himself in my eyes... And use it to help me get to him again.

The cabinet is open, and the key is right between my fingers when I blink the next second, completely overwhelmed by my sensations, and still feeling the thrill of the Force coursing through me.

'Wow.'- Yastel chuckles from behind me, and his grin us wide although worn out. - 'That wave almost felt cheesy. When the hell did you become such a pure thing? Not a single drop of darkness anywhere!' - he meant to make it sound accusing but still held an amazed smile that kept tugging at his lips. I felt self-conscious all of a sudden and blushed, while also feeling proud. Even more so when he added:

'You've become a real jedi.'

'Bullshit.' - I shrug, still self-consciously biting at my lip. - 'But I... believe you. So we must have half a say, huh?'

'We have all the time we need' - he nods.

'Then let's go save Cal and get the fuck out of here!' - I tighten the grip on the key, ready to use it.

'He is a very lucky guy...' - the former jedi's voice contains some irony but a lot more true feelings which development surprises me again by all means and I freeze. I must look obviously distracted because he pokes at my shoulder. - 'Will ya open the damn thing?!'

'I am' - I snap out of it and turn the key to get it in place but then we hear the noise of steps approaching from the end of the hallway.

'Away! Hurry!' - Yastel gestures at the key which I shove in my pocket since nothing smarter comes to mind. A bald guy wearing the miners' uniform comes in and a stormtrooper (a real one) follows. They use their own personal key to open the door. I kinda get ready to fight them, but a blaster is pointed at me instantly.

'What the hell do you guys want?' - Yastel groans exhaustedly and probably still feeling sick.

'You are coming with us' - The trooper looks at my companion.

'Where?' - He tries, but the man dressed in white tugs at his arm and drags Yastel out of the cell leaving me alone in there.  
'What are you doing to him?' - I yell after them but they completely ignoee me.  
The other dude locks me back up. Yastel walks with them not showing resistence.

I watch Yastel being taken but don't say another word. Wouldn't probably do me any good anyhow. But I have a plan. As soon as they are out of sight again, I fish for the key inside my pocket. Bingo!

I only hope it fits the lock though, so I'm relieved when it clicks and the key turns inside. I wait a couple more seconds before I open the door. These folks would probably shoot me in an instant if they caught me. Then so much for my rescue plans...

When the cell door slides open before me, a strange surge of adrenaline rushes through my body. I did it! And from now on I'll need to be extremely careful whatever I do.

I move slowly and without making any noise in the area, looking for my things. Of course the desk and cabinet doesn't contain the rebel map, but in a small container box I find Yastel's purple dagger. I take hold of it, and try not to be instantly reminded of the memory when this very blade entered Cal's body on Naboo. (Not succeeding.)  
It feels weird to think of Yastel as a companion now. Even weirder to hold his weapon... I miss my lightsaber so much.

I decide to check the hallway the direction where the captors took Yastel... I even plan to follow their lead, but this place proves to be an enormous maze.  
I realize this when I get lost after I keep exploring endless halls trying to discover any clues on Yastel and Cal for more than half an hour, finding nothing, but... the same dark mossy wet places all over again.

The strange thing is, nobody is crossing my ways. At first I redied myself at every door, every turn, but as time went on I put away the weapon already. There are statues and numbered containers that keep reminding me that I've already been through these hallways, and that I am indeed lost. I curse to myself, kicking at a much too familiar door when it opens only to show me something new.  
Stairs?

Never seen them before.  
Holy shit, I found a new way? Finally!  
I'm heading down immediately and see an unexplicably long floor with some guards at the end. I have been suspecting they would show some time! To avoid getting caught, I step into a dark cabin on the left to peek out, when I hear a voice from a dangerously close distance.

'Somebody there?' - I can't believe it when the realization hits my brain. The voice!

'Oh my goodness, Cal?!' - I turn and pat down every surface to find the light switch.

'Syle! Oh, my... Are you okay?!'

'Yes, You??' - I blink through the dark with worry. My fingers finally find the button and I push.  
The brightness pierces the redhead's eyes painfully so he covers his face. He is standing behind bars, in a smaller cell than mine. He looks healthy and uninjured luckily.

'Ouch, that was bad but otherwise.. I'm good!' - he groans and also chuckles. I'm so glad he is okay I almost end up crying. Before I even know I am standing right in front if him, grabbing at his fingers through the bars, touching his skin to make sure he really is alive and well.

'I am... so damn happy to see you!' - I can't stop some tears from falling.

'You can imagine how I feel then' - he sighs softly, hand tightening around mine with affection.

'I need to get you out of there' - I say in a hurry, taking a glance at the room. I have no such luck to find the key right there twice, and the lock on Cal's cell actually looks like it works with a key-card. The guards must have it.  
I could cut a hole for him though.

'The lightsabers! Did you have mine with you?'

'I left it on the Mantis before we left' - he sighs nervously - 'I wish I had it hidden somewhere instead to just take it out now and make this easy...' - at the notion my sick brain catches up on something and I unmeaningly burst out in a chuckle.

'You really don't want a smart comment for that' - I grin at him and when Cal gets my point his face turns from frowny to all red like... his hair, huh.

'So where did they put your lightsaber? Have you seen?' - I get back to being serious.

'The guard has it, the one with the brown belt. He is an ass, by the way'

'You've gained a filthy vocabulary since we're together' - I grin at him.

'What level of innocent do actually think I am?' - he laughs slightly.

'Less and less' - I roll my eyes dramatically with a smirk, already thinking about ways to get him out. It unfortunately seems like there is only one way though.

'So how did you find your way here?' - Cal asks curiously as I am looking through the desks at the wall. Of course I find nothing.

'I was caught and put in the same cell with Yastel until he was taken away. I let myself out of the cell and got lost out here. A fucking maze it is! So, me finding you must just be... fate.'  
He smiles before catching up.

'You were with Yastel? He was taken? Where?'

'Probably interrogation' - I answer him meanwhile kinda feeling sorry for the poor bastard. We will need to find him too. - 'Hey, where is your most loyal friend?'

'I have no clue and I'm quite worried... But BD hopped off me before we got surrounded, so I'm hoping he escaped... Wait. I think someone's coming' - Cal notes so I pull out the dagger and take cover behind a desk. Soon I also hear the approaching steps and kick myself ready to fight.

Never really used a dagger before, but might be similar to a saber, I guess. Not counting the fact that it's an actual blade, no laser. The dude Cal mentioned steps into the room, getting confused at the light being switched up. He has that brown belt secured to his usual trooper uniform. He takes a look around so I cover, then I see his feet getting closer to the cell. If he tries to hurt Cal I might just rip his head off instantly.

'If you play with the switch or use the Force any other way once again, leutenant Rowir might have to take your life himself...'- I feel sickened at the way the guy barks out a laughter. He truly is an ass. Doesn't make me think twice about stabbing him in the back. Not proud of the move, but it is done to protect a jedi knight. The thought crosses my mind that I'm actually doing my job I have been trained to do and it feels oddly exciting.

'The key card is on his belt' - Cal informs me and I waste no more time before freeing him.  
As the cell door slides open, I impatiently take Cal's face between my hands to check on him finally. His arms go around my waist in no time as we take a relieved look at eachother.

'You okay?' - I mutter weakly, seeing those green wonders up close again. Cal leans in suddenly to press his soft lips against mine with a soft sigh.

'Perfect. Thank you' - he smiles, leaning back.

'Come on, let's hurry' - I say after he retrieves his precious lightsaber from the trooper. I take his hand so we can leave at once and he follows me.

Once we step out of the room, I don't even expect company, though I totally should have. It's only dumb luck that the person we crash right into then accidentally is only... Yastel!

'Woah, shit!' - I whimper, startled from the sudden encounter. Cal immediately yanks his weapon out then all of us realize what is happening.

'Yastel! Ohh fuck! ...what happened to you?' - I pant, eyes widened.

'I escaped' - he rubs at his head, also coming down from a shock. - 'Killed some guards and went back but you weren't there. No wonder why.'

'Glad to see you alive' - Cal announces and Yastel gives him a nudge to the arm.

'You okay there, Purity?'

'Uh. Cut the nicknames. But yeah' - Cal kindly responds. Then we all notice a group of stormtroopers heading through the hall in the distance. They luckily don't spot us as they move out of sight.

'We need to get out of here, who agrees?' - Yastel proposes, but a thought occurs to me.

'The map! We still need to find it!'

'This one?' - Yastel pulls out a familiar tiny black box from his pocket smirkingly. - 'Done. And it's inside, I checked.'

'Wow!' - the impressed reaction accidentally leaves my mouth, then we hear the marching troopers from a close distance.

As the danger is quite near us, we decide to move immediately. I tell Yastel how lost I got on the way as we head up the stairs but he just seems to know the way like an expert. I wonder where he learned to navigate through a dark wet and mossy underground cave that looks the same on every turn.

'And how did you get it?' - I ask him referring to the map a little later in a seemingly empty hallway.

'Quite easily. The guy interrogating me kept swinging it in front of my face. He was the first one I dealt with and he surely had that coming...' - after watching him grin at this I am reminded of who he really is. Even though we work together now, he is NOT the person I would trust. Ever. Good people don't get a kick out of killing, no matter who it is.

'I hope everything's okay with Cere and Greez. This seems to go too smoothly now' - Cal says. - 'Hope BD is with them too.'

'Sure you won't get rid of the little one so easily'- I touch Cal's arm reassuringly and catch the way Yastel rolls his eyes at us. Is he really jelous now?!

'There' - he points a finger at the door in our view at the end of the hallway - 'Our way out.'

It practically warms my heart to notice that it's electrically locked just like Cal's cell was. I still have the key-card with me and I gladly touch it to the little screen with a slight show-off grin when unexpectedly the screen turns red and beeps a clear 'no'.

'What?' - I stammer and try again. Still, nothing.

'Shit' - Yastel groans.

'Well... Time to get aggressive a little?' - Cal says in the cutest way, activating his saber and lighting us up with green. He steps close to the surface of the door and angles his lightsaber to cut through it with a determined teeth-gritting frown.  
Before he would do it though, the screen beside me flashes again with a short noise, red turning to green, although nothing really happened here. We all are distracted by it as we witness the door getting in motion, bars sliding up and disappearing, then it opens before us. As the way forward gets clear, we instantly see the reason behind it all.

'Boop-whee doot!' - our dearest droid friend rolls back and forth, greeting us on the other side.

'BD!' - Cal's face lights up (even more than when I found him, duh) and he immediately hauls the little one up on his back.

'Luck is really on our side now, isn't it?' - Yastel growls ironically. Guess he isn't fond of BD that much, but he has to see too how useful the droid is at least.

As we pass the door I can already see the light penetrating this dark hole. I can't wait to get rid of this dirty white one-piece uniform that is making my skin itch. I swear that I'll never become a stormtrooper even if my other choice is a gruesome death. Like, ever. Ughh.

The fading daylight is a treasure I never appreciated enough. As we leave the cave behind, I want to fall to my knees in relief. I even like the way the sand dips under my feet which I detested a couple of hours ago. And as we look up the hill, we can see our home, the Mantis waiting for us just as we left it.  
I take one moment to look back and at the boys who both look filthy, sweaty and extremely exhausted, but both are smiling too. We did it.

'I can' t believe we're alive' - I exhale a deep breath.

'Yeah' - Cal agrees, chuckling.

'Can't believe we aren't moving' - Yastel urges us on and he has a point. So we turn to walk up this steep hill to the ship. On the way I give back Yastel his weapon and he gives me a stolen blaster instead. BD is beeping something but I can't focus on the content, my brain needs a rest. Cal's brow movement raises some concerns though.

'What do you want to tell me, BD?'

'Something wrong?' - I ask, blinking some sand out of my eyes while not stopping my feet going up.

'BD wants to tell us something important. What is it, buddy?'

'I think I have an idea' - Yastel points a finger to the upper side of the hill, where we should reach the top. As I glance up, my heart almost stops. The leutenant hunting for us is casually standing right there, staring down at us... With more than 40 stormtroopers behind his back.

I want to just wake up now because this must be a freaking nightmare. After everything we've been through, is this the end? Is it really the way we die, here on Kessel? I never imagined I would die in a fucking stormtrooper uniform, without my lightsaber! Uhh shit.

The moment goes on forever when we stare at them frozen and they stare at us, but then... loud screams can be heard, and suddenly the enemy group turns away from us, because they are... ATTACKED?! Within a second the sight of countless rebels greets us, as they launch an attack on the empire's soldiers. An unexpected turn of events that came just in time! I make eye contact with both of the jedi on my sides and nod for them to know I'm ready to join the fight too, so we hurry up to help them.

3 HOURS LATER

It’s so peaceful and soft… every noise is music to my ears. Dantooine almost feels like home, and I can’t wipe the everlasting grin off my face, because we won.  
The rebel group overpowered the Empire’s forces. They didn’t expect us to be so numerous, and we just rolled through them easily like knife through the jam. Oh, wild days!  
I lean back against the pillows in the tent and look at all the people getting patched up or having something warm to eat. I enjoy the glorious atmosphere of a victorious group silently, but soon I am dragged into a conversation by no other, than Tani Fadd. The rebel leader, who saved our asses.

’You seriously are something, Syle Metri. I’m sure your master would be very glad to see you right now. What you have now is nothing short of amazing.’– she praises (I think) so I flash her a toothy grin. 

’We have a lot to thank you. You know that we would only be scrambled eggs by now if your rebels didn’t save us.’

’Oh, I’m not talking about that. I meant the handsome jedi outside. He is fit, talented, very generous and even good with his hands. You are the luckiest person alive to have him so… close.’  
I chuckle in disbelief when I hear her thirsty remark for Cal, but I decide to just silently blush and blink at the woman sheepishly.

’Ehm… yeah’ – I groan after she does not save my dignity with a new topic. –’Hm… where is… Cal, by the way?’

’He is still working on that little droid of his. Beside the main entrance.’

I plan on slipping out of the tent to look for him already, but Tani reminds me of my duty she talked about on the way here, after the fight.

’Senator Organa is waiting for you, right there. At the cookie stand. Don’t keep him waiting’

So, everything is coming together after all. The map is finally handed over to the highest leader of the rebellion, and after receiving his words of appreciation, our task here will be done. Cal and I can walk off in the sunset, and life is gonna be finally great.  
I’ll need to thank Cere before, though, that she alarmed Tani when we were missing for some hours. This could have ended pretty horribly easily.  
I get up as Tani leaves to get closer to the best part of the day when Yastel suddenly slips into my horizon.

’Care to take a walk with me?’– he asks. He looks somewhat fresher, though the beard is still weird on his face.

’Hmm? Now?’– I raise a brow curiously.

’Yes, it’s quite urgent.’  
Okay. I decide to have a little chat with him if it’s important to him. Well, he helped us to this victory too. So no need to handle him as an enemy anymore. And, I kinda feel bad for overdoing the anger-thing with him for a long time, so I walk with him out and in the direction of the old jedi temple that holds lots of memories for us both, together.  
Sweet ones and not so delightful ones too.

But this time, I think we can gain a new memory, a friendly one.

’So, how does it taste to be on the good side and winning?’– I question him, smiling meanwhile. He reciprocates the curve of the lips, but his posture radiates anxiety. He takes a deep breath and sighs as we walk. –’Anything wrong?’

’I just… what we talked about in the cell…’

’Yastel, wait.’ – I stop him, placing my gloved hand on his lower arm and wait until he raises his head to look at me. –’I have been harsh to you and I want to apologize. You proved to be a great companion. And I forgive you for your past mistakes… You had to survive somehow. We all do. And, we all fuck up. It’s… it’s okay.’  
At the end of my speech I am the one getting emotional. It feels like a weight is lifted off of my chest. Like suddenly there is room for something new, something more inside my heart. Like I lost something bad.  
But when I take a look at him, the relief is shaken, because I see something awfully sad and guilty in the way he paces and kicks at the mud, looking away from my eyes. 

’Yastel…?’  
He shakes his head slowly, before swallowing hard and making a very serious eye contact with me.

’Come with me! …I know you felt obliged to help these people, but it’s done. I’m missing our adventures. Remember when we got stuck in that cave over there? I can’t stop thinking about it. And every other thing we used to do together… Syle if I knew you were alive… I’d have come for you much sooner, but…’

’W-what…?’

’I love you, Syle. I want you to come with me now. We can steal a ship and just go!’

My mouth is fallen open and I can’t seem to process all this. He wants to steal a ship and leave… with me? Was he planning this, or is it just a sudden impulse? 

’Yastel, you know… I can’t…’– I try to react honestly, but he seems rather overly worried, or more like, freaking out. Yastel is not somebody who gets anxious over being rejected. This is something else. –’Hey, I’m sorry, but… you could have known it.’

’We need to leave, NOW!’ – it suddenly breaks out of him and I feel him grabbing my arm forcefully. I don’t understand any of that shit until I look up to the sky, and notice a star destroyer appearing from the clouds right above our heads. 

Holy… fucking… shit.

He betrayed us.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The adventure comes to an end...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Guys!
> 
> Okay, this is emotional for me.  
> I think this is the point where the plot ends, but I still plan to write an epilogue.  
> And, now I see that there is no life for me without these sweethearts, so I am going to write a part 2 with a brand new storyline! I hope you are interested :)
> 
> In the next chapter I'll let you know about the details.
> 
> It has been the greatest ride with you Guys and I'm happy beyond words. Thank you all for sticking around, helping and supporting this story. I am grateful <3
> 
> Special thanks to Chancellor_Mal for the detailed helping words and Juno_Ecl for the wonderful art about the boys :)
> 
> I hope to see ya soon!
> 
> Edit: Guys don't get me wrong, in the epilogue there will be SMUT, probably heavier than ever ;) <3

'Shit Yastel, how could you...?!'

My words are forced and my voice is shaky from the anger that pulses through me. Yastel's last drop of panic fades into a cold, knowing stillness. 

'You know what I am. You' ve always known. I'm not a fighter of justice as you are, Syle. I'm not a good person. All I care about is money and myself.'

'I should never have brought you on the Mantis! You are a disgrace to the order... and I'm a fool!'

'Yes, you are doing it again. Blaming yourself, huh? No. It was only me this time.'  
In the close distance, in the rebel camp there is a clear noise of panic by now. I turn my head slightly in concern...

'You have to go now?' - I hear his dead voice again. It's does not sound like mocking. Yastel kind of just seems... calm. At ease. Beyond redemption. He gave up, and with that he gave us up too. Now, when everything was going right already!

'No. You will not walk away this time' - I growl furiously, taking my saber from my side and yellow flashes up between the two of us. My chest burns. I have this inexplicable desire to wake up from this nightmare... Because I can't believe this is happening. Because of somebody I thought of as a friend again. For a brief time only, but what a mistake! Deadly.  
But he dies first.

As I lift the lightsaber close to his bearded face, Yastel does not even flinch, he doesn't step back. He isn't fighting back, his eyes are not pleading either. He looks awfully determined and cold.  
I hear screams from behind and I feel the necessity to hurry with my actions, to get this over with and go help them. The imperial soldiers must have started the attack on the hideout already. I need to get to Cal.  
However, no matter what I experience, no matter how betrayed I feel at this very moment, killing Yastel Krinn is not an easy move to make.

'Go on, end me. I lost my life long ago anyway... When I gave up on you on Vrogas Vas' - he has a strange, heartbreakingly painful smile on his face, voice cracking.  
I feel weak, but am stoked by the bloodcurdling screams coming from the camp. I grit my teeth and flex my muscles to strike, when I suddenly hear it.

'Syle?'

'Cal...' - I turn my head and notice my jedi rushing towards us.

'Syle, he is dangerous!' - He yells in panic, and right before he could reach me, Cal and I are Force-pushed back into the dust. I am quite shocked by the turn of events, but Cal is sharp and alert immediately, jumping to his feet. He stops Yastel before he could disappear back into camp, pulling him back to us like he weighed nothing.  
I know Cal can use the Force a lot more effectively than I can, but he never fails to impress me. 

I just watch then for some seconds as he activates the lightsaber while Yastel takes his dagger, avoiding Cal's blade as they dance around eachother. Cal is equally talented at not getting stabbed by him either.  
I almost want to stay out of it not to break the equilibrium, but I can't sit idle on my ass.  
I stand and use my weapon too as I join in. Yastel does not make an issue out of it, he ducks, evades both of our moves and in defence he gathers a great amount of sand to Force-throw at us.  
Cal gets a mouthful, and starts coughing violently, but I'm kinda lucky not to be affected.  
Either way, I'm not much of an opponent for the former jedi. Before I know, I am pushed up against a storage cabinet's wall feeling the nauseating licks of the dark side against my body, especially my throat. I struggle, but the tightness makes me choke and I lose the grip on my saber. The bounty hunter is standing above me with his teeth flashing... He reaches towards me and grabs hold of my leather vest... and then, steps back, holding a little black device between his fingers. A tracker. So this is how it happened, how he betrayed us all. I definitely want to punch him when our eyes meet as he crashes the little thing in his grip. A little too late for that, fucker! I struggle against the invisible restraints, and ge just keeps staring coldly.  
And then, I suddenly am released and fall to the bumpy ground. Cal is back in the game again, finished drowning in sand by then and he helps me up quickly. 

Of course Yastel wanted to gain a little advantage with this, and now is moving back towards the hideout to vanish. We both set off running after him before a dozen stormtroopers surround us appearing from inside the camp.  
This definitely does not look bright. Shit.  
And we are lucky it's only so many, and not like, a thousand of them. Although that could also easily happen soon. We don't have much of a choice, we need to fight. Cal hands me back my lightsaber, and we stand with our backs to eachother. 

'Are you ready?' - I hear him ask quetly. His soft tone does nothing to strengthen me at the moment. All I wanna do is to hide him in a safe place and protect him at all costs. 

'Are you?' - I fire the question back. 

'Sure' - he breathes, and I swear I can hear him smiling. My goodness, this guy...! We are most likely dying, and he still has it in him to crack a smile, and radiate this soft hopefulness that just defines his nature. 

'I fucking love you, ya know that?' 

Before anything else could be said, they are all on us, and I have to remind myself to stay alert and focused on taking one enemy at a time.  
We are progressing and taking some down, but the numbers still are against us, and it's getting harder by the second because it's exhausting to fight so many. Just when the light would appear at the end of the tunnel, another group of gentlemen dressed in white emerge from the passage and I honestly feel a sense of defeat washing through me.  
That's when Cal leans close for a sec and says:  
'Jump up high when I say "now"!' 

I nod furiously, and almost immediately after dodging another close blow, he screams at me:

'NOW!!!'  
Without questions or second thoughts I jump off the ground in the air, my feet lifting and right as it happens, I see Cal dropping down onto his knees, placing both of his palms flat against the ground. It goes along within the matter of seconds, but for a little moment I am worried he got hurt before I feel the strong wave of a Force-push that goes in every direction from where he is centered. Wooow. As it sweeps over our enemies, the stormtroopers are pushed back, sliding away in the dust, falling on their faces. And by the time I catch my breath, my feet are back on the ground and Cal is grabbing at my arm to urge me to go. 

'Come on, let's head in'- he orders and I would be stupid not to follow. 

The rebel hideout is in ruins, as I could have expected. Homes are burning, people are dead and the fight doesn't seem to end anytime soon. The number of stormtroopers flooding the place is intimidating even to ackowledge... This place is truly lost. I feel a twist within my stomach, a familiar pain at the sight. Good people are getting killed here, because of... the Empire. I was going to blame Yastel and myself, but no. This is their doing! The power-maniacs who hunt us, it's them. Yastel is of course nowhere to be seen, he disappeared.  
I stand there, paralyzed when I almost get hit by a blaster-bullet. Cal deflects the shot in front of my face and kills my attacker instantly. 

'You alright?' - he touches the back of my head, fingers running through my locks. I nod uncertainly, gaining back my alertness slowly. - 'Look, Cere is right there beside the Senator. Let's help them.' 

The jedi master and Senator Organa are holding a spot near the hangar, probably heading to a ship. The Mantis is parked further behind the jedi temple. Geez must be out of his mind anyway, waiting for us right now. 

A purge trooper and a group of basic ones keep attacking them, but it's nothing we can't handle. We cut our way through them from behind and reach the others. 

'Cere!' - Cal approaches her, there is a patch of blood on her right arm, still wet on her top clothing. 

'Glad to see you two' - she sighs, and I catch the moment when her fingers gently pat Cal's back affectionately. 

'How bad is that?' - the redhead points a finger at her injury. - 'BD, a stim, please!'  
As usually, the little guy crawls up onto Cal's broad shoulder out of the blue. Seems like they are so grown together that I never realize the droid's presence until he boops. 

'Thanks. Don't worry, I am fine, though. It's the Senator I'm cornerned about.'  
My gaze shifts to the man and notice the way his arm is hanging at his side. - 'He surely has a broken bone.' 

'Could be worse, like them...' - the Senator shakes his head, staring at the dead bodies around the place. We are currently hidden by the pillars of a building, but lots of the rebels are passing us by to reach their ships. Everyone is fleeing who is able. 

'We need to get out of here, Senator. We cannot win this battle anymore' - Cere tries to make an impact on the man who decides to accept the grim truth and nods firmly.  
The jedi master raises her wrist to use her comm speaker.  
'Captain, we will arrive shortly, get the ship ready!' 

'You brought your comm? Smart move' - Cal notes. 

'You still have a lot to learn' - Cere winks at him, then we set off together, hiding behind the hangar as we move forward. 

The fighting is getting closer and closer as everyone is heading for the ships. But luckily the area between the jedi temple and the hideout is in fact empty again, not counting those corpses that were left there by our fight earlier. 

'Alright. It's now or never, boys! The road forward is clear. I'm going to watch our backs but we need to go immediately. Understood?' - Cere informs us. 

'Yes, Master' - I hear my better half say, and the little word makes the most serious woman ever smile. 

'Now go!' - she orders and we start running with lightsabers activated, protecting the Senator from both sides. Moving through that deserted area I feel extremely exposed and vulnerable, especially with the huge star destroyer still above...  
I am not sure we would make it, but the jedi temple appears to be closer and closer, and the nearer we get the more hopeful I grow about our future.  
It feels like a damn miracle when we get around the temple and catch a glimpse of the Mantis, finally. 

'Thank goodness, shit' - I pant as we run up to the gate, Greez urging us anxiously from inside. 

'Let's get out of here, Captain' - Cere says bossily, but Greez does not play offended this time. 

'Wasn't planning on staying any longer' - he growls instead and gets the engine going. A wave of relief floods my limbs from the centre of my chest as the ship starts moving and I realize I am shaking. The Senator with Cere is standing at the cockpit, while I try to regain my regular breaths, leaning against the wall by the kitchen. Cal takes a quick look at the holo-map in the hallway, before he walks up to my dreadful form. His face is dark from the dirt and has a new bruise above the scar on his nosebridge.  
He runs his fingers through his hair exhaustedly and drapes his arm around my shoulder, leaning his head against mine softly, just breathing into my temple. I put my arm around his waist and pull him closer into a hug. I want to stop shaking but the relief is only letting me feel it more. I almost want to let go and cry my eyes out when a loud banging noise happens, and the ground under our feet trembles.  
The next thing we hear is a very unfiltered cursing from Greez.  
We both know at this moment that the time for relaxing has not yet come. We head to the others. 

'What is it?' - I feel brave enough to ask the furious Cap while another bang hits us. 

'Damn tie fighters! The bastards are firing at the engine!' 

'How many?' - Cal asks on. 

'Three. Too freaking many! We can' t jump like this!'

At the next attack the ship's emergency alarm goes off too, flashing a red light on the captain' s screen. 

This can't end well.  
I take a glance around with a heavy heart. We must do something! Another bang can be heard and Greez yells in annoyance.  
We turn to protect the engine from further abuse, and then we see the fucking tie fighters getting closer. I can feel every heartbeat of mine drumming loudly inside my body, and the fact that I can't do a single shit about the situation is killing me.  
Then suddenly one of the enemy ships blows up with a huge flashing light and I'm pretty positive we didn't do it. 

'Look at that. Who the hell is that?' - Greez points a finger at the screen, while I see the small ship he refers to through the glass. It's from the rebel hangar, but I wonder who the pilot is...  
It fires another shot and scores once more with the second tie fighter going boom.  
The Mantis' central comm sign shows an incoming wave. The captain grants the pilot the communication line by pushing the green button.  
When I hear the distinctive voice I can't believe my ears. 

'Bingo, buddy!' 

What the hell. 

'Yastel, is that seriously you?!' - I frown at the ship doing flips in front of us while the third tie fighter is busy chasing it. 

'Perceptive, as always' - his raspy voice sounds almost amused, I can hardly follow this. I see my companions exchange weird glances too. 

'What the hell are you doing?!' - I ask because nobody else seems to want to take the right to answer from me...  
Deep down I know it though... And a little light comes to live inside. He is here to help. After everything that happened in the last few hours, this was the last thing anyone would have expected of him... And yet, here he flew that ship, probably out of ammunition now but still keeping the attention of the enemy. But the reason is not clear to me. Not until he answers. 

'Something I should have done years ago...' - he says and I can see the small rebel ship making a sharp turn in the air. - 'Saving your ass...!' - The rebel ship turns, facing the tie fighter, and his voice lifts to an even more elated tone - 'Stay good, Syle Metri' - at the end of his words a small laugh can be heard, something soft and so unlike him. It happens in front of our eyes, that then he unexpectedly speeds up like crazy, crashing right into the side of the tie fighter that has been still left, making both ships explode in a big flaming mess... 

And then, it's over. 

I don't think I can blink or swallow for long moments after, I just keep staring at the ruins... The ruins of something important, something... that I never will forget. Meanwhile my hammering heart slowly fades into tranquility after overworking for such a long time, and a painful tear runs down my face.  
***

BOGANO, next morning

I've been given a sleeping stim for sure because I can't recall a single thing since the explosion happened. And, my bed feels damn cold. I only get these weird shivers when I'm drugged with BD's crap.  
I take in a shaky inhale and crawl out of the room like a defeated zombie, and sure as hell I don't look any better either. 

'No, don't put any more salt in that-'  
I hear that sweet delighted voice and then a grumpy one answering to him. 

'You are in no position to give me cooking advice, Kid!' - then, the captain lazily looks up and notices me and turns back to the jedi. - 'You know what? Go, get out of here, you have better things to do! Shoo!' 

'What?! But, Greez, you said... Oh!' - he finally looks up too. I can't help but smile a little and he mirrors it. Until Greez lets out an annoyed grunt at least.  
Cal then wants to move right up to me but I feel too much of a mess to look him in the beautiful face so I wink at him and say:

'Hey, I'll take a shower and pull myself together. Save me something from breakfast, okay? I'll be back!'

'Sure' - he responds with a chuckle. 

After I clean myself up and let myself relax a little with a fresh start I feel so much better. It surprises me though, that nobody is aboard when I come out of the bathroom. The gate is open and there is still a lingering smell of cooking, almost as if something was burnt a little, but otherwise pleasant.  
Well. Let's look around then. 

As I leave the ship I notice the jedi and his master practicing saber-combat in the distance, with Cere using her left hand. Hah, I would totally beat her with my left hand, I think grinning, before I see her getting Cal on the ground, his freckled face helplessly pressing into the grass.  
Wow.  
Probably not.  
Then, the cussing within earshot sheds some light on Greez's whereabouts too. He is repairing the engine as it seems... With not so much success.  
When Cere sees me, she releases Cal and they both walk up to me, BD following them of course. 

'You're up' - Cere notes - 'How are you feeling?' 

'I'm... Alive'- I smile slightly. 

'That's a good start!' - she nods reassuringly - 'Now you two go eat something finally! Come on, BD-1, I need your help at the holo-table' - she leaves with a knowing smirk along with the droid. And Cal is standing right beside me, chewing on his lip, smirking like he is... Nervous? Alright. This should indicate something. 

'You haven't eaten yet?'- I raise a brow curiously. 

'Nah. But I got it ready' - he bounces on his heels and it's absolutely adorable. 

'Got what ready?'  
Then, he nods his head to the left and I follow as he walks behind our ship. At the back of the Mantis there is a blanket spread out with two types of scrambled eggs served on the fanciest plates we own with some kind of fruity drinks. Oh, goodness. Did he make these for me? 

'Wow. Oh-okay. I don't think it's my birthday... Is it?' 

'Could be the first day of our lives... When we aren't in constant danger...?' - He shrugs and pulls me down gently to sit with him.  
I let out a deep breath because this is more than I could wish for.

'Try the left one. Hm. No. You know what? Try both.'

'You made them?' 

Cal nods unsurely. He is still kinda nervously babbling. Never seen him like that. 

'Uh, Greez helped in that one... a little.'  
I eagerly take bites of the two types because I'm starving anyway. Not sure if it's the reason or it's simply just the truth, but these both are... 

'Wow, fuckin' amazing!' - I groan with my mouth still full. Cal grins proudly at my reaction and starts eating too.  
We exchange some affectionate glances and blushing smiles while we chew on the heavenly dish, casually touching our knees on the ground. Cal breaks out in a laughter when I keep on complimenting his cooking with my mouth disgustingly full and I grin too like an idiot. I guess this is our first official date. 

When we are past breakfast and are lying across the blanket, our heads and shoulders touching sweetly, I inhale deeply with contentment and sigh. 

'I still remember the first time you gave me breakfast. I swear to you, man, you've come a freaking long way since!' - I mean it as a joke, but he just slightly smirks, breathing deep, going deep in meaning too. 

'You also have.' - his chuckle is rather quiet like a whisper. - 'I still remember... the first time you came in contact with the Force since we met... Then, not long ago you saved me from a bograt, over there' - Cal raises his head for a moment before he comes back, turning to me. I grin and turn my head too to face him. In the brightness of the daylight I find it harder to use my eyes but I still try to take in his delicate features. And, the smell of his red locks, that fresh scent is awesome.

'And, I kept my hand attached this time' - I joke. 

'You've come a long way too.' - he repeats more seriously, and only for a brief moment his deep stare breaks as he glances down at my lips. I stick a tongue out sassily when I notice, not really caring about the whole world, and I lean close until our lips are touching. A short, but sensual kiss happens, nothing too steamy, but it still leaves Cal flushed and slightly panting. I can't help myself... 

'Ya know... There is one more field of knowledge you've began to sink into during my stay with the team...' - I flash a toothy grin. 

'Ah, so... I began to, huh?' - he looks flustered but still amused. 

'Yeah, but I'd be up for... some practice, you know? Practice makes perfect...' - I shrug innocently, while totally accidentally shifting closer with my whole body until we are pressed together. I hear the sharp intake of breath and it kinda satisfies my wretched soul already. 

'Oh... I totally am... Uh. Up... For it, I mean!' - he grins- 'But I'm not sure we want Greez to walk in on us... here, now. Right?' 

'Um. Would he be surprised?' 

'Probably not. But he would curse...' 

We both laugh at that and I finally give him a break, shifting away and we lie back beside one another.  
After a little silence he clears his throat. 

'And... how are you feeling? About Yastel.' 

Oh. Well, not so great if the cold punch at my gut is something to go by. Deep down I've been preparing for this conversation, though. 

'I uh... I'm gonna be okay.'- I respond silently. Cal visibly regrets bringing him up, he is squirming. - 'Hey, it's alright. I just... don't know what to make of it yet. He helps us, he betrays us and then... dies helping us again? What a fucking drama addict, huh?!'- I statter, and I'm aware of my shaking voice. 

'Probably, yeah.' - Cal smiles softly for a while, before he adds. - 'I think he wasn't a bad person. Just... troubled. The purge did no-one any good. We all became damaged. Some more than others...'

'Well, still you never betrayed hundreds of people to let them be killed for money... And I never did either.' 

'We found good company in time before we got to that point where nothing matters anymore...' - Cal says and probably he is right. Yastel lost himself to the purge. - 'But at least something still mattered to him.' 

'Huh?' - I look at him curiously. 

'You did.' - Cal points it out with no jelousy in him, no hard feelings. - 'I think you brought him back from the dark side. What he did for us at the end... It surely shows that for you he was willing to leave it behind to do good. It was your impact!' 

Cal doesn't notice until this point, that my tears are wetting my face. I sniff with a shudder, looking over at him vulnerably. 

'Hey, come here' - he pulls me into his chest and embraces me while I sob into his shirt. 

He is right. The Yastel who died for us was the guy from the academy long time ago. He was not the traitor, not the bastard I hated all these years. Just my friend. And oddly enough, this perception shakes me in the happiest way possible, because although I could never see my friend again, I have the feeling of getting him back.  
It's been a pain that has plagued me for such a long time, and now it is fading into something else: closure. 

'It's okay...' - Cal whispers into my temple, rubbing my back soothingly as we lie on the ground when I come up for air, and the crying stops. 

'Better now?' - he blinks up. 

'Yeah, much better' - I nod - 'I think I needed to... Wow.' - My eyes suddenly go wide catching something. 

There is a little furry thing, the kind I remember jumping around here from before, and this one is currently licking off the remains of my breakfast from my plate (which is not a lot). 

When Cal shifts to take a look, no matter how slowly he is moving, the furry buddy gets startled immediately and is off within a second. 

'Woah there. They never got this close before' - He notes with a raise of brows. I wipe the wetness off my face and sniff one last time. 

'It's most likely your eggs they are interested in... And I can't blame them, really!' - I shrug with reviving grin on my stupid face and the sweet boy laughs again. I'm starting to think I broke him somehow because he can't stop smiling for more than a few minutes.  
Well, fuck me if I mind, though. 

I lean in to give him one more agonizingly deep kiss, and this time he does not think of Greez or anybody else meanwhile, just pushes back eagerly, letting out crazy hot grunts and whimpers while we get entagled on the ground, like it's just the two of us. Like we are finally free to feel that way. 

And we totally are... Until that damn familiar 'boop'.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Syle and Cal have some well deserved alone time... at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Dear People, 
> 
> The end-of-fic smut that nobody asked for, is here...
> 
> Okay, well, probably some of you made it clear you would not mind another steamy scene, so I found my naughtiest mind to get this done.
> 
> Might be too much, childish, cheesy, silly, with too much inner dialogue - but guess, what? I think Syle is exactly like that. Hope you'll still enjoy this last piece!
> 
> Because yeah, this is the last chapter of Lost and Found.   
> Thank you all once more who read it. :) 
> 
> As I promised, a little spinoff is on the way, with new characters joining the squad and new adventures. 
> 
> If you are interested, please find the link below the chapter. :) 
> 
> Well, Happy Reading, then!

That afternoon we talk about those we lost, like for example a real hero, Tani Fadd. It hurts to think about all the rebels who died in the battle, but we end up finishing the day smiling, remembering the great moments and the heroic acts we witnessed during these last weeks. 

Until having to go back to bed at night, I kinda feel occupied with thoughts, but the moment I remain alone, the need strikes to be close to Cal. I almost have gotten used to the feeling of him there, right next to me. 

For some days I hold on, willing myself to sleep because we do lots of training on Bogano to wear me off.   
But a few days later Cere catches a message and wants to meet someone they know from before, and I am alone in my room watching the ceiling all night, with all my pent up energies and the need to see him. The redhead is right over there, I could cut a window on the wall with my lightsaber and could possibly see his slumbering form (though, well, that would be kinda creepy, to be honest).   
But since I feel restless and growingly frustrated all night, desperate ideas come to my mind. 

At dawn I am already pacing in front of his door, trying not to interrupt his sleep but I am missing sleeping next to him so greatly it hurts.  
Then, unexpectedly the door to his room slides open and Cal peaks out with a sly and drowsy grin.

'Are you going to stand there until landing?' - Cal asks with that raspy morning voice which this time goes even deeper than usually, giving me a full body shiver.

I step inside and closely up to him, our noses almost bumping while we do not break eye contact, eyes roaming eachother's faces. His breath feels warm against my chin, and I don't hesitate any longer to kiss him. Our lips push together like our lives depended on the force of the contact. There is soon enough tongue play too that draws some highly sexual voices out of the both of us, which just fuels the fire. I press Cal against the wall and a knee between his legs eagerly, my lips positioning against his jaw, neck and collarbone.

My left hand slides up under his loose white nightshirt and feel his abs contracting. He takes in a sharp breath, bucking his hips against my leg. I apply some more pressure and he moans into my hair. 

I remove my lips from his sweet freckled skin and want to speed this up a little. The plan is to get him out of his nightclothes asap so I reach for the shirt, but my gloved righty is stuck in a position, fingers staying curled tightly and for some reason I can't get them to open and grip the hem of the material.

'Uh, shit' - I curse, because this is actually not the first time. Since the battle it kept doing these little shutdowns. Something must have been damaged that I didn't even notice meanwhile. 

'Huh?' - Cal glances down at my hand, his panting slowing as he blinks to focus and understand the problem. - 'What's wrong with your hand?' - he whispers, instantly showing care, then he cups it and raises up between us with concern in his beautiful bright eyes. 

'I... don't know. It just won't... move. See?' - I show him how only my index finger is able to make any movement, the others are frozen and I don't really feel his caressing soft touches either. 

'Oh' - he sighs and just as I have thought about my lack of sense he asks: 

'Can you feel me?' - the way he voices and words it, with my still lingering arousal sends a shiver through me and I can't help but chuckle. 

'I wish I could feel you the way we planned to...' 

'You were planning something?' - he grins, cheekily raising a brow. 

'Oh yeah. Since day 1, Pretty boy. Since I saw your butt in those tight leather pants... Where are those now by the way?!' 

'Don't get carried away. You are injured' - he smiles now in a less mischievious way, caringly. 

'I fear your currently charging friend will not be able to stim this' - I shrug, glancing at BD in the corner. 

'No... But I might be.' - he announces casually. 

'What?' - my brows slide up. - 'You... are you saying, that you want to... scrap me?!' 

'Umfgh. It sounds almost dirty as you say it...!' - Cal shakes his head in confusion, turning pinkish in the dark. 

'Hm, let me see. You probably think that because of this here' - I surprise him with a groping left hand under his waistband and the shocked-pleased look on his face is just priceless as his mouth falls open to suck in a sharp breath. Of course he is still turned on. I am too, so that part is not so unexpected. The strange thing is that when I start to stroke him, the redhead slows my movement with a grip on my wrist. 

'Woa-wait. Let me help first...' -he angles his hips away from my touch, but his voice comes out still shaky. I grin and do not give up. 

'I am left-handed, screw that. Wanna feel you, Cal...' - I try my worst-case puppy eyeing at him but his mouth is ruthlessly pressed together in a strict straight line. 

'Hey, this is important, I care about it' - he pushes. Ugh. 

'Alright... Oh, my heart. You're killing me, fuck.' 

'I know. Killing me too...' - He smirks apologetically but the little shit still leans away when I want to steal one more quick kiss. 

I grunt in annoyance and his smile grows wider. 

'No funny business until your hand is good again. Now come on' - he says walking up to his desk where all his tools rest. I let out a shaky breath and follow before it occurs to me. 

'You don't want me to take it... off, right? Like, off my body.' 

'No, just lay it here. I'll take a look.' 

'Sure, Doctor Kestis' - I mock and he shakes his gorgeous head with a smile. I lean my hip against his desk as my cramped hand slides up in front of him. I know it's awfully childish but while waiting for him to get his tools together I get some ideas and start to reach towards his lower belly naughtily. 

The killjoy holds me down immediately. 

'So you're not feeling a thing with it... Right?' - he asks. 

'Not sure... Touch and I'll tell.' - I reply actually innocently this time but Cal still rolls his eyes at me.   
-'What? I swear I don't know. It never lasted this long before...' 

'When did this happen before?' 

'In the morning, but only for moments, and then... in the shower too. Still, got better after a minute or so.' 

'Did you do anything straining in particular, like lifting something heavy with it?' 

'Lifting something heavy? In the shower...? Nah. And before ya get any ideas, I wasn't doing anything like that with it either. Wasn't even conscious yet.'

'Okay' - he laughs at my determined try to explain myself. - 'So, here?' 

I have to look down at the desk to know he is slightly touching the back of my cramped little finger. Shit, I feel nothing! It is starting to scare the hell out of me. I shake my head with a frown. 

'Can I take off your glove?' 

'Uh, sure. It is just there for aesthetic reasons.' 

And for me not to cringe or make people cringe upon seeing my prosthetic hand. The truth is I would never let anyone else see it, but with Cal I don't mind. I watch as he slowly pulls off the fabric, revealing the cold dark metal parts joined to my arm. My heart is pounding nerveosly until he gives me a reassuring smile and goes back to examine it. 

'So, here nothing. What about... Here?' - he slides his fingers over my knuckle, and I still can't sense it at all. 

'Uhh, shit, Cal. I don't want to go to a hospital...'

'You won't have to. So, no?' 

'Nah' - I gulp in slight panic. 

'It's okay, I got you. Turn' - I let him turn it over to reveal my metallic palm, as much as my cramped fingers are letting it show. He ghosts two fingers over it and hafway through I suddenly yelp because of the unexpected tickle. 

'Ugh, eh, there! I felt it!' - I immediately snap. Cal furrows his brows and nods. He goes on, reaching my middle finger, which does nothing to me again right until he touches my knuckle behind it. 

'You should be able to feel this then' - he announces. Strange enough, the moment he says it I do sense the light graze. Wow. 

'Are you a freaking magician?' 

'Nah. But I think I got it. Just confirm one more thing...' 

Cal finally slides his fingers down to the side of my wrist, and when I shake my head again, getting confused, his lips curl up in a satisfied grin. 

'It's right here. The injury. Turn it upwards a little' - he orders and I follow now without a word. He takes a small pointy thing in his hand and a... Okay, I have no idea about scrapper tools. But they are all small and delicate looking, mostly. And since I can't feel a thing I' not so concerned about him stabbing me with stuff. 

He starts working in silent concentration on my wrist then, opening things up I never knew existed. It looks like he would be repairing a random droid or something, not... me. I slightly feel him sometimes when his hand slides over for another tool, touching my sensitive knuckles, then he goes back to the screwed part. When it looks bad enough, opened up and some very thin wires hanging out, he takes a little lamp and leans a bit closer with his face, trying to look for something. 

'A-hah!' - he sighs in relief. - 'It's here. Want to see? Careful, though'

'See what?' - I lean down as much as I can without moving it. Our heads press together. 

'There, a little wire is almost broken. I can fix it though' - he breathes into my neck when he turns his head. 

'Do it, Scrapper-boy and if you are able to get it right, I'll give ya the treatment of a lifetime.' 

Our eyes meet and Cal audibly forces out a stuck breath.   
He instantly dives back into work and he makes extra slow, careful moves while at it, sometimes stopping and taking a few calming breaths not to shake. He focuses so much his tongue pokes out and honestly I can hardy suppress a laugh at how adorable he looks. 

After like, 10 more minutes I start to wonder if something is wrong, when he finally glances up at me. 

'Uhm. I will seal them together now. It might... hurt a little. For a moment.'

'Okay, go on.' 

'Ready?' 

I nod, because, how much can a wrist hurt anyway?

Well, VERY FUCKING MUCH. 

The moment he seals it, an immediate killer sharp painwave strikes me, radiating right from my wrist up into my whole arm, it feels like a burning within my nerves, like I've been struck by lightning. 

'FUCK, HOLY SHIT, THIS HURTS!!!' - I kinda yell, not really able to hold it in, but I force myself not to move so he can close things up. 

I vaguely hear Cal's soothing voice and sense his hand caressing my head, but the blinding ache doesn't let me enjoy it.   
After some moments in agony though, it abruptly stops... Thank goodness. 

'There... Sorry about that' - He lets it go, and I take some breaths to come back into existence. 

'Huhh... Uh, fuck' - it's all I can say first. 

'I know, I'm so sorry, didn't think it would be so intense' - Cal is biting his lip nervously.   
I move my new hand around and it works like the real one, I touch them together and can feel everything. It is perfect... Just like the one who's done it. 

'Hey' - I use my freshly repaired fingers to lift up his chin, showing off. 'Thank you so much' - I whisper, rubbing at his face reassuringly. I grin when his features soften and he turns to me. 

'Everything working now?' 

'I guess so. Wanna test it?' - my brows slide up and down suggestively, leaning so close to him our noses brush. Cal chuckles in disbelief at my immortal sex drive. 

'Eh, really? You were literally dying a minute ago.' 

'Uhhuh. And now... I'm dying to make you scream!' - I kiss him briefly, and flash a savage grin before pushing him up against the desk and going down on my knees in front of him. 

Cal visibly freezes in place, leaning back on the surface of the desk with both hands, one of which knocks a scrapping tool off of it.   
I crawl forward, placing little kisses on his stomach after pushing up the hem of his nightshirt. Reaching his hipbone I dig my tongue into the skin beneath it to test him (should be a sensitive spot based on my general... studies on the human body). 

As expected, it elicites a reaction but the intensity I could not have predicted. In an instant, both of Cal's hands land in my hair, pulling at it, his upper body jerking forward and the hottest groan leaves his parted lips I've ever heard. 

When I grin up at him, he keeps blinking back at me in shock with heavy-lidded eyes, panting loudly. It fills me with pride to drive him into this state so quickly.   
I am just about to repeat my evil move on the other side, when he sighs my name weakly. 

'S-Syle...' 

'Yes, Love?' - I growl while stroking up and down his thighs, breathing featherlight kisses on his belly.   
He needs a moment with eyes shut to recompose his thoughts before Cal speaks. 

'I've never done this before...' 

'Yes, I know. Too much?' - I stop my movements until he shakes his head as an answer, gulping. Almost as if he was nervous. The little lighting over his desk lights up his features so I see the frown. 

'No, I want to! I just don't know how... Just... bear with me?' 

'I am here to make you feel good. Stop worrying, Freckles, you can' t screw up!' - I smirk meaning to show reassurance, but his frown grows deeper. 

'Wh-what did you just call me?' - He asks in a skittish tone, his mouth innocently crooking up into a smile. I silently ackowledge that Cal actually needs to go gradually, because it really freaks him out that he's not at all experienced in this field. It's okay, though. Hopefully we will have some time to get into it properly now. 

'Uh, what? Freckles?'

'Hm, like you don't have any...' - he cheekily smiles himself, turning away. The way he acts peakes my interest. 

'Where do I have freckles?' - I ask in surprise, coming back up face to face. 

'Ummm... on your back, and shoulders.'

'When did ya see those, huh?' 

Cal thinks for a minute, a little blush creeping up his neck. 

'Every time you left the shower and strolled around shirtless...' 

'And you looked?' - I lean close to him, tilting my head and biting my lip in anticipation. 

'Yeah' - he grins back. - 'I did... Always turned me on...' 

Holy shit. Cal Kestis actually said those words aloud. I need to breathe. But what I need even more is to kiss him senseless. 

Our lips crash together in an instant and our tongues touch in urgency. The jedi boy's fingers are back in my hair, tugging and soon he is gripping my shirt in an uncharacteristically harsh way to yank it up and off, and within a few moments I find myself mercilessly pushed up against the scrap-desk, shirtless. 

The breath is knocked out of me and I could hardly make a sound aside from a high yelp when I feel his right hand's fingertips clawing at my chest and his sweet innocent mouth working his way from my jaw down my neck with wild licks and bites. 

'Uuuunghh...' 

His palms explore around my ribs, skimming over my sensitive sides that make me shiver and slowly dips to have a hold on my lower back so he can press himself impossibly close against me. Meanwhile his mouth stays still glued to my neck, sucking a hickey into my skin. 

'C-Cal... Ohhhh my... Please, never stop!' - I whine, completely at his mercy. 

My hands find his waist finally, pulling my shit together after the sweet surprise and I shamelessly slide them to his perfectly built butt, pulling his hips to me while I rock my own forward. He makes a keening sound into my skin but keeps sucking at it. His little scraping teeth send jolts of electricity through my whole being while our slowly grinding hips grant a mindblowing friction where we both need it the most. 

The intensity of the pleasure I'm feeling is rising embarrassingly rapidly.   
A memory strikes of our first time together when a little grinding was more than enough... Though I still want a little more this time. A tiny step forward. 

I forcefully press my hand against his chest to pull apart, and he finally breaks away, his lips plump and swollen as he blinks at me in question. I tentatively lean up to his face, stopping right before our mouths could meet, to tease him a little... The plan is to get him to make the next step. Cal is the type of a person who would feel the most confident doing something if it's his idea, his steps. 

After I block his 3 attempts to kiss my lips he frowns at me in annoyance, and this time I do capture his dark red flesh between my teeth. I carefully run my tongue over the swollen skin there before I let myself dive into a deeper exploration. 

Our makeout session is very deep, wet and intense... It is enough to press the tip of my tongue against his own to make Cal hum and moan softly into my mouth. For some more moments his body stands still, but soon his hands roam my body up and down, hips stuttering forward restlessly too, but with a strong grip on his waist I don't let him rub up against me this time.

And finally, my teasing proves to be working. Cal parts from me with an angry look, and he practically tears my pants away from my waist, aggressively reaching inside.   
Oh, aw, Yes...! 

'Shit, Kestis, did I just find the button to piss you off?' - I laugh breathlessly while he pushes his temple against mine, hand working me furiously. 

After a few blissful moments I tentatively reach out to give him the same treatment, our eyes meeting the second my fingers close around him (left, of course...). 

His movements are very much enjoyable, but a little too quick and irregular, so I establish a different rhythm on him, something slow and twisty, hopefully torturous. 

He hisses between his teeth and sighs immediately, eyes squeezed shut for a brief period.   
His hips soon push forward into my touch, and his own movements get in synch with mine, our pace fast but not too rushed. 

'Syle...uhh' - he pants right in my ear, sending a wave of pleasure through me saying my name like that. 

'What do you need?' 

'Just... don't stop touching me' 

'How about that?' - I tilt his head with my prosthetic fingers, getting access to his wonderful jawline, and I'm biting him just under his scar. 

'Ye-eess' - is the breathy, grinning answer and then we speed it up and I am aware this is endgame. 

It's not exactly his technique that is getting me off, but the way he acts, moves, breathes... The way he is just the Cal I love... He is falling apart in my arms, and it's fucking hot. 

I notice it from his panting, because he is getting loud and the way his hips move out of control is another clear indicator too. 

By this time his face is buried in my hair on my side, his free hand gripping at the edge of the desk to keep us both straight up. 

'You close, huh?' - my teeth graze his earshell.

He only responds with a grunt and a shaky hiss. I tug at his hair to move his head in the perfect angle so I can kiss him once more.   
This time it's toothy and demanding, almost like a fight. Like all the pent up frustration and shit is in it before the release that comes right after. 

Cal starts shuddering and he whines into my lips, eyes squeezing shut tight, breaking away to breathe while coating my hand in warmth. His arm of course stills but that won't stop me from following him into completion at this point, my head falling on his shoulder for support. 

I don't know how the heck we do not collapse, but somehow we manage to stand there, leaning on eachother, both sweaty and messy, catching our breaths. Uhhh, shit. This guy is so going to kill me one day. 

After some effort is made to clean ourselves up, we are both laying on our backs in Cal's not so very spacoius bed, together.   
Cal then suddenly chuckles into the silence, talking for the first time since. 

'So, was it all worth it?' 

'Huh?' 

'The whole mission. Would you do it again if you knew this was the outcome?' 

'Like... This?' - I gesture at us, there, in bed together. Cal raises a brow. 'You kidding?!... I would kiss even Vader's ass for this anytime.'

'Um... Before or after you kissed my lips?' - Cal grins and that is it. I turn to look at him closely, supported by my elbow and say:

'Even for some steamy moments with you I'd go against the whole Empire by myself... But for that smile of yours... I'd die for it gladly.' 

And you know what? I fucking mean it. Because Cal Kestis is something I never knew I missed, but could never go on without anymore.

And when he looks at me with his shocked, moved expression, all I can think about, is...

'Bee-wa-boop.'

Exactly.

Wait, what?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So see the spinoff, Finders Keepers... Here:
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/23493262/chapters/56331838
> 
> Love you all!

**Author's Note:**

> I am living for your comments!


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